RuneScape Forum Archive | |::Diary Of A Noob::| <>FULL<>

FriendshipUI

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DAY EIGHTEEN -intimidation-
today me and Yoshi headed back to the blue moon in, to celebrate my recent cow slaughter. On our way in the bar, we noticed 2 lvl 120's standing next to the entrance talking to each other. How dare they! Standing outside MY bar! I should teach them a lesson just to show off! But first, as always, the ceremonial beer. what? I always have to drink before I’m about to do something. Then after that I have to drink a safety beer, incase I forgot to drink the first one. then I have to drink a precaution beer, in case I didn't drink the 2nd one. Then I have to...... *20 beers later*

"kaaaaay Yoosshhii *hic* wha ar da to fellers names? *hic*"
"well *hic*" says yo*hi. "one ofvvv dem es name light lord45 en oder ish named flame bird-. "*hic* lets get to work!" after i say this we both puke and sober up a bit.
"hey you to over there! no lotering! buy a drink or leave!" I shouted. Man... I'm awesome.
"oh? and whose going to make us, little man?" light lord said with a grin. "little man!?!?! don't you know who I am!!! im THE noob." I screamed back at him.
"You sure are!" said Flame Bird. They gave each other a high five and snickered.
"Why thank you!" I chirped. Finally, some respect from these guys. They stared at me looking confused.. "Don't talk to him Flame Bird, he's just a dumb noob." Light Lord sneered.
"That tears it, c'mon! We're fighting!" I shouted and raised my MIGHTY fists into the air in a clear sign of war.
They looked at me, then burst out laughing.
"You're on!" says light lord45.
OMG! AND GUESS WHAT!? before we even got to the place where we were goin to fight, we went back to Lumbridge! AW MAN! I was really looking forward to teach those guyz a leason...

21-Jan-2008 00:08:46 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 06:36:43 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY NINETEEN -royal plea-

After I frightened the two lvl 120's away, I am pretty sure that I'm meant to be king. It's fate... I know it! Maybe it's just gas. Maybe it's alittle of both? Who knows! Just that moment is when I got the summoning of a lifetime.... I busted through the door.
"What can i do you you?" I said, very smugly. The king caught me on that. "Exuse me!? I am the king of varrock, and I will be adressed as such!" "ok, ok.... GEEZ!" I said. "Now tell me, what aid do you require to summon THE noob? Better be important."
"Well you see mr..... er......Noob, you are becoming quite the character. It seems everyone knows your name, and they say it a lot!" He started, pacing.
"where are you going with this?" I said, hiding my glee and anticipation. "Well, I was thinking about inlisting your service for our army. A person like you might attract others to join.
"hmmmm... what'll be my pay?" I raised an eyebrow.
"your payment will be 1k a day." OMG!!! I must be dreaming!!! 1k!!!! I'll be rich!!! I'm pretty sure if I was any happier I'd spontaneously combust! *waits for it* Nope nothing.
"Ik!" I said. "But the jokes on you, cuz i woulda done it for free! haha!" "Okay.." sayz the king. "You can work for free." DARN!!!
"Think you can break my spirit? Well, the jokes still on you! cuz i woulda payed you to join!" "ok, pay us to join." NOOOOOO!!!
*sigh* "do you take checks?"

and that begins my dayz in the army......

21-Jan-2008 00:12:17 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 06:36:58 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY TWENTY - new instructor-

