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Azure Sunday

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1 – An Encounter In Varrock

Varrock had seen its share of dreary days, but none quite like this one. The usually busy marketplace was quiet, a player crossing every now and then on some important errand. The only person who broke the silence was Cheezit92, a lvl 4 character and proud of it, shouting his wares to whoever was around to listen.
Cheezit92:Wvae:Selling 15 ashes!!
The ashes had been a gift from a friend, but since he had died fighting one of the Varrock guards Cheezit92 decided he needed the money.
A figure suddenly appeared in Varrock center, dressed all in black but for a bright red and black striped team cape. His name was Darkman and his combat was an astounding 115. Cheezit92 locked onto this new target.
Cheezit92:***kran!!
Cheezit92

arknam
Cheezit92:Selling 15 ashes!!!
Cheezit92:Wave4

lz pzl plz!!
But Darkman ignored Cheezit92's calls and stood silently by Varrock's fountain staring fixedly northeast. Cheezit92 soon grew tired of Darkman and instead chased Ph(c)izby3, a lvl 48 who, upon seeing Cheezit92, ran into the nearest general store and closed the door. Cheezit92, after trying unfruitfully to open the door gave up and went back to his position in Varrock center.
It was not long before a second dark figure emerged from the Varrock sewers. It was a female, Evilzoe, and she made her way to Darkman, giving him the secret signal (a clap and a spin) to show she was another member of the lvl 110+ guild.
Darkman

idn't think u would show
Evilzoe:Lag
Darkman

, you got it?
Evilzoe:Yes
Cheezit92:Evilzeo!!
Darkman:Kk, can I see?
Cheezit92:Zoe, selling 15 ashes!!
Evilzoe:Go away noob
But Cheezit92 was already moving towards Numanuma3, a lvl 82 who had just teleported into Varrock.
Darkman:??
Evilzoe:Kk
The trade screen was brought up, the items displayed.
Cheezit92:N(c)uma!!
Numanuma3:wat?!
Darkman:Wow, nice
Cheezit92:Wve2:Wave:Selling 15 ashes.
Evilzoe:I no
Numanuma3:I buy, how much ea
Cheezit92:20020

27-May-2006 17:29:08 - Last edited on 07-Jun-2006 05:25:34 by Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Darkman:U sure this is legal?
Cheezit92:I mean 20 ea
Evilzoe:Nope, u want them?
Numanuma3:k, trade
Darkman:Yes
Cheezit92:Scammer!
Darkman:I got the money in bank
Cheezit92:I gonna report u
Numanuma3:muhahahaha!
Evilzoe:K, i'll wait here
Cheezit:Give ashes back!
Okay...Wait a minute...I need to interject quickly.
Qazwsx3740:Hey, darkman and evilzoe
Darkman:?
Evilzoe:??
Qazwsx3740:What are you doing in my story?
Darkman:Ur story?
Qazwsx3740:Yea, this is not a story about you.
Darkman:Sry, we'll leave
Evilzoe:K, lol
Qazwsx3740:K, ty
Alright. Sorry about that. I didn't notice Darkman and Evilzoe slip in. It is Cheezit92, that courageous nooblet who lost his ashes you should have been paying attention to. After everyone left he swore that one day he would get revenge on Numanuma3 and not only get his precious ashes back but maybe also a bronze helm or whatever high lvl guys dropped when they died. Little did Numanuma3 know it, but he had started the bloody war that would go down in the history books as The Noob Rebellion.

