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-= The Revolt Lover Series =-

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Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

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8 – Torture

My happiness is big when i see Lumbridge,
But not quite so big as when i sees a rumbridge,
Because rum is good,
It is like beer but better,
Wait...That wasn't rhyme,
But i hope it clear I'm tryin',
To rhyme,
Every time,
Uh...I like beer to be save for later,
Inside a refrigerator,
It so jolly to take a swig,
Now lets just mention Umbridge,
Anyway, my happiness is big,
When I do see Lumbridge.

-The Great Scribe - Tompayne2

Mr. Happy wiled away 4 hours in the cell beneath Lumbridge, whistling forlornly into the dank dark chamber and thinking up ways to kill Cheezit92. As he reached way #883: Light Cheezit92 on fire and make him jump off a building twisting and burning...Oh yeah! There would be so much twisting and so much burning...like a pyrefiend all the way to the ground so far below, the door to the cell screeched open. A head dressed in a leather cowl peered around the door's edge, then hesitantly a person stepped into the cell, offering a hand to Mr. Happy who was sitting against one of the cell's walls.
Lil Zezima:I'm sry but its my express orders
Lil Zezima:To take u to the torture chamber
Mr. Happy:I'm innocent
Lil Zezima helped him out the door and led him down a narrow hallway every bit as dank and dark as the cell.
Lil Zezima:I no
Lil Zezima:Cheezit doesnt see it that way tho
Mr. Happy:U believe me?
Lil Zezima:Yes
Mr. Happy :P lz get me out of this mess
Lil Zezima:Im sry, ill try
Lil Zezima:But i'm being watched by Cheezit's nooblets
Mr. Happy glanced around to see a shadow skitter off down a perpendicular corridor. He turned back around just in time to bump into Lil Zezima who had stopped before a door marked TORTOOR.
Lil Zezima:Here we are, u go in
Mr. Happy:U coming with me?
Lil Zezima:Nope, i'm supervising, Ms. Eyegouge27 will be with u shortly
Lil Zezima:To do...
Lil Zezima turned pale as he shoved Mr. Happy through the door.
Lil Zezima:Her job

27-May-2006 17:37:13

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
And then the door slammed shut and Mr. Happy once again found himself confined and isolated.

WARNING: THIS NEXT PART IS FOR THOSE DISGUSTING PEOPLE WHO ENJOY READING ABOUT GRUESOME TORTURE. CHILDREN UNDER 12 YEARS OF AGE AND ANYONE ELSE WHO FEELS QUEASY ON THIS SUBJECT PLEASE SKIP TO THE LINE: OK IT'S FINE NOW. THANK YOU.

Eyegouge27 preferred not to use a knife but rather her fingernails. Finding a spot where the skin was weak, she tenderly dug her fingernails beneath it and, with a quick jerk yanked a whole flap of it down, repeating the process twice more so that three strips were dangling towards the ground. She took a bite of the inside, it was delicious. Why she would ever need a knife to open a banana she didn't know, but she knew she deserved a good breakfast before going to see that lvl 69 guy. What was his name?
She opened the door to the torture chamber, giving Mr.Happy his first look at his torturer, a lvl 3 dressed in full bronze except for the helm. Not a single hair could be seen on her, her head was as bald as the legs protruding from beneath the bronze skirt. She held no weapon or instrument that seemed harmful. Nonetheless, (c)Mr. Happy wished to be anywhere but in this room. Something inhumane was planned for him, he could sense it in the air.
Eyegouge27:Hi
Mr. Happy:Um*m...hello
Eyegouge27:I was sent here to ask some questions
Mr. Happy:I'm innocent. I have no information you want
Eyegouge27 :O yes u do
And suddenly there was a knife in her hand, a disturbingly plain one.
(c)Mr. Happy:What is that for?
Eyegouge27:I just need some answers
Mr. Happy:I'll tell u what u want. Ask away!
Eyegouge27:Alright, what is this knife for?
Mr. Happy:How am I supposed to know?
Eyegouge27:In Runescape, what is it used for?
Mr. Happy:It's for fletchin
Eyegouge27:??
Mr. Happy:Making arrows
Eyegouge27:U turn knives into arrows?
Mr. Happy:No, you carve wood into arrow shafts with a knife.
Eyegouge27:How do you get wood?