Today, I woke up pretty darn early. Why? Because it was the first day of my ARMY TRAINING. I am so excited! It feels better than the thought of becoming king.... oh wait, lets not get carried away now. I was eager to see what my instructor had in store for us! I had convinced Yoshi to come to army camp with me for fear of being lonely and depressed without constant companionship...Forget I just said that.
There's a lesson to be learned here today.... With the right ammount of immagination, and some hope, and A LOT of beer, anything's possible!!! Yoshi was sooo drunk, that he wasn't about to refuse anything I say!
Anywayz, me and about 10 other guys were with me, including Yoshi. I guess we were all going to train together. hmm...thats odd. usually theres atleast one girl per squad. We're like the only squad with not even one girl....I wonder what makes ours different... who knows, only time will tell. hopefully in 3-D. i love 3-D! You know, it's just how they advertise it I don't like. On commericals, they always make it look like it's eye-poping, mind-blowing 3-D, but it never is! The only difference between that and a regular movie is that the 3-D has depth, which is ok in my book. OH! SRY! got alittle carried away.
*5 hours later*
I don't like our new instructor...... Just something about his isn't right.....ever had that feeling? Where the answer is so close, you can practically taste it...hmm...Well maybe you can tell me? Let me tell you what we've been through. WELL! first of all, we had these weird "exercise" at the beginning. Designer skirts, and walks down a run way. I thought the instructor was mad. I mean seriously, this skirt with these boots? *scoffs* big fashion no-no. Is this how army training is supposed to be like?
you know what? lets just forget about it. Tomorrow's another day.

21-Jan-2008 00:12:18 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 06:37:13 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY TWENTYONE -Obstacle Course-

Today I woke up to find that the instructor I had yesterday was fired from his duties as a trainer. I was just really....REALLY happy to have a new instructor.
Our new instructor i like. He doesn't fuss around. Total business, just like myself. *Yoshi snickers* "Oh shut up Yo*hi!" Today's training was a big obstacle course. First we had to ride the ....*gulp* - *voice starting to crack* teeter-totter of DOOM! up and down...UP AND DOWN! It just never stopped! MAKE THE BAD TEETER-TOTER GO AWAY MOMMY! *fetal position*
*a few minutes later*
Umm...Sorry you had to see that.... Got a little worked up. Anyway, our next challenge was the scariest tea party you ever saw! I mean, WHATS THE POINT OF THE THING!?! There's no tea in the cups! IT'S EVIL I TELLS YA! The dolls, I MEAN ACTION FIGURES just kept staring at me.... Ever see a action figure's eyes, chief? Looking back at cha...all black and lifeless like.... 10 people enter the tea party, 2 come out. Fortunately it was me and Yo*hi, the others will be doomed to a life of good manners and edicate. *shivers*

Finally, with only me and yoshi left, we had to face the last challenge! We had to sit through some MERCHANT IVORY films! I KNOW! truly, TRUELY horible! You know, at the beginning, your like "oh this movie must be a metaphor for something other then the bordom i'm feeling" BUT IT'S NOT! it's just boring! How can people sleep at night knowing that soldiers are being tortured like that!
Well, lights out, and i need to cry some more. bye bye.

21-Jan-2008 00:12:18 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 06:38:32 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY TWENTYTWO -The Declaration-
Yes, I just heard from the commander of the WHOLE army that there was going to be a war! the goblins are attacking the gnomes,and, as the allies of the gnomes, the king of Varrock(or ex-king in my book), offered to help.
We got our orders, and we had to make preparations. Yoshi and I had to gather more troops for the king of Varrock. So, we go to Varrock Square, and go around saying "Enlist in the Varrock Army! Wages are 1k per day!" at the end of the day, we have a lvl 3, 5, 8, and a 15!!!!
"This is going better than we hoped!" said Yoshi. "Yeah it is! We might get a promotion or something!!"
Omg!! and we ACTUALLY did get this really epic promotion!! We got to bathe the chickens and pick up the poop and get them prepared for eating!! The poop..I could have done without.....But still!!! The king will soon be taken down, it's just a matter of time! I looked around, and when I made sure I was alone, I shouted "hear me king of Varrock," Which admittedly was a weird thing to say having just made sure I was alone, "I, Noob of Runescape, shall kill you for your kingdom! all your soilders will be mine!! muhahahahahahahahaha...haha...haha.." then I noticed I wasnt alone, but with other soilders...
"Haha...ha.....ha...oohhhh.....umm.. I mean....freedom to the gnomes!!!" The soilders shout in agreement!! "The fools!" Then...I noticed that I said that outloud again....I mean...umm..."the fool goblins!!" the soilders shout in agreedment!!
I whispered "muhahahahaha."

