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Esperanza
Oct Member 2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
In the grasp of the full moon.
The murky water closed over his head, he was being dragged down. Hands, no, claws wrapped around his legs; they drug him deeper into the darkness. He fought back and tore at the talons with his hands, trying to break free.
The claws changed to manacles. He was tied to something, something heavy. It pulled him down faster, the water rushed by him, tugging at his clothes and hair. The cold metal ripped into his skin, the filthy salt water burned the cuts. He kicked desperately at the biting chains
Things appeared from nowhere. They surrounded him, converged on him. Some were huge and some small. Their eyes glowed red and white in the darkness, it was the only thing about them visible.
They tore at him with tooth and nail, their hands and feet felt webbed. Skin ripped from his arms and legs, he tasted blood.
Something jumped onto his back, arms wrapped around his neck and teeth sank into his throat. He screamed, chocking on the putrid water. Lights exploded behind his eyes, his lungs shrieked in pain. No! He was going to die!
He shoved at the creatures, something long coiled up his arm and around his chest, pinning his limbs to his body.
He was still being dragged deeper. The pressure wrung at him, squeezing the blood from his veins, leaving him cold and weak.
He was dizzy now, his head spinning. He could feel his heart beginning to slow. Each beat less powerful, each beat slower and more painful. He stopped struggling. His body could take no more. His vision swam, and then disappeared; he listened as his heart gave one finale weak beat…

28-Apr-2010 02:57:49 - Last edited on 28-Apr-2010 02:59:54 by Esperanza

Esperanza
Oct Member 2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Jordon screamed and jolted upright in bed. His heart was pounding, it slammed against his ribs. His blankets were tangled around his legs. His skin was covered in cold sweat and feverish, his short hair stuck to his forehead.
Panting, his groped blindly on the nightstand for the candle and flint, his hands shook. He hadn’t had a nightmare in ages, it unnerved him to have one now, so many years after his families' death.
A wolf howled and he froze, flint in hand. The wolf was close.
Slowly he untangled the blankets and climbed from his bed. His legs shaking he walked towards the window. A thin beam of light shown through the shutters, shadows danced across the floor. He swallowed, someone was outside the window.
He had been a warrior once, and now his trained instincts took over.
He walked carefully closer, making his steps light and soundless. Tightening his grip around the flint he threw open the shutters, raising the sharp rock as… No one was there, only the moon. It hung low in the sky, its gentle light playing across the land.
He looked out the window. The light shone on the river Salve, it bounced off and danced on the gray walls of the monastery. The shadows came from those pale reflections.
The moons gentle rays rested on his face, a shield against the nightmare that was fast fading. His skin looked ghostly beneath it, but it was unbroken. No teeth marks, no scratches.
It was only a nightmare, he told himself, only a nightmare.
A breeze drifted through the valley, bringing to him the sweet smell of lilies and damp earth. It dried the sweat on his face, making his skin tight.
He leaned against the sill and breathed in deeply, smiling. His heartbeat slowed, he felt the peace he had earned so long ago come over him. He felt complete again.
He turned back into the room, tossing the flint onto the nightstand. Just as he was climbing into bed the wolf howled again.

28-Apr-2010 02:58:07 - Last edited on 28-Apr-2010 03:53:27 by Esperanza

Esperanza
Oct Member 2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
He froze, it sounded closer then before. Very close, just outside the monasteries walls.
Feeling jittery he turned back to the window, seeing now what he had not before. The moon was full.
Across the clear river Salve were lights. They came from the torches in the little border town. The lights cast shadows on the plains, the darkness danced with the gentle moonlight. They shimmied and twirled. Like fairies they playfully tagged one another. But more and more the darkness came, until it nearly overcame the pale rays. Until all that was left were the ones dancing on his floor.
The locals called the town Canifis.
He shivered and licked his lips; strange things were said about the inhabitants of that little town. He knew most men avoided it, and the priests refused to even go near it, going as far as to make the gates on that side of the monastery out of silver.
He had never really believed what people said about the little town, but right now, he did.

