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Chuk

Chuk

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Certainly didn't seem pretentious. And for the philosophical stuff, it works within the style. It might be sorta philosophical, but it works in first person where it probably wouldn't fit in so well in third person, even limited third. Certainly, in autobiographies, people tend to insert their opinions, I think.

17-Jul-2012 09:54:18

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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“Good work, son,” the coach’s gravelly voice rolled through the swell of cheers. His hand clapped him on the shoulder. “That was some gutsy pitching.”
“Only cause I told him what to throw!” the catcher shouted, already sitting in the dugout.
“Y’ask a catcher, and it’s all good calls and bad pitches. No bloody appreciation,” chimed in Tom, the team’s other pitcher.
“You ladies whining again?” John, the shortstop, was tall and wiry, and still faster than he was thin. “Get out in the field. Try playing the real game!”
“Try scooping a low throw,” deadpanned the first baseman. “Save the day, and whaddya get? Another chance to praise the tough plays the shortstop makes.”
Everyone laughed. Eventually. It took John a few moments.
As the laughter died down, the coach turned and joined them in the dugout. “Frank, you’re leading off. If you try to bunt, I’ll kill ya.” Short and stocky, Frank played at third. Nodding, he grabbed his bat and trotted off to the on-deck circle, and took a practice cut. Left-handed.
“Do that, and I’ll make it painful!” Frank turned back with a look of wounded innocence that left everyone in stitches.
The opposing pitcher fired his last warm-up pitch, and Frank sauntered over to the plate. The ball flew around the horn as the ump dropped his mask.
“Batter up!”
---
222 words of... writing, I suppose. Knew modern day would be tough, but wow, not this bad. Everything feels bloody clichéd.

17-Jul-2012 11:04:03 - Last edited on 17-Jul-2012 11:05:45 by Poller5

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Would it be better if we all, at the beginning of the week, laid out ten posts of reserved and filled them in as we wrote for the week? 20,000 characters should be enough for 2100 words, considering formatting and structure.
I just am having a difficult time going through three interspersed narratives. ;)

18-Jul-2012 04:40:41

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Nervous. Yes, I was dreadfully nervous. How was it they had found me? I had made sure that my neighbours knew nothing of my history; I had been vigilant in guarding my secrets. Yet still they had found me, and I had been forced, like a fox from its smoke-filling den, to run into the open. My only solace was the sloppiness with which they organised the hunt, but even this was merely a rationalisation of happiness to prevent the edifice of dismay from crashing down upon my consciousness. I had to reserve every ounce of my mental faculties for the feat that loomed -- escape.
It had been almost three full years since last the Monteguez had picked up on my trail, and I was just becoming comfortable with the life of aloof secrecy that I had constructed. Everything, it seemed, was just settling into place when Sarcosa, God bless his undying soul, appeared in the sable of night, whispering into my ear that Esteban had picked up on the clue. Before I could ask anything of him, we was gone; in seconds my life had turned from one of acclimation to the all-too-familiar flight of fear. Very nervous, indeed.
Drawing from my necklace's locket a small key, I unlocked a long metal box underneath my bed, removing from it a suitcase a duffelbag. If my years on the run had taught me anything, it was that preparedness is the grace of prevention. It had been only slightly after 2:00AM when Esteban dropped the cue, yet somehow I was locking the door to the lit apartment and dragging my suitcase down the precarious staircase before 2:30. I had a sort of pride in the sad expertise I collected over the years in disappearing into the night; this time was no different.

18-Jul-2012 05:04:13

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Descending the stairs, I stopped at the second storey, tearing the corner off of a blank piece of paper and surreptitiously slipping the remainder under one of the doors. I put the corner in my ****** pocket and moved forward, knowing well that I had few moments to spare with such courtesies. I reached the ground level, slipping out the service exit to see an innocuous-looking van careen through the alleyway. Its hissing tires echoed throughout the bricked buildings. I picked up the suitcase, carefully closed the door, and crept behind the green dumpsters. As I manoeuvred the two bags through the swathes of rubbish, I thought again on how they could have found me after so long: I had been impeccable -- or so I thought -- at wiping my tracks.
Getting to the end of the street, and not wanting my silhouette to look conspicuous in the streetlamp's glow, I veered to the right, entering the neighbouring complex. At eight storeys it was a bit taller than my own building, but it would give me the perfect vantage point, so I started climbing the stairs, stopping at the first landing after the suitcase gave a resounding clang against the institutional steel handrail. Cringing at the noise and praying that no one in the building -- much less none of the 'visitors' in the one next door -- had heard it, I set both my bags down using a few of their custom-made straps to attach them to each other.

18-Jul-2012 05:05:42 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2012 05:23:24 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I started climbing again when I noticed a security door a few floors up, and cursing at myself, I thought of all the ways I could break through it without making any noise. The door in my building had been so habitually broken that the landlord had simply ended up removing it. Bemoaning my forgetfulness, I quickened my pace up the stairs. Two floors later and I was face to face with the solid-steel, deadbolted door, my mind racing a marathon of innovations for getting past it. Looking down, I saw a blank piece of paper and, reaching down to pick it up, noticed it was missing a corner.

---

679 words so far. I'm really liking where I'm going with this and I hope I can keep up the pace. Though, at this point I only have a nepheloid notion of where the story ends. :|

18-Jul-2012 05:24:28

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Entries should be focused on this thread. The purpose of the Praxis Compositio Center is to collate the writing and feedback. Do you have any extant work on the forum that we may use to adjudge your likelihood of fulfillment?

18-Jul-2012 05:30:02

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