27-May-2006 17:37:41

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Mr. Happy:U cut down trees...
Eyegouge27:With a knife?
Mr. Happy:No
Eyegouge27:Hey, I know where u find trees
Mr. Happy:Uh...
Eyegouge27:In mysterious ruins
Mr. Happy:Um..no. Trees are everywhere
Eyegouge27:What are mysterious ruins for then?
Mr. Happy:They are for runecraftin
Eyegouge27:Ruincrafting?
Mr. Happy:Making runes
Eyegouge27:So u use them to make more ruins?
Mr. Happy:No runes, to do magic
Eyegouge27:Ruins help u with magic?
Mr. Happy:NO!! Runes, like fire runes!
Eyegouge27 :O nly ones I've seen are mysterious ruins
Mr. Happy:Not ruins, runes!
Eyegouge27:??
Mr. Happy:Nvm
Eyegouge27 :O k...uh
Eyegouge27:So after I cut trees with knife, then what
Mr. Happy:You cut logs with knife
Eyegouge27:Kk
Mr. Happy:U don't cut with knife!!
Eyegouge27:??
Mr. Happy: U don't cut trees
Eyegouge27:Why don't u cut trees?
Mr. Happy:I do cut trees
Eyegouge27:I agree, cutting trees is fun
Mr. Happy:The u know u dont cut them with a knife
Eyegouge27:U don't?
Mr. Happy:Rrrrg....no u don't.
Eyegouge27:What do u cut them with?
Mr. Happy:An ax, didn't u do Tutorial Island?
Eyegouge27:I did but I didn't understand it
Mr. Happy:An ax
Eyegouge27:I have one
Mr. Happy:Good
Eyegouge27:Mine doesn't cut stuff tho
Mr. Happy:?
Eyegouge27:My screen says "Nothing happens"
Mr. Happy:Is it a battle axe?
Eyegouge27:What's the difference?
Mr. Happy :O ne is for killing people
Eyegouge27:I would never kill people
Mr. Happy: Just torture me and get it over with!!
Eyegouge27:What do you mean, torture?
Mr. Happy:Yes, that's what ur here for
Eyegouge27:I'm here to ask u questions
Eyegouge27:I have so many to ask
Mr. Happy:God no
Eyegouge27:So knives are for cutting down trees
Mr. Happy:No!!!!!!!!
Eyegouge27:Ur saying they aren't?
Mr. Happy:Stop!!
Eyegouge27:And are there trees in mysterious ruins?
Mr. Happy:No, they're for runecraftin
Eyegouge27:How do u craft ruins
Mr. Happy:Arrrrrrgh, nooo!
Eyegouge27:I don't think u can make ruins

27-May-2006 17:38:35

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
9 – Inspection

Traitors sometimes they are called,
Those people that switch sides,
A safety system they've installed,
To ride war's shifting tides.

Although noob-member tensions were growing they had not yet reached their climax. Noob and elitist groups were becoming ever more exclusive and now characters with combat lvls between 50 and 70 were not welcome on either side. They could too easily be traitors.
For these unlucky people, they had to train combat and eventually turn elitist or live a life as an outcast. Many small clans of lvl 50-70 people, were seen throughout this period, roaming the land and attacking either side - noobs or elitists - at their whim. Only small casualties resulted though, and some uneasiness when a group of 68 of these outcasts calling themselves "The Hobos" set up camp outside of Varrock and refused to leave.
Many questionables entered the noob camp during this period. Lvl 40-50 combats weren't uncommon and occasionally mith or addy armor was seen. Only one person with rune armor entered the camp during this era of uneasy peace, a lvl 28 with almost pure defense. His body was found the next day on the banks of the river running through Lumbridge. The word "elitist" had been branded on his forehead and he had apparently been choked to death and then robbed of all his possessions. Needless to say nobody wanted to show rune after that.
One of the questionable figures in Lumbridge was Magex24, a lvl 46 with robes that made his whole body transparent and a hood that hid his face but for eyes that seemed to glare at everyone and everything. Tompayne2, sitting in rags on the Lumbridge steps, dirt poor after a month of raging alcoholism and looking for a new inspiration met Magex24's eyes and was held spellbound until the cloaked figure disappeared from view.

27-May-2006 17:39:02

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
In his book on the noob-elitist war he remarked: "Guy in big blacky cloak looked at me with eyes, bulgy eyes like my eyes and bulgier...elitist eyes, not like mine actually, but bulgy like dark evil". Again, mighty words from that mighty noob writer that touched many hearts throughout this time of strife.
People say Magex24 glided through the crowds of noobs like a ghost, feet never touching the ground. Noobs made space for him as he surveyed the grounds, as though he might carry a disease and the only time he stopped on Lumbridge premises was to ask Lil Zezima to point out Cheezit92's room window - something not kept secret amongst the noobs. Then he glided out of the camp, up through Varrock, and into the Wildy.

27-May-2006 17:39:33

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
10 – Trickery

GOLDIFISH

Me pet was a fish,
He died in a bowl,
And because of thish,
I wish me pet was a troll.

