RuneScape Forum Archive | |::Diary Of A Noob::| <>FULL<>

FriendshipUI

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The leader spotted me and pointed.
“Intruder!” He boomed. I heard guards unsheathing their swords and roars of amused, jeering laughter from the barbarians and savages. As they were closing on me, I took a chance at diplomacy.
“I’ve come to negotiate!” I turned to the leader and yelled, “I just want to talk!” The leader laughed at this. “Barbarians talk with their fists and swords!” was his reply. I started backing up.
“You don’t understand: I am "The Noob!” I said, in a last ditch effort to spare myself.
The leader raised a hand to stop everyone. Everyone backed off and looked to him. If the leader was surprised, he hid it well. He walked down some steps to the bottom of his throne, and walked over to me. He gave me a look-over. He said in a hushed tone, “You are either The Noob, or a great fool for impersonating him. Before we continue, you do realize that the historical lore said he died nearly 50 years ago?” He asked.
I gulped and nodded.
“Very well,” Said the leader, “To prove your worth, you shall fight one of my best in hand-to-hand combat in the Octurn.” Alarm filled me.
“Why do I have to fight someone!?” I squealed.
“If the nature spirit finds you are telling the truth, she will let you win.” The leader said. I thought about this option, but also considered others.
*What if I refuse?” I asked. “You will be set free with my blessing.” He said. I was about to say “really?” but before I could, the leader cracked into laughter which echoed through the halls. “Woo, couldn’t say that with a straight face. Seriously thought, we’ll kill you.” He grinned. I begrudgingly agreed to his terms.
I was lead to a pit-like arena shaped like an Octagon. It was only a little bigger than an average boxing ring. Barbed-wire fence circled the ring of death. Bones were scattered everywhere. Not a good sign…

21-Jan-2008 02:37:50 - Last edited on 17-Mar-2008 21:03:58 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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On the other side, a portcullis was gradually opened, and down went a drawbridge. I gulped as out of the darkness came a massive, muscle-filled creature that I’m guessing was my opponent. The man stood about 6”6 tall, looked to weight about 300 pounds or so. He wore primitive brown pants and no shirt, exposing his chest muscles, which I could easily have mistaken for other arms. I took one look at this man and peed myself.
*Ok Noob, you need a plan…” I whispered to myself. I started thinking. Ok, he’s clearly bigger and stronger than me. He also looks like he has years of fighting under his non-existing belt. I came up with a plan, one that was full thought-out and couldn’t possible fail. I’m going to try to go on the offensive! Maybe I could surprise him! A sly grin came across face. He was going DOWN!
A smaller, yet still strong, man entered the ring. I guess he was the ref. He told us to both come to the center so he could explain the rules. I walked up to the center , my adversary did the same. “Rules:” Began the ref, “Win or die, Any questions?” Silence. *Ok, shake hands.” He said. I put out my arm to shake his hand, only to have it not come back at all. Blood filled my shoulder. It took me a few seconds to realize he ripped off my arm.
“Hey! Can he do that!?” I yelled. The ref shrugged his shoulders and left the ring. Great! Now I can only fight with one arm! How was I going to do this?
DING! The bell sounded and the match started. The man roared and lunged towards me. I rolled out of the way just in time. I began to think to myself again.
Ok Noob, you need another world-famous plan. What is a barbarians’ weakness? I dodged a punch aimed at my head, but it was followed up by a kicked that hit me square in the gut. I stumbled for managed not to fall.