21-Jan-2008 00:12:19 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 06:44:52 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY TWENTYTHREE- Scouting Runescape -
I can see the king is worried. Last night, a party of goblins came here and killed 5 soilders. Wish I was there, it would have been a great photo opportunity! I would have said, "ok everyone! grab a head and make it smile! Say cheese!!" My sides are still killing me from laughing so hard! But the king does not share in my humor. He is very worried, so he sends us and other soilders on scouting parties to find these goblins. The other soilders got to go places like Falador and the Wildy! and know what i get!? I get the goblin village! come on!! what are the chances of finding them here!! I was mad but Yoshi tapped me on the shoulder, and said "think again."
"Wait! how do you know what i was thinking!?" i asked. "Its in the script" "shh!"
*cough* back to the story. He pointed to the goblin village, and who would have guessed! Goblins were there! But there were alot. Even I couldn't take so many(maybe a few thousands) but there were A LOT. "Yoshi, go tell the king to bring some troops here, I'll keep an eye on 'em." Yoshi nodded and ran off.
*2 hours later*
"WHERE IS YOSHI!!!" Little did I know, he was in Fally bar hitting on a barmaid. It just struck me I said that to loud, and the goblins found me. I killed a few, "your'll never take me alive!"
After that, I had hundreds of spears pointed at my neck... "Nvm, take me away." It was bad! They made me listen to rap music!! OMG IT WAS TERRIBLE! You young kids with your hip new style and lingo!! Most weren't even real words!! *faints*
When I came to, I realized I was alone, SO WHERE IS YOSHI!! Now he was in the blue moon in hitting on the barmaid...which...he must be really drunk...because the barmaid is a guy...
The guy hit Yoshi so hard he snapped out of his drunkneness and skipped the hangover, and was thrown into the King's chambers. "King, me and the noob have found the goblins."
I finally got out after I "bribed" a guard to let me have the keys, fine i killed him.

21-Jan-2008 00:12:19 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 06:54:47 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY TWENTYFOUR -Aiding the Force-
Geez, the king was outraged! We thought he was going to explode! Ya, then we had to tell him the his troops failed to neutralize the goblin camp. He took it pretty well for a guy going crazy in a room filled with swords. Anyay, once the king got all the anger let out, and all the people in the room were "sleeping", he proceeded in telling the commanders a plan. Luckily, I stole a commander's uniform from the locker room. Unfortunately, the guy at the front door saw through my plan, and saw that I wans't a commander. So I just hit him in the face with a shovel. To add on to the unfortunate situation, the guy wasn't dead! So for the entire meeting, outside we were hearing "Oh dear god the pain!" and "just let me die to take away this agony!" not to mention "Help me! I'm dying, can't you hear me!?" and "is it time for pudding!"
But all the commanders (and me) ignored it. "my plan is working perfectly. now that im in the meeting, I can infulence the king's decision for my own twisted and evil plot! muhahahahaha!" All the commanders looked at me. Oops, I have to remember the difference between in my head and out-side speaking. "Umm thats what i would have said if I planned to overthrow the king, which i don't!" They all nodded their heads and got backs to their maps and tactical agreements.
"Ok," said the king, "how are we going to dispatch the goblin camp, eliminating that will aid us greatly in the war."
"We can send for help." aid a commander next to me. It gave me an idea...
"We should send the Noob to Falador to make peace agreements. He's not having a big enough part in the war for his heroic stature." I said, with a deep voice.
Tthe king rubbed his chin and said "hmmm." Which means he was considering it! "ok, call for the Noob. he will be dispatched at once."
"haha! these idiots are playing right into my hand!" I shouted. Dang it! I shouted that. Everyone was looking at me. "what i mean was erm..u see.." I ran out.

