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Areno3

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It felt as if my soul was being torn from me, its essence seeping through every orifice of my anatomy. I remember the feeling of my lungs failing to capture the oxygen from the air, my eyes failing to envision the world before me, and my body failing to keep balance. I fell for what seemed like an eternity until my head smashed into the ground below. My hands settled against the grass, its dew from the recent rain dampening my flesh. But the overwhelming sense that I was seeping into the folds of death had my fingers clawing into the ground. It wasn’t long before my nails began to bleed.
My vision was diminishing. The ravishing colors of the world that I had adored with all my heart were beginning to fade. The black and white hues became more dominant, engulfing my sight and making the land before me seem more distant and dull.
I looked down at my hands. Where there were once fingernails were now jagged black claws, still digging into the earth as if I had buried something beneath it. I tore away the blades of grass as if they were a barricade defending the way to the life I had once taken for granted.
Suddenly everything began to change. It felt as if another being was moving under my skin. That being twisted, churned, and tormented my insides. Air rushed in through my mouth and nostrils, blasting my lungs with air. It felt as if a demon had possessed me and was beginning to toss my limbs around like a puppet.
My configuration began to shift, my bones protruding from places they were not supposed to. Blood began to pour from the wide open wounds, forcing me to roar. My clawed hands shot upward toward my chest and as I doubled over in pain, the hands dug into my very chest and tore my flesh apart.

15-Jul-2012 20:18:44

Areno3

Posts: 12,906 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Blood seeped down my upper torso and streamed down my legs until it soaked the ground below. My vision was nearly all black, but I had the will to look down. My hands were working of their own accord, tearing away my skin as if it were my enemy. To my surprise, beneath the newly shed skin was grey skin and muscle.
I stood up, my nerves sending out waves of terror as pain doubled me over. My nose elongated. My lips widened, stretching out my face. Even the teeth within them became larger and they were accompanied by thick saliva that I wasn’t used to at all. My eyes enlarged and my ears morphed, becoming longer and sharply edged like that of a gigantic bat. My shoulders broadened and my heels snapped into new joints, forcing me to stand taller on newly created bones. I felt as my spine rifled out of my back, sending jolts of agony through me.
The waves of torture still ran me through, but it was beginning to tone down. I looked down at my once human physique. It was no longer concealed by the tan flesh that I had been so accustomed to. Grey sinewy brawn adorned my form.
I was suddenly engulfed by rage. I wanted to… feast. I shambled across town, my body frail and worn from the alteration. Not much time passed before I reached my home and threw open the door. My wife was in the kitchen making dinner. She had heard the door open and called for my name. For some reason, her voice seemed muffled as if someone was covering my ears with their hands. I trudged toward her, and oddly she said nothing of my new appearance. “What are you doing?” I heard her whisper as I collapsed upon her, my teeth gnawing into her flesh.

15-Jul-2012 20:19:40

Areno3

Posts: 12,906 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

My wife screamed, and her gore splattered across the tiled flooring of the kitchen. She continued to wail as I continued to ravage her throat with my teeth. The taste was overwhelming and filled my taste buds with pleasure. Time passed and she grew still. Silence filled the room and I stood afoot. I glanced down at my lifeless bride. Her throat had been thrown open by my teeth and the blood still pooled out over the ground.
I ambled away, making my way down the narrow hallway. I still felt fragile, and my hands fell to the walls, guiding me down the hall as my weary configuration made its way to the bathroom. I reached the sink and began washing my hands. The sanguine liquid streamed down the pipes, and I couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of the mirror above the sink.
My reflection was not the monster I saw myself change into. The tanned flesh of a normal human being was donned upon my anatomy. Simple apparel obscured my body. The blood of my wife was smudged over my countenance. I was perplexed, and I found myself looking down. My appearance was the monstrosity, but the mirror said otherwise.
I shattered the mirror with a punch.
Time passed and the authorities revealed themselves. They took me into custody, and the next day I was seated at a table in a place I did not recognize. My eyes felt droopy and I aimlessly stared at the woman before me.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“An asylum, sir,” she replied.
-----------------------
895 words. I'll try to write another piece later today to make up the rest of the 2100 words.

15-Jul-2012 20:20:42

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I'm having a lot of trouble writing this. I don't know if it's because I just finished a week of final exams or if it's because this is a really odd theme. I'm happy I chose it because it's challenging, but it's not something I should have picked for such a busy week.

16-Jul-2012 04:20:42

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I.
I remember way back to when I was just a little kid, I always brought around this silly little bracelet that my father had given to me before he passed away. My mum had always thought that I kept it because I missed him, but honestly I think I was too young when he died for me to miss him. As far as I recall, I never cried about it or thought of him when carrying it around. In fact, I began to just bring it around with me because it was a nice reminder of my mum when she was happy. And really that's as far back as I can go with that thought — the goal of making other people happy. But it's been with me ever since.
So my dad — Charles — died when I was only eighteen months old, and besides that bracelet and a house with a few articles left in it, he didn't leave anything behind. It was up to my mum, who was barely twenty at the time, and her parents to fen for my two brothers and I. She did a good job of it, and we never went without needing anything, but I could never help but think she looked stressed, and going all the way back to those years when I dragged that bracelet around with me, I remember thinking that mothers had to be frazzled and tired or else they weren't doing their job. That's how I first taught myself to sleep less and work more, although back in those days it was only ever pretend cooking in the make-believe kitchens I would create from plastic sheets and wooden planks. I never fathomed what it was like to work so diligently.