21-Jan-2008 02:37:50 - Last edited on 17-Mar-2008 20:26:37 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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I ducked to dodge another punch, and came up and said, “Quick! If I had 3 apples, and I ate 1, how many are left!?” I yelled. The barbarian stumbled like he’d been hit, but quickly shook it off and came back for more. He grabbed me, picked me up and threw me about 10 feet through the air, knocking the wind out of me. That did*’t stop me though, I continued my brain-melting plan.
“Quick! What is 1/4 plus 1/3!?” I screamed. The barbarian fell to his knees and groaned. He stumbled back up slowly, and charged towards me. He grabbed me by the shoulder, but before he could through me, I hit him with the best thing I got.
“Which came first: the chicken or the egg!?” I said. The barbarian flew back as if pushed hard and collapsed to the ground. I saw tears forming on the edge of his eyes. As he laid there, breathing hard, he mumbled, “No more! Please no more!”
After my victory, I was lead back into the feast hall. The leader approached me wearily. “I’m…I’m sorry I doubted you. It was just, you know, we had to be sure. I am Kel Thuzad80, but call me Kel. Please, oh Noob, sit down so we can discuss for whatever reason you have blessed us with your presence.”
I nodded, but then though about something. “First, you have to release my friends you captured.”
Kel looked towards two of his guards and gave a jerky nod. As the guards left, the leader smiled. “It is done.” He said warmly.
I then proceeded to tell him in great detail of our plan, and our adventure so far. I then got to the question at hand, and asked him to join this make-shift alliance.
Kel stroked his beard gingerly. “Usually, I would kill a man for suggesting for what you are. No one in 50 years has ever considered such an alliance.” He began, “But… in light that it is you, and you are the one who predicted this, I’m guessing you know how to get us all out of this. Very well, Noob. I trust you with my life, and my people. We will be at the war meeting to help aid the cause.

21-Jan-2008 02:37:51 - Last edited on 17-Mar-2008 20:27:06 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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I did a silent “Yes!” movement to myself. I then recovered and bowed. “You are a wise man.” I said. He nodded thankfully.
“You and your friends will be escorted out of our territory where you will be able to continue this quest. You can expect the barbarians to aid you in your attempts to overthrow Saradomin. Good luck.”
Hours later, the gang and I found a suitable camping spot to stay the night. While Doodle lit the fire, I bragged about what went down. I milked it for all it’s worth. Eventually, they just got tired of hearing about my greatness.
“Just go to bed!” I heard Amy said.
On to the Forth of 5 next!

21-Jan-2008 02:37:51 - Last edited on 17-Mar-2008 21:08:17 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY NINETYFIVE -Forth of 5-
So, there I was: Happy in my sleep-state. I was one with the universe, and the universe was one with two, and two with three, and three with five. Ya, there was a board meeting… We decided it best to leave four out of all of this. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh ya, I was sleeping. It was a good, deep sleep too, one I did*’t particularly want to get waken up from. But hey, I’m the Noob! Universe loves to do everything exactly what I don’* want it to do. For instance, remember that nice, calm, quiet sleep I just told you about? Ya…
BOOM!
“Noob, wake up, we need to get out of here!” Came a voice from the blackness. In reality I was closing my eyes, but I did*’t know that at the time. I was confused and scared and I pretty sure I wet myself. I did*’t have time to yawn or wipe the sleepies out of my eyes before I was yanked you and I was diving. I found out later that Amy had picked me up and thrown me out of the way of something. What you ask? And spoil the suspense of my own diary that no one is ever going to read but myself? Pfft I wish!
I was thrown into a fiery hailstorm that was reality. I looked around to see Yoshi cowering behind a rock with Oreo, defenders drawn. Something hit the rock and some of it was blown away, but most of it remain. It was enough; however, and Yoshi and Oreo hit the deck. I looked a little father and saw Doodle firing some spells from beyond the hillside. Whatever he was firing at was the thing firing at us. With him was Jaya, pointing and shouting, but it was to loud and I couldn’t make out anything she was saying. I found out later that she was shouting out weak points to Doodle.
Amy grabbed me and pulled me up. “C’mon, we got to hide!” She shouted.
We ducked down behind a pillar-like rock and I decided it was time for some answers. “Amy, what’s going on!?” I said, covering my ears as an explosion cascaded not to far from where we were.