27-May-2006 17:29:19

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

2 – The Rebellion Begins

"Can I have some Money?"
-Famous noob quote

Over the next few weeks, the high lvl players, who called themselves The Elitists, noticed a great increase in the noob activity.
The number of noobs daring enough to run up into the Wilderness, which was strictly elitist territory, rose dramatically. Although most were found by elitists and killed by a single arrow, some survived to tell the tale. Cheezit92 listened intently to their tales of the horrifying skeleton bowl - a huge area filled with bloodthirsty skeletons that was obviously a trap set by the elitists to kill any noobs wanting to venture that far up into the Wildy - and the giant mining area filled with mithril and addy ores that only noobs willing to brave the deadly scorpions in the mines beneath Falador had witnessed anywhere else.
One noob, Deathbones4 was the first to make it to lvl 46 wildy & back, bringing with him news of both the fence that barred people from going further into the Wildy and the rune ores, which, up until that point no noob had truly believed in. People talked in awe of him, spreading the tale that he had met 7 elitist archers by the rune ores, and, due to his 28 agility, had dodged all of their arrows. He had then run all the way back to Varrock since, with his lvl agility, his energy never ran out, twirling past the blades of elitist groups he met on his way down.
In reality, he had met an archer in the wildy: Numanuma3. But Numanuma3 had only been interested in mining rune ores and sent one well-guided arrow after him. He had tripped on a protruding root at the last second and therefore was able to escape.
Cheezit92 collected these tales and went through the tedious process of creating a map off of them never knowing that he could easily access the world map at the top of the page.
Some other noobs were made into legend during this period.

27-May-2006 17:29:29

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Glutus_Max, a lvl 14 noob, ran without clothes all the way up into the lvl 32 Wilderness and was able to make one lvl 62 guy die of a heart attack and another lvl 86 go blind before the elitists caught him. Instead of being put to death he was led to an island surrounded by lava deep in the Wildy and down a ladder in its center, never to be seen or heard of again.
Garfield35 was another of these legends. He ran up into the lvl 25 Wildy and straight into a group of elitists which was lead by Zezima himself. Although he was killed immediately with a vicious hit from a dragon longsword, legend has it he had been about to say "Zezim* is a **********" (I did not want to put the word ‘poopoohead' in the text for it might offend some readers).
Other strange occurences happened aswell. 2500000 mysterious notes were found by the rune ores with "DEATH 2 ALL HI LVL PPL" written upon them. A lvl 86 was taken down in the Wildy by 35 noob archers, who after killing him dropped his dragon armor after finding they couldn't wear it. A bonfire was seen east of falador with 20-30 noobs dancing around it, burning effigies of people in dragon, zammy and black dragonhide armor. Painted in huge letters in Varrock center the words 'THE NOOBS WILL RULE' were found, but the elitists suspected nothing.
All the while, noobs were constantly being recruited in Lumbridge as they appeared after completing Tutorial Island. Mass rallies with sometimes upwards of 1000 people were held upstairs in Lumbridge castle led by either people appointed by Cheezit92 or by the leader of the noobs himself. The noob army was growing and the elitists turned a blind eye to it.

27-May-2006 17:29:37

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

3 – A Gathering

"The meek shall inherit the earth"
-No idea who said that.

It was a week before the first major organized noob meeting took place. The noob army had increased by now to over 45,000 people, 20 of which were now gathered in White Knight's Castle around the heroic figure of Cheezit92, clad from top to bottom in pink and brown clothes, and standing atop an overturned wagon. Most noobs had not been able to find Falador. They would trickle in by 1's and 2's throughout the meeting totalling 74 supporters by the end plus Cheezit92.
Cheezit92 judged it was time to begin.
Cheezit92:Here ye, here ye!
Cheezit92:Everyone is here becuz we are going to fight the hi lvl ppl.
Cheezit92:Most important stuff first. We need a name.
Squad3:Good fighter guild
Zesty meadow:Armpit gang
Lil Zezima:I second zesty meadow's name
Cheezit92:No
Cheezit92:We need something cool like 'Lightning Squad'
Lil Zezima:The rebels
Cheezit92:Wow, that's good
Cheezit92:Kk, next we need leaders
Cheezit92:Lil Zezima, ur my 2nd in command
Lil Zezima:Sweet
Cheezit92:We need a war general
Zesty meadow:I killed a skeleton once
Lil Zezima:Wow
Craizepiggy:Nice
Lololol121:Cool
Cheezit92:What did it drop?
Zesty meadow:12 coins and bones
They spent a few minutes thinking about what they would do with those riches.
Cheezit92:Zesty, u r my general
Zesty Meadow:Cool
Cheezit92:I made map for u, u use it to plan attacks
Zesty Meadow:Kk
Texan85:Is anyone here from Texas?
Cheezit92:Now we should come up with war plan
Cool63:No
Cheezit92:No??
Zesty Meadow:?
Cool63:No, i'm not from Texas
Cheezit92