The wolf howled again, but this time it did*’t stop. It was joined by more and more. He slammed the shutters shut. Shaking he stumbled backwards, bumping against his cot, he sank onto it.
The howls continued, they echoed through the corridors, bouncing off the walls. The howls, voices really, chilled him. They reminded him of a child’s wails. He hated the sound of a crying child; he had heard it far too much a lifetime ago.
They sounded through his bones, making him remember things he had tried so hard to forget, making him shake and shiver.
He fell to the floor and clamped his hands over his ears, trying to the block out the cries as well as the memories. But it did*’t help, they continued, filling his head and torturing him. Tears poured down his face, would it ever stop?
Then it did.
Trembling, he looked up. The night was quiet, strangely quiet. Not a bird or bug made a sound. It was if they were afraid too.

28-Apr-2010 02:58:16 - Last edited on 28-Apr-2010 04:09:07 by Esperanza

Esperanza
Oct Member 2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
He looked again to his window. The moonlight still shown gently through the shutters. It landed on the floor, making patterns on the worn stones. The patterns danced and changed as clouds went by, morphing into things he knew and things unknown.
Entranced, he watched them. First they changed to a tree, then to something he could not name. To a flower they went, then to a hawk, from the hawk to a man, and then finally from the man to a… wolf.
He looked away.


This is not my entry, its just a story I've been working on. I'd love a review, and the more comments the better guys!
Thanks,
†Hawky†
~The Original Drama Queen~

28-Apr-2010 03:06:20 - Last edited on 28-Apr-2010 05:48:59 by Esperanza

Blinx TTS
Nov Member 2023

Blinx TTS

Posts: 756 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Feal No hope. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .bomono3. . .


As i sit by a wall almost no light infront of me lie a door. As i wached the wall i knew i had to do something but no mater what i saw in my mind i didnt see it no thought no confidince no coruege. I looked infront of me to see something i wish i hadent thare infront of me lie a sword and on the sword was incraved the initals B3 as i looked apon the sword i knew it was someones but if i didnt know my own name how could i remember whos sword this is. As i sat back in hope of a way to remember it came to me in a small but inportant way. on the ciling were the numbers 13 as i looked at them i didnt know what they ment. As i slowley got up i walked to the door it wouldent open no mater how hard i tried but one thing came as i tryed to get out. A cheering or fury as i listend a strange imige poped into my head of bloddy faces and a dark figure in the shape of nothing and everything as this imige poped throught my head it felt like 1 second but also felt like a year. As i fell to my knees i wondered who i was i tryed to remember but all that came was blood blood and skulls then my thoughts formed a dark purple mist around thease thoughts i tryed to get them out but i couldent all i could see was a dark purple fog then i felt it a handle of a sword i piked it up deperite to get these imiges out of my head i cut myself on the arm. At that moment all the world seamed clear my name i still didnt know but i knew that i had the power to stop the world in my head. So as i bandged my arm with the tatered clothes of mine. It was painfull haveing no food or water but then one day after sleeping thare was a pice of raw meat on the ground it ate it without thought of what put it thare or why it was thare. When i was done with it I saw the danger of what i had done. It was raw and i ate it soon i would be in so much pain that i would be in turmoil at that moment the door opend and in came a light.
To be continued...!?

28-Apr-2010 04:13:25

Blinx TTS
Nov Member 2023

Blinx TTS

Posts: 756 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
as the light came so did a shadow and a sharp pain in my arm as i screamed i fell to the ground then slowly it was like life was fadeing into nothing and a single tear came from my eye. As i awoke all i saw was a blury dark room all around me was blood and the markings of B 3 the same markings as the one on the sword. With haste i looked at my tatererd shirt and in my shirt thare were blood stains all around. As fear was acumulateing in my body i looked forward and saw something that scared me. What i saw was a body a body that was riped by nothing and shreded by something and in my hand was a sword with the markings of B 3. My mind did not see what it was until it came to me then a flashback or memorey came. As i sat by a river then a person aproached. As i think back on this moment i didnt know what to see but the liveing body of the corpse infront of me as this flashback continued they seamed to be talking then one of them cryed and ran. As the flashback became reality I cryed becuse the same man was infront of me only with a look of shock in his eyes. Next to him was a black and white photo of the other person in the flashback it was a girl. This girl was me i knew this becuse in this girls hair was a red bow the same i had on then. From that moment on everything seamed to make no sence but one thing did. on the picture was a name witch i knew was mine it was bomono3. As my insanity reached its limits a flashback came that pushed my already waining mind until it snaped like a stick. The imige was that of the door outside and i was being shoved in and behind the guard i saw something that made me lose it painted on the walls were the screaming red faces i saw. A stillhouse in the center of this complex was moveing back and forth as though paceing for me. i smiled and laughed for some reson then cryed no mater how hard i tryed i was doomed. As my mind was slowly truning into chaos that of a bomb I screamed and gave in to my fear.
i had awnser a ? in math then wnt