16-Jul-2012 04:20:50

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

But now I do. And I have to say that if there's one person in this world to whom I owe my undying respect, love, and gratitude — as cheesy as it sounds — it would be my mother, who worked day in and day out to make sure that CJ, Steve and I all managed to get through childhood relatively normally.
Now when I say that, people kind of look at me oddly like "You're Louise Prior, of course you got through childhood normally. You lived in one of the nicer neighborhoods of Auckland.", but I have to shake my head and just appreciate the fact that I've worked my way up from my roots. People just don't realize that the only reason we lived in the Shore was because Charles had already paid for the house with his inheritance; Mum still had to work tirelessly just to get the bills and taxes in order, and even that left her with only enough to put food on the table.
You see, that's another thing people don't realize about my childhood, and especially about the struggles my mother had to go through to get the sort of income she garnered. She had what they called back in those days a cognitive encumbrance, meaning it took her extra long to learn things. She was kind of slow at a lot of tasks, and although she would always be sure to get the job done — and she had no problems communicating — but she could never be as fast as everyone seemed to wanter her to be. A lot of people called her a lot of names, but I always called her mum and respected her for the diligence with which she did her work. And I think she did a good job of hiding it from us kids.

16-Jul-2012 04:21:02

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

And that's why I say she tried all she could to get us a relatively normal childhood. We didn't get any of the fancy stuff, but we got a solid living with a few new toys now and then and good food several times a day. It was a good living, and oftentimes I find myself now * especially when in the midst of an 18-hour day or 100-hour week — wishing I could return to the blissful ignorance of childhood.
---
607 words. I know it's pitiful, but hopefully I can get some more together next week to at least finish the theme (even though I've taken an empty week score. Delnaz has too at this point, so hopefully we can keep it together for the rest of July.)
Congratulations, Chuk and Poller5, as you two were the only ones who made it.

I promise to put you on your toes for next week for the following theme, courtesy of Poller5:
Your story must be set on Earth, somewhere in the temporal vicinity of present day.
We'll be defining temporal vicinity of present day to be 1990-2015, unless someone has a strong objection to that.

16-Jul-2012 04:21:12 - Last edited on 16-Jul-2012 04:24:30 by Yrolg

Dec

2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

And I'll inaugurate the new theme with... well, it's kind of a poem, I guess. No idea if it's any good, but it was kinda fun to write.
---

CRACK.
Motion. The bat, swinging. The ball, reversing. Pulled hard, skipping on the ground.
The bat, flying. His feet, pounding. Dust rising.
“Foul ball! Foul ball!”
Movement slows. Dust falls.
“Bloody hell. This close, THISCLOSE I tell ya!”
And begin again.
Bottom of the fourth, two out. Runner on third. Home team leads by one.
Breathe. The shortstop walks the ball over.
“One more strike. Put him away.”
Rosin. Toss it up. Once, twice. Three times? Why not.
The batter’s back in the box. Climb the mound.
Right foot on the rubber. Lean in.
Catcher’s fingers dance. One. Rotated. Pointed in.
Come set.
Runner takes his lead. Third baseman’s playing back. Steps in.
Runner steps back.
Third baseman inches in.
Runner shifts his weight, foot to foot. Comfortable.
“Time!”
Took too long. Everyone steps back.
Batter loosens the Velcro on his glove.
Tightens it.
His eyes wander, take in the twilit scene.
The lights are dead. Soon they’ll come on.
Not yet. He’ll have no help there.
He stretches. Steps back in the box.
Here we go.
Lean in. Signs. Runner.
No pause this time. Eyes to the plate.
Catcher sets up in. Glove comes up below the hands.
His bat sways slightly, as his body shifts. Full of energy. Ready.
Left leg rises, swings back. Hands rise.
Pause, back facing the batter.
Hands separate. Ball drops, dangles.
Left foot shoots forward.
Glove leads the way. Shoulders follow.
Staying closed, staying closed, as left foot descends.
Foot lands, shoulders fire.
Arm whips.
Ball flies.
Bat swings.
WHIFF.

16-Jul-2012 12:11:25

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

So, read the rest of your stuff from last week, Poller. Continued to be impressed.
I can't think of much to critique, honestly. There were a few places where perhaps it felt like you were trying too hard (can't recall where, though), but it was good. Touching, even.
I loved the way you described the feeling of just being with another person between the sister and narrator. Actually, all your descriptions were vivid. I liked how you described intangibles so well.
I also liked the style you used. I haven't read much of anything you've written recently, but this is obviously different from the Tolkien-like style of Ardhonmeth, etc, and I don't remember you writing outside that style with such high quality.
Anyhow, if this was something of an experiment in style for you, I'd most certainly call it a success.
Was there anything else in particular you wanted addressed?

17-Jul-2012 09:18:19

Dec

2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Thanks, Chuk.
Yeah, it was mainly how well the style came across, and whether it carried emotion like I hoped it would. It's generally whither my style's evolved, but I haven't really written a lot of late.
The other concern was that it was a little too pretentious at times, or my diversions descended into pseudo-philosophical ****ery. It seems you didn't get that impression, though, so that's good.

17-Jul-2012 09:44:56

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