-The Great Scribe - Tompayne2

Although everyone knew two deaths had occured in Lumbridge (Read Tompayne2's "Lumbridge Has Death and Bad Men Probably" to find out more about this) they overlooked the importance of it. They continued no knowing the importance until the elitists came and alot of noobs, and even then they didn't understand the importance for a few minutes in which they were too surprised to think.
For a few weeks after the first noob-elitist battle, Zezima had been working with a group of hackers from the elitist army to try to turn things his way. 24-7 he had made them work for him with a good salary, to sit and look through the runescape code and see if anything could be easily changed.
Many of these hackers went slightly mental after staring continuously at numbers for so long, but one man, Base6, was different. He thrived in numbers and the computer programming language. Some said he could even have educated conversations with computer programs. After days of mind-numbing work he found a glitch, something that could be changed in the runescape program. There was no way to tell what would change though.
He rushed to Zezima who was busy doing yoga but unwound his body anyway to listen to Base6 and then ordered him to use the glitch.
Base6 changed it, nothing seemed to happen.
For the next two weeks members were busy searching for what had changed, and it wasn't until the end of the two weeks that they found it: Cabbage on runescape was now red.
(On a side note the red cabbages were more detrimental than they seemed. Red cabbages were poisonous and caused upwards of 200 deaths throughout the war.)
But by this time it didn't matter anymore because a bug had somehow entered the runescape system which allowed players to be seen as creatures. They could now kill each other anywhere.

27-May-2006 17:45:29

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The whole world had become Wilderness, and Lumbridge no longer a safe haven. Zezima decided to use this to mount a surprise attack on Lumbridge.


The sentry groups set up around the castle were easy to take out, incredibly so. For each group of 6 noobs, 6 steel arrows was all it took. Voldemort moved in further with the rangers after the watchmen had been taken care of. He glanced to his left to see the 15 bulky meleers Zezima had sent along on this mission. They had a vital part to play in the plan, but his was of utmost importance. Only 40 people had been sent on this mission-15 melee, 24 range and him, the mage. All were above combat 110. Zezima did not want to risk high losses. The plan was supposed to be short and effective.
They met little opposition until they came to the entrance to the Lumbridge castle grounds. Before, only the occasional noob strolling down the path had had to be silenced by the occasional arrow, at the entrance a silent line of guards - at least 80 - stood at attention.
Seeing the elitists they sent one of their company forward.
Squeaky33:Halt. You cannot enter.
And then the plan sprung into motion.
Elitist archers nocked and released arrows 3 times and 72 noobs were down while dragon weapons crushed the bodies of the others, leaving deformed masses strewn on the ground. Instantly, the elitists broke into a run into the Lumbridge courtyard.
The sight that met Voldemort's eyes was staggering. Perhaps 5,000 noobs were crammed into this area milling about, bartering and conversing. The bodies were a crushing force on every side, suffocating. Voldemort knew his mission though and in the middle of the courtyard he and 19 rangers broke off from the rest and forced their way through the press of bodies to a corner of Lumbridge specified by Magex24 because of its clear view of Cheezit92's window.

27-May-2006 17:45:50

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
By now some of the noobs who had witnessed the massacre at Lumbridge's gates were finally screaming about invasion, but it would still take a few minutes before anyone listened to them.
The rangers opened fire, shooting repeatedly until a circle of dead noobs ringed the elitist group. Other noobs tried to flee, but the press of noobs all around prevented this and they were taken down one arrow at a time. That was good. Voldemort breathed in the open air around him, no longer filled with the stench of so many bustling bodies. In the midst of the havoc he forced himself to relax, take deep breaths, and concentrate entirely on the task at hand.
He stared at the window. There was someone moving about inside. It was Cheezit92, he knew, going about his morning ablutions. Everyone knew that Cheezit92 was somewhat paranoid nowadays and never left his room anymore. The figure came to the window, what looked like a bow in his hand, and it was at that moment Voldemort struck.
Summoning the magic, he released a searing ball of fire that raged through his body for a few seconds before ascending to Cheezit92's window. The figure in the room shot an arrow at it, realized that didn't work, tried to run and was hit in the lower back by the blazing inferno. Within a few seconds he was nothing more than ashes.
"That's what you wanted, Cheezit92," Voldemort thought "ashes", and then he and the archers were running back to the Lumbridge gate. No noob armies had yet gathered themselves and all 19 archers made it out alive with him in the lead. Quickly he sent a private message to Conan, the leader of the second group of elitists.
Voldemort:I cooked the turkey.
Conan:Got it. Nearly done.
Conan's group had been sent to murder the other major noob leaders inside the castle, and their part took a little longer. When they came back out they had taken one casualty.
Conan:Zesty Meadow took out Calpern(c)ia
Voldemort:Lol
Conan:Yea

27-May-2006 17:45:59

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