21-Jan-2008 02:37:51 - Last edited on 05-May-2008 22:56:01 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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“They came out of no where. We couldn’t have seen it coming!” Amy said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself. I grabbed her shoulders. “Amy, who? Whose coming?” Amy shook her head.
“Jaya called them pirates, but I’m not sure. I’ve never seen weaponry so advanced.” Amy stumbled.
“A lot of things might have occurred in the 50 years we’ve been gone. Things get invented, you know?” I said, trying to offer an explanation.
We saw Jaya and Doodle run down the hill towards us. Jaya gave a signal that told Oreo to come over to where we were. Oreo grabbed Yo*hi, who was still whimpering in a fetal position, and dragged him over to where we were. “What are we waiting for? Why don’t we just run?” Oreo yelled to be heard over a loud whistle then an explosion. That sounded pretty good at the moment. Get away from the people who are trying to kill us; Always a good start, wouldn’t you agree?
“Unfortunately,” Started Jaya “We can’t leave. They are the reason why we are here.” My brain kind of clicked off for me for a second. I tried to make sense of what she just said. I looked up at her, “B-but… The reason we’re here t-to find the fourth of 5.”
Jaya sighed. “Exactly,” Came the cold reply, “Everyone, meet the fourth of 5.”
The bullets stopped firing. “Why is it so quiet now?” Yoshi asked.
“Because the gunmen are on a low-kill diet.” Amy said sarcastically. Doodle answered a bit more serious.
“It’s how pirates work, first we get a few warning shots, then a cease fire, then we have 10 minutes to either show up and willing go as their prisoners or they continue their attack, we die, and the pillage and steal all that we have.”
I drew my sword and gave a short, insightful laugh. “We know what to do.”

21-Jan-2008 02:42:40 - Last edited on 05-May-2008 22:56:31 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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10 minutes later, we were in chains, again, upon a giant vessel that I assumed to be a pirate ship. Why? A lot of guys going around saying “Arr!” and with bandanas, eye patches, peg legs, and no dental hygiene! Oh, and they sometimes burst into spontaneous song and dance as if a musical, singing in harmony about the high seas. It’s…pretty creepy, have to say.
We immediately invoked the right of parley, which everyone knows will protect us until we have negotiated with the captain. Well, obviously there had been some…er.. “Modifications” to the rule, because not only did they beat the living daylights out of all the guys, they treated the girls as if they were queens, just to make us look all the worse! Finally, they let us talk with the captain.
They brought us to a lavish ship room, well… at least as lavish as this world can get, and sitting down on a big tabled was a tired-looking old man with a long, white beard. He looked to be in his 80’s, which is incredible! He’s one of the oldest guys I’ve ever seen. He saw us and breathed a sigh and let it out. “Please, sit,” The old man said Politely, “And my name is Skeef so you don’t need to refer to me as old man anymore. It will make your monologue easier.” We all nodded and took our seats. Skeef poured some red liquid that I immediately noticed to be dragon bitter into a cup and drank some.
“So… You’ve claimed parley. Please, why ’av you done so? “ Skeef asked. I gulped and answered.
*Ok, this is going to sound crazy, but I’m the Noob, we need your help killing Saradomin, we’ve already got 3 of the major clans behind us and we could really need your support and I’m starting to run out of breath but I’m still talking for the sake of informing you on our situation and I’m really starting to get dizzy and I would REALLY like some of that dragon bitter.” I finished, took a deep breath, and collapsed back into my chair.

21-Jan-2008 02:42:41 - Last edited on 05-May-2008 22:56:46 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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Skeef looked at me for a few seconds, then gave a short chuckle. “Really now? Now I wouldn’t suppose you would be able to come up with some evidence that supports your argument?” He asked.
I checked my pockets. I had some string and a quill. “Would this be enough?” I asked. Skeef laughed. “Nope.” He said. The guards started to seize us when I broke free and said, “I served in the goblin wars.”
“Everyone knows that.”
“I served on team BAIT!” I said.
“Odd, but still knowable.”
“I served as a pirate!” I said exasperated.
The room fell silent. Skeef folded his arms. “Really now. What was the ship’s name?” He asked.
I searched deep into my memory. It was a few months ago… Ooooohhh what was the name!? I believe it had Death in the name… Death something… Then it clicked into my mind.
“Me and Yoshi here served on the Death Trap. We were scouting a weapons barge and took it over. Then the captain ran out on us.” I finished, satisfied.
Skeef looked shocked. “How…How do you know that? Tell me the truth!!!” He suddenly snapped.
I said calmly, “I told you, I am the Noob, and I need your help.”
Skeef looked off into another direction. “There’s no way you can know that… unless… unless**
I finished for him, “Unless I was there.”
He looked back on me and grinned. “That’s the ship I got my start on, as a pirate! I remember two young, idiotic cabin boys who did anything we asked. Then, that fatal day when the captain tried to kill us all, I somehow survived. But he gave me this.” He said, lifting up his leg to reveal a peg leg. “An arrow speared right through it. Needed some quick surgery, I did. But I was good as new and looking for some revenge. After I found out you already killed him, I decided to take my revenge on humanity and became the most feared pirate of the seas.” He said, with growing enthusiasm.