21-Jan-2008 00:12:19 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 07:07:38 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY TWENTYFIVE -Fally's Negotiations-
HEHEHEHEHE! My plan to take over Runescape is entering its first phase. the trick-Varrock-king-into-trusting-me-phase phase! I know, the guy who usually makes the codenames is on a coffee break. Anyway, so Yoshi, and two other soldiers are along with me on this privite mission. Tehe! I have guards.
"For the last time Noob, WE ARE NOT YOUR GUARDS! we are an elite team used specifically for negotiations" said one of my "guards". "ya ya less talky more neogotiation...y.." I thought that was going to work out better then it did.
We reached Fally central at about 3 hours after noon. As messengers, we first were invited inside for a complementary breakfast. Ahhh nothing like rice crispy squares and a chocolate covered kitten, over easy. I hate when they do it hard, because then it's all smushed and you're like "what the heck am I suppose to do with this?" I mean seriously, some people are just gross.
We reached the negotiation table, and I sat down. The king sat down at the other end. "Welcome to the humble city of Falador. What is it that I can do for you fine gentlemen?" I opened my mouth to speak, but before anything came out, my "guard" next to me spoke up.
"Greetings, we represent the kingdom of Varrock. At the moment our stronghold is in grave danger."
The king leaned forward in interest. "And of what does this danger behold?"
"Goblins, lordship." my other guard said. The king nodded slowly "Hmm. a troubled race it is. What sort of aid do you require?"
My guard next to me got into this whole boring speech. "We ask your aid to help destroy a goblin camp. We believe we found their main base. Goblins are stupid, but tactical. We've got the element of surprise, because I doubt they know that we know. But they will probably have some defenses. This is why we need your help. We do not know the extent of their defenses, and we rather not take the chance with a small army."

21-Jan-2008 00:12:19 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 07:17:19 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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Together, we can beat them!!" said the first guard with a shout. The king looked at us.” I will think your offer over gentlemen. Good day." and with that, the king left.
I wrapped my arm around the 2 "guards" and said "good teamwork guards! I couldn't have done it without you guys! Though you can do with a bit of learning from me, the master. The king of the noobs!" one of the guards shook his head. "He’s such a noob..." "And you better not forget it!" I quipped back.

21-Jan-2008 00:16:57 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 07:18:11 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY TWENTYSIX -countdown begins-
After the skillful Negotiations by me, and my 2 lackeys (Yoshi did*’t make it to the negotiations, because.....well....beforehand Yoshihi told me he was going to see how long he could balance a sword on his nose...unforchually we were in the compacter room where the ceiling comes down quickly....it...it was a mess..)
Yoshi was at the camp when we arrived, drinking beer...good ol' Yoshi. Then, all the solders were ordered to the auditorium (which is just a big field with a chair for the commander to step on). "Silence everyone." and the talking became a few murmurs, then totally quiet.
The commander stood upon the chair and looked around the crowd. He looked like a guy who just received word that goblins are going to attack our base or something. Come on though, what are the chances...
"we just got word that in 5 more days, the goblin forces will sweep across this land, and kill us all, we want to strike first! In only three days, our army will combine with the Falador army, and we will charge the goblin base!! Once that is destroyed, the goblins won’t stand a chance!"
The countdown starts today, was his basic message. To sum the rest up so your head won't explode, he said tomorrow is for preparations, then we make a 1 mile radius around the goblin village...Day 29....Things will get ugly! Better bring my camera! It would make an awesome Christmas card! No I am not talking about “I haven’t studied for this test and my teacher is going to kill me" kind of ugly, I mean the full blown John Wayne and Sylvester Stallone beating up Barney with steel pipes kind of ugly! Now that’s ugly!!

21-Jan-2008 00:16:58 - Last edited on 08-Dec-2010 07:23:27 by FriendshipUI

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