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~The Anthology II~

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6c91921auvd

6c91921auvd

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Yeah, some of the stuff that gets applied to TYL...
I remember reviewing some of the first Anthology, but that was eons ago.It's still hard to go back and read the one about Zaros returning. That and a few others I won't read after dark when I'm alone in the house... O_o

05-Dec-2008 23:09:32 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 23:10:22 by 6c91921auvd

A White Wolf

A White Wolf

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Thanks Oggy.
And yeh Geo, I don't know if people are afraid to review it, or what the deal is.
It's just gotten to be almost silly.
EDIT: And lol, yeh, the original Anthology was started about 3 years ago.

05-Dec-2008 23:16:55 - Last edited on 05-Dec-2008 23:17:22 by A White Wolf

A White Wolf

A White Wolf

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Hehe, yeh.
It was very sad for me too, to see it go. I mean, there were posts on there from people who no longer write, who were banned, people making their first posts on the forum who later turned out to be great authors.
It was similar to how seeing the very first SD thread go away felt.

05-Dec-2008 23:45:34

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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I could perhaps spend sometime reading this, since I got an extra free period in school, but maybe not a review because I haven't done one before ... and the fact that I think rating a story actually undermines the actual content.
English's commentary involves:
~Typo spotting.
~Spelling checking.
~Punctuation usage.
~Agreement in text.
~Flow of sentences.
=p

08-Dec-2008 08:53:35 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2008 09:16:16 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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Twilight's shadow:
Good story. your ability to describe is exceptional. You captured the horror well, and yet puzzling, it seemed the hunter was a hired assasin.
Just some notes here for this story:
"No, sprinting."
~Consider using something more powerful than a comma here. I thought this could be done better.
"He tried to slowly peer out"
~Grammer is not my forte, but I could see what you call a 'split-infinitive', because an infinitive is 'to perr out', which is the proper grammer for it, just an interesting side note, anyway.
"preventing any skin’* exposure at all."
~Are you 100% sure skin needs an apostrophy 's' here? I'm not, lol.
"it was very clear he was actually a she."
~Just thought I'd put this here because I find this line incredibly amusing to read.
Apprently, nothing major drew my attention. Just some other bits that could do with a better sound, but that's really it.

08-Dec-2008 11:17:58 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2008 11:45:13 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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The forest:
I like how you reversed situations in your ******** writing, about the water being the sweest nectar he has ever tasted. I wonder how the story really started in the first place, though, how did the adventure start ... but anyway, I'm intrigued.
Just some notes:
"After drinking a little, he stopped, and let his dehydrated, malnourished body get used to the sensation of water in his belly."
~Nothing major, possibly just a tiny bit clumsy on the expression.
"A few miles away, a town was burning, and screams of the injured floated up on the humid breeze."
~Unless he is on a HUGE mountain, normally people can't see what's going on a few miles away. If he was on a mountain however, you could possibly make it more clear? (I noticed you used the word 'hillock', but its height really isn't going to let you see what's happening after a few miles.) sounds would also be unlikely to carry across such distance, unless it's extremely quiet, but I would assume the forest to be buzzing with insects though. Sorry, just a logical point.
"The man sprinted down the side of the hillock and out of the forest, towards the burning village."
~Sprinting for a few miles would take ... mmm ... 40 minutes? :| Is he agile enough to do that?
"verdant greenery"
~Do you have a particular fondness for the word 'verdant'? You have been using it quite a number of times in a short story this length. You may want to change some wording.
"It continued on forever apparently."
~Possibly a comma after 'forever'.
"Bodies of women and children lay strewn everywhere, gore laid about them"
~Is it your intention to use the EXACT description again when he revisits the village?
Very puzzling story :p
Was gonna spend more time on reading but I noticed you haven't got the Zaros story in page 6!
I am not amused ...

08-Dec-2008 11:45:03 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2008 11:49:02 by Englishkid62

A White Wolf

A White Wolf

Posts: 8,377 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
English's commentary involves:
~Typo spotting.
~Spelling checking.
~Punctuation usage.
~Agreement in text.
~Flow of sentences.
I'm not interested in a numerical rating anyway, what you're commenting on is what I'm interested in, so thank you for your time.
It's rare people give an in-depth look at anything beyond the first story The Tomb, so I'd imagine the quality will get progressively worse the further in you read. *chuckles*

08-Dec-2008 22:19:23

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