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Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

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Dark Abyss, one of the twenty elitists standing amongst the noob bodies hardly had time to react before 150 iron arrows hit him, completely depleting his 88 health.
Zesty Meadow:Super Killa!!
Super Killa looked up in time to see 170 arrows whistle from 170 wood long bows, tried to run and made it two steps before 150 shafts sprouted from his back.
The elitists broke, 13 charged at the line of archers, 6 ran north for shelter, 2 survived. Of the 13 advancing upon the noobs 11 were picked off individually before reaching the archer line, the remaining 2 killing 34 noobs with a dragon halberd and battle axe before they too fell to arrows. The 6 making for the safety of the fight pits encountered a solid wall of slave-noobs, who, making the best of the situtation, made a break for the ladder in the center of the cavern and freedom (5 slave-noobs survived the horrors of the wildy that lay beyond).
After finishing the elitists that had charged them, Zesty Meadow's archers turned their fire on the retreating elitists, killing 4 of them before Zesty Meadow gave the order to halt. Tyrionlanny and Genocide456, lvl 102 and 72 respectively, reached the northern archway and disappeared into the fight pit area.
I would like to say the noob archers had been accurate throughout this whole endeavor, but they weren't. 100 slave noobs were brought down by stray arrows, their bodies displayed after the battle to give proof of the atrocious torture techniques elitists had been using on noobs in Zezima Isle.
Fifty archers were ordered to dispose of the drunken elitists on the ground, 8 more were sent to man the metal objects set up at strategic points, discerned by Math nerd3, around the room. One was sent up the ladder to inform Cheezit92 of the outcome of the battle, and soon Cheezit92 himself entered the cavern followed by a regiment of 3600 melee noobs adding to the 560 archers that already lined the walls.

27-May-2006 17:32:08

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
6 – A Plague of Elitists

Upon a great oak tree he stands,
His body stiff as stone,
His eyes gaze out across the lands,
A monarch on his throne.

But from the ground a vine did sprout,
To spiral round the tree,
And though his eyes peered all about,
This vine he did not see.

It took the branches one by one,
It strangled every leaf,
It stole on up towards the sun,
And offered no relief

But by and by he did take note,
Although it was too late,
The vine wound up about his throat,
And with that sealed his fate.

There once a great oak tree did stand,
Now nothing's to be seen,
But vine wound round in tight-knit band,
Of every shade of green.

What were noobs thinking coming down here? If the numbers Genocide456 had given him were correct then this army could pose a problem. Not a very big one however, noobs had never won a battle, and even if...
What had Genocide said? Over a thousand? It would certainly be a challenge.
The other elitists were gathered in a group away from Zezima, giving him space to think. They chatted quietly amongst themselves, but all talk stopped as Zezima returned to the huddle. Sauron, a lvl 126 in barrows armor, broke the silence.
Sauron:Me kill em all!!!!
Sauron:Kill em all for u Zezima!
He swung his dragon mace fiercely, causing several elitists to jump out of its path.
Zezima:Quiet down, Sauron.
Zezima:I have a plan, how many we got here?
Rand Althor:78
Zezima:Great, 15 noobs apiece
Tyrionlanny:Genocide got another look into the outer cavern
Genocide456:Yea, there seem to be more now
Zezima:We can take them no matter the number
Sauron:We kill em all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zezima:Yes we will.
To the noobs' surprise, Zezima was the first to emerge from the fight pits, armor glinting dully in the light of the torches set in the walls. With him were 10 other elitists of varied combat levels brandishing granite mauls and other frightening weapons.

27-May-2006 17:33:29

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The noobs had arranged themselves so that a triple line of archers preceded their main melee body, and half the cave separated the first archers from the fight pit entrance. This was an arrangement Zesty Meadow had taken from a movie, the elitists would first have to break through the archers to start a battle with the rest of the noob army.
Zezima stopped at the mouth of the northern archway and opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment the noob lines erupted with shouted messages...
Darkarch :D own with elitists
Crazy2:Zezima sezima noob
Foufou3:Noob roole
Cheezit92:Avenge my ashes!
Texan85:Is anyone here from Texas?
Craize96:But i'm not
...and whatever Zezima said was drowned out.
Zesty Meadow:Attack!!
560 arrows were loosed at Zezima, a black mass shrieking through the empty space between noobs and elitists. The bulky metal objects set up around the cavern were finally revealed for what they were - dwarf cannons bought from contributions that over one hundred thousand noobs had pledged to Cheezit92's cause. Cannon balls slid from their muzzles and closed in on Zezima. And Zezima, seemingly cornered, dove straight into the oncoming arrows as the other elitists jumped out of their way.
How Zezima came out the other side unharmed was anyones guess. Undoubtedly Zezima's renowned skill as an expert contortionist, which came with high lvl agility coame into play. His 99 prayer had also been used, historians agreed after the war was over. There was no way without protection from ranged attacks that he could have broken through that wall of arrows unharmed. Nevertheless, when Zezima emerged from the other side there was no prayer icon above his head and many zealously believed that no prayer had been used.