28-Apr-2010 04:37:42

Blinx TTS
Nov Member 2023

Blinx TTS

Posts: 756 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
back to daydreaming. so yes this is my imagination.

As i slowly reclaimed my mind i saw what made me calm. A light that seamed to shine with the strenghth of a atom bomb i walked twordes it and stoped in my tracks. Thare lieing on the floor was a kirkis shined to a point and a leter. It read what i feared but never thought was to be. "You will have to fight for your life and be with what you care most." As it hit me i fell to my knees and felt all dispair this was the fight arena. i have watched the games and found the amuseing but when i rilised the evil of it i cryed. It was like geting hit with a warhammer over the head. Nothing will be the same ever agiain no mater how much i hope my life was doomed all the remaining gumption left in me left i didnt want to live. I knew i was going to die so i did the one thing that i couldent in life. I gave up i just waited for my death...

but until now i have not told you i is not me as for i am the stillhouse as i wait for my prey i imagined this in my mind seeing how they would respond to everything that hapend it was so amuseing to see how they didnt care not a cell in them has the willpower to kill for that i kill them i was once one of them but unlike my imagination i grabed my sword and faught tell my openet was dead and i was set free but i craved more of this blood i volonteered to kill the ones who gave up for it gave me a reson to be happy for them they were happy gone for good and to be risen slowly into nowhare from thare waste of a life. Without a caulse they smiled. they liked it and hated it. i put the bodys of thare loved opnes so they may have a reson to live and they usaly try to kill me but alss it is not fair. As i imagine this the gate infront of me opend to a human without any will to live and they are gone. with my kirkis i have claimed over 57 lives and forever may i do this tell time gone...

well its my imagination in math class yah thats preaty creepy to get from a person pls creative crit pls

28-Apr-2010 04:52:34

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Another very good story Raising Hawk. Good work, I'm looking forward to your entry in the contest quite a bit! =]

Bomomo3:
Thanks for sharing your story. If I could point out one thing, it might be nice if you seperated some of your paragraphs into smaller paragraphs - as it is, it is a big wall of text, and that makes it harder to read and understand.
Also, I would suggest you google a spell checker, because I noticed a lot of typos in the story.
Even so, please don't take that negatively. I typo all the time too, so I read all my story posts like 10-20 times to clean them up.
Anyways, I want you to know that you're always welcome to post more stories here.

28-Apr-2010 16:46:29

Esperanza
Oct Member 2019

Esperanza

Posts: 193 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Tyvm Logan! I'm looking forward to entering it :P
I already have my entry planned out, but I'ma make you wait. Hehe
Also, do you have any other comments about my story? Like was my grammar all correct, and did everything make sense? Did it flow well from the dream to when he was awake?
I'd love some criticism :P
Thanks again! I'm glad you liked it :D
†Hawky†

28-Apr-2010 17:08:09

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Raising Hawk:
It's okay - just make sure you post it before May 8th.

Grammar is never all correct. But remember that writing is just a form of communication. And as long as you get your point across, I don't give a well-oiled banana peel's coefficient of static charge whether the I's are crotted or the T's are dossed. =p
I.E., make sure you convey your point carefully, and that the point is good. But remember that grammar is in itself an objective art, and thus people will always have different opinions of such things.
To be more specific though, during the dream segment I thought for sure this would end with a big surprise. You did a wonderful job to lead me on there, but the end was rather anticlimactic.
Once you got into the realm of RS I knew fairly well how it must end, and thus all of the excitement in the first section was drained away.
But nevertheless, it did flow quite well. I think this is a more pristine example of your writing skills than previous stories as well. It looks to be very clean - and well edited. Good job.

28-Apr-2010 17:54:47

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