21-Jan-2008 02:42:42 - Last edited on 05-May-2008 22:59:26 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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“But…” He said falling back down, “I got old and started having to have my crew do more and more of my daily tasks until, finally, I’m basically now just a figurehead. Bedridden mostly.” He sighed.
I chose my next words carefully. “Listen, help us and I’ll let you kill Yo*hi. Might cheer you up.”
“WHAT!?” Yoshi yelped.
“Deal.” Captain said, and ordered his men to drag Yoshi away.
As Yoshi was getting dragged away, he said “Oh, you are the worst type of person.”
“So, Noob, what do you need of me?”
I then explained the whole plan about killing Saradomin and taking over and blah blah blah. Old news, right?
Skeef stroked his beard. “Well… I DO hate humanity, and this might be a chance to take it to a divine level. Al right Noob, you got yourself an accord.” He said, taking my hand and shaking it. “As you said, we will meet in two days time at the meeting place. I will send my fastest ships. Good luck. I will have my men escort you out.”
And with that, we left the ship. I noticed the rest of the gang looking at me strangely. I turned and decided to see what was going on. “What? Why are you all staring at me like that?” I asked.
“You just left Yo*hi there!?” Doodle asked.
“To die!?” Added Amy.
“With no one to help him!?” Oreo threw in.
I put up my arms defensively, “Hey, hey, don’t worry, I got it all planned out. In fact, unless my calculations are not correct, we should see Yoshi in 3...2...1... Now.”
And just like that, Yoshi was thrown off the ship and landed in the sand at our feet. The others were shocked. I helped Yoshi up and we both gave a knowing laugh, leaving the others baffled. “How did you escape Yo*hi?” questioned Oreo.
“Annoyed the executioner into submission. Works every time.” Yoshi winked.
Four down, one to go. It’s time to pay a visit to the fifth of 5.

21-Jan-2008 02:42:42 - Last edited on 05-May-2008 23:00:13 by FriendshipUI

FriendshipUI

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DAY NINETYSIX -Fifth of 5-
Reality began to sink in as the day of reckoning grows nearer. The day the bars return the Runescape. Oh… and the day I have to kill Saradomin. I guess that’s an important day also* it’s a close second. If I manage to sway the last of the major clans into joining the first of 5’s banner, we may have a shot at getting at Saradomin. As we were walking to the safe spot to teleport to the next location, I couldn’t help but feel weary as-
“Noob! We’re ready to go!” Doodle shouted impatiently.
“Shh! Can’t you see I’m doing a monologue!?” I snapped back. Doodle put his hands up in defense.
“Sheesh. Soooorrry.” replied Doodle. I returned to starring straight ahead, with a determined sparkle in my eyes, and cued the wind to restart blowing through my hair. Where was I? Oh yes… Weary as we continue the trek for the last clan. Jaya assured me that this last clan’s support is vital…
“Yay here comes a flashback!” Yoshi squeaked as we faded to white.
*Flashback*
“We are traveling to what once was Keldagrim,” Jaya began to explain, “it is where the mages, necromancers, ancients, and lunar* went after Saradomin took over. Without these spell casters, we won’t be able to open the portal wide enough for all of us to go in at once. We’d be reduced to small groups going through the house portal at a time.” She said.
Whether they are peaceful or uninviting, we’ll soon find out. They’ll either kill us on the spot or have us do some kind of trial, like the others.
*End flashback*
“Ok, I’m ready to go!” I chimed.
“Finally!” Oreo exclaimed.
And so we teleported to the cave entrance to the city. Unfortunately, a dark, long, creepy tunnel lay ahead of us. I heard Yoshi gulp, “Do we have to go down there?” He asked. Jaya nodded solemnly. “All the rail carts have been long since destroyed. This cart tunnel is the only straight-forward entrance. The only one where they hopefully won*t kill us on the spot.

21-Jan-2008 02:42:43 - Last edited on 30-Jun-2008 21:32:54 by FriendshipUI

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