Texan85:Kk
Cheezit92:Any plans?
Zesty Meadow:Thieving lvls?
Cool63:1
Cheezit92:1
Texan85:2
Cool63:Nice
Richard rahl:16
Cheezit92:Wow
Zesty meadow:Richard rahl, we need u to steal from the elitists.
Richard rahl:Kk
Math nerd3:Actually, that is impossible
Cheezit92:Y?
Math nerd3

eople are unable to steal from other ppl

27-May-2006 17:29:56

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Math nerd3:U can only steal from computer-controlled characters
Cheezit92

Texan85:Cheezit92, u Texan?
Zesty Meadow:Let's get some bombs
Cool63:We should get some of those cool whip things
Richard rahl:Yes
Cheezit92:No
Cool63:Y not?
Texan85:Richard rahl, u r Texan?
Zesty Meadow:??
Cheezit92:No, I'm not from Texas
Cheezit92:I like bomb idea tho
Richard Rahl:NO
Cool63:What about whips?
Cheezit92:No??
Richard rahl:NO, i'm not from Texas
Richard rahl:I like bomb idea tho
Texan85:Cool63, Ur not from Texas?
Cool63:U say no to whips?
Cheezit92:No
Texan85:U are from Texas?
Cheezit92:No
Texan85:Kk
Math nerd3:Bomb idea wouldn't work
Math nerd3:With the materials we have at hand a bomb explosion would only have radius of 320 feet
Math nerd3:We would have a 15:36 chance of destroying a small base with it
Zesty Meadow

Texan85:Math nerd3, U form Texas?
Math Nerd3:Yes
(As it turned out math nerd3 was not from texas but just wanted to be Chee(c)zit92's advisor)
It sounds unlikely but by the end of their 4 hour meeting the noobs had actually drawn up an attack plan, and a pretty good one too. Their first target was to be the lava island into which Glutus_Max, the clothless noob, had been led into days ago...

27-May-2006 17:30:06

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

4 – Mr. Happy

It is Numanuma3,
As elitist as can be,
Who'll take the life
And end the strife
Of Zezima, You'll see.

- Zim's prophecy

Imagine...
The sun is just beginning its ascent in the eastern sky, throwing insubstantial rays of light on the blasted territory that is the Wildy.
Fiery lava, bubbling slowly around a forbidding island releases its noxious fumes into the stale air.
A lvl 98, head aching after a night of dwarven beer - foul yet inexpensive - stumbles up the ladder in the center of the island, and, blinded by the early sunlight, keeps on stumbling forward until he falls into the lava and is consumed in seconds.
A noob appears dressed all in brown to blend in with the charred trees that surround him. He turns around and gives the signal: A wave (all is clear). The first line of noobs make their appearance, filling the horizon with a blaze of light as the sun's rays are reflected magnificently from bronze and iron armor (they had had the luck to be in the company of Magmar36, a lvl 30 smither who provided them with bronze & iron armor for thier cause if they made the bars). A second line follows closely including Cheezit92, resplendent in steel armor (except for an iron plate) and surrounded by his personal bodyguards. Line after line emerge and soon there are 500 noobs advancing on the island, 200 melee weapons and 300 wood longbows at the ready, fingers nervously perusing the 100 or so iron arrows each person carries.
Cheezit92:Halt
One noob doesn't hear this, climbs down the ladder and is never seen again.
The other noobs stop, surrounding the ladder in the isles center and when a lvl 102 emerges from inside the island he is instantly mown down by 300 arrows. Everyone waits, and more noobs file onto the island. By the time the lvl 69, (c)Mr. Happy, comes out, 2800 noobs stand on the island. He nods, everything is ready within the isle, it is time for the first battle to begin.

27-May-2006 17:30:18

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

~~~~

All night long the party had been happening on the island that people called Zezima Island, and in the wee hours of the morning the excitement was finally dying down. Both beer mugs and unconscious elitists littered the ground. There was still a reckonable force gathered at the underground fight pit, however. This was an arena in which elitists watched noobs, brought in fresh from the Wildy, fight each other. While the winner of each battle went on to fight in another battle, the loser was fed to Grogg. Nobody knew exactly who Grogg was, but he live in a pit in one corner of the arena and let out an occasional belch. Nothing that entered his lair ever came back out again.
Darkenrahl33 was the current spectacle. After an hour-long epic struggle with a giant rat, he had had the misfortune to be attacked by a swarm of flies. Elitists watched avidly from the stands, betting on how soon Darkenrahl33 would die (he only had 4 health remaining).
Zezima was one of these watchers, but unlike other elitists he was ever alert and ready. Dressed in full gold armor, he sat back in a nicely padded seat. Unfortunately for the noob army, Zezima was a heavy strength potion addict, and this is the drink he sipped as it was decided that Darkenrahl33 was close enough to dead and was dragged and then throw, screaming, into Grogg's pit.
A few other elitists were still awake at this hour. The whip-weilding ones especially so since it was their duty to keep the noob slaves that Zezima had on his island in line.

27-May-2006 17:30:30

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Many noobs were assigned pointless jobs for the elitist's amusement, such as the ever-dancing noobs who were lined up on one side of the underground cavern, near the fighting pits and who suffered the slash of the whip whenever they stopped dancing. Others were forced to endlessly dig holes in another corner of the room into which trash from the endless elitist parties would be thrown, and then fill the holes back up again.
No elitists took notice, however, of Mr.Happy, a level 69 (a combat lvl between noob and elitist) who wandered around the main underground cavern, set up some bulky metal objects and then exited by the ladder in the middle of the cavern.

27-May-2006 17:31:48

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

5 – A Plague of Noobs

Upon them all their crimes will fall,
And break elitist backs,
To pound them down into the ground,
And stop them in their tracks
-Backcracker Prophecy

One of the first noobs to enter the island was Tompayne2 a noob that, due to his writing skills, had been selected to be the scribe. He would record all that happened and had already published a popular book of poetry entitled "My Happiness Was Big When I See Lumbridge".
After the battle he wrote his most quoted line about seeing the maltreated noobs in Zezima's Isle:
-"These noobs, once not noobs had been. They had been people. Now, being under hi lvl guys orders, they were dirty dirty slaves, I mean noobs…noob slaves"-
This would be reapeated again and again throughout the war and would be one of the top slogans up there with "Zezima sezima (Says i'm a) noob but I'm not."
The elitists who witnessed the first influx of noobs paid it no heed, thinking that other elitists were just bringing in a new group of noobs for the fight pits. Zesty Meadow, taking advantage of this bewilderment, ordered the noob archers, who had been the first to enter the cavern, to the southern wall, opposite the arch in the northern wall which led to the fight pits, leaving ten Kamikaze's (or so they had been named in the warplan) in the center of the cavern. These ten archers opened fire, all targeting the closest of the twenty or so elitist slave masters. Startled by ferocity from the noobs, the slave master took three volleys of ten iron arrows (12 damage)before realizing what was happening. A roar resounded amongst the elitists and they charged the kamikaze's, dragon weapons in hand.
Within twenty seconds the carnage was over, but that had been enough for Zesty Meadow to get 150 rangers lined up along the southern wall, with more constantly gathering.
Zesty Meadow

ark Abyss!!

27-May-2006 17:31:58

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