27-May-2006 17:34:01

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Twice more volleys of arrows issued from noob bows and twice more Zezima bent his way through them before Zesty Meadow gave the order to concentrate on the other elitists instead, who had been charging at the noob archers since after the first volley. The order came too late, however. Before any could be brought down, the ten elitists had reached the front line, and the prayer retribution now flashed above their heads. As each was slain, at least eight nearby noobs were also taken down instantly. Zezima slammed into the center of the fron line, a pair of numbchucks appeared in his hands, and suddenly noobs were flying everywhere and pandemonium erupted.
Elitists jumped from the fight pit cavern, and flew into the battle maves and longswords crushing bones, archers quickly and efficiently sniping off noobs with rune arrows, and mages, led by genocide456, melting flesh.
Zezima was liquid - slipping between blades, matrixing cannonballs - arrows seemed to hit empty air where just a split second before his head had been, swords intended for his flesh missed and hit other noobs instead, and all the while his numbchucks buzzed through the air, snapping limbs, breaking open skulls, each hit intricate and precise.
Math nerd3, intending to help, only exacerbated the damage Zezima wreaked. Calculating the parabolic path of his arrow, he executed a perfect shot at Zezima's chest. The twirling numbchucks, however, got in the wat, and through the momentum of the arrow were wrenched from Zezima's grasp, disappearing into a nearby battle.
Quick as Zamorak, Zezima grabbed a staff that was whistling towards his neck, and, with a sharp twist, flung the staff's holder ten feet into another group of battling noobs. Seeing his new weapon noobs tried to run, but couldn't make it through the solid blockade of bodies around them. Zezima smiled, the staff sliced the air with a hum, and now noobs were really flying.

27-May-2006 17:34:11

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
If you have seen the Matrix Reloaded you could compare this battle to Neo fighting the Mr. Smith's in the courtyard. Zezima weilded the staff like an extension of his arm, and the noobs the staff touched as it whirled with lethal speed flew back from him in waves. After the battle some of these noobs would be found embedded up to four feet into the ceiling.
Sauron was doing more than his own share of noob-slaying. For four years he had been a faithful cohort of Zezima, and Zezima entrusted him completely mainly because Sauron did not have the brain capacity to lie. Throughout the first two years of his runescape life he had concentrated only on boosting his combat because he did not understand anything else. During those days he had become a master in all fighting styles (attack, defense, strength, etc.),
but one fateful day part of his brain had exploded while trying to decipher a puzzle box from a random event, and, if possible, dropped his IQ even further. Now only two things occupied his mind: Attack (He did not know how to switch styles anymore) and obey Zezima. His dragon mace came down again and sent another batch of noobs soaring. Many noobs ran from him, some tried to fight him, all of them died.
It was Isildur, son of Elendil who was able to stand up to the power of Sauron in this darkest of times. Under the shadow of Mt. Doom, while all about the elf and human races perished to the minions of the dark lord, the young human prince attracted Saurons gaze. Only by a stroke of luck did Isildur cut the ring from Saurons hand and take it for his own. Then Sauron was vanquished and his spirit fled and ummmm....wait a minute.
...O
...K
Let's replace Saurons hand with his head, the humans and elves with the noobs, and Isildur with a flying axe from some other battle...And there is no ring, nor was there ever a special ring. Anyway, you get the picture. Sauron died. In a way he didn't expect. OK. Moving on then...

27-May-2006 17:34:45

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
It was the dwarf cannons that saved the noobs in the end, those and Discollama2, a lvl 21 who was able, not without effort, to regroup the noob archers. One point that had been overlooked before the battle was that the people using the dwarf cannons had no idea how to use them. For them this whole battle was a learning experience, and it was not until around the point of Saurons downfall that they were able to use the cannons effectively. After all, eight cannons targeting an elitist could easily kill him off and although many cannon balls plowed through noobs instead of elitists, they judged it was worth it in the end. Twenty-five elitists were killed in this fashion before the noobs ran out of cannon balls.
Discollama2 and his troops were a force to be reckoned with. At this point 110 archers still survived, and 93 of these were gathered around Discollama2, who could weild a willow bow. These groups first bombarded the eilitist sniper-archers and then efficiently took care of the mages.
Cheezit92 himself, had been helping and giving support to small individual skirmishes throughout the battle.
This is what it came down to in the end: 15 remaining elitists led by Genocide456 encircled by the remainder of the noob army, numbering just below 700 and Zezima, still flipping past arrows, catching knives in his teeth and that sort of stuff. Zezima, seeing his group surrounded joined them once more, noob victory seemed imminent, and...
Cheezit92:Stop!
All action ceased. Cheezit92 strode forward, steel armor not as resplendent as before.
Cheezit92:Zezima, we we will give u this chance
Cheezit92:To surrender
Zezima:Are you the leader here?
Cheezit92:Yes...
Zezima:You have played this game well.
Zezima:Before we make our last stand
Zezima:However, I'll tell u a secret.
(This next part is by no means me trying to scam people, or teaching others scamming methods, I am merely recounting what happened)
Zezima:Runescape now blocks your pass.
Cheezit92:It does?

27-May-2006 17:35:01

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Zezima:Yea, *******, see?
Greg3:Redrum
3016742:Erikson
And so another 400 levels were lost that day, and no one could tell for certain if it was a victory for the noobs or elitists. Zezima and his remaining soldiers made a break for the ladder in the ensuing confusion and escaped into the deeper Wildy. Meanwhile the cavern was hacker heaven. Even Cheezit92 said his pass but everyone assumed his lvl had not been hacked since he came back the next day. One enemy was captured however, a lvl 69 lurking at the top of the ladder to Zezima's Island, and the island was the noobs' now. So, they decided, it was a small victory after all.

27-May-2006 17:35:49

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
7 – Interrogation

War waged goes on forever,
A horizon with no end,
Finish one pointless battle,
And another will begin.

Cheezit92's head buzzed. It had been buzzing for the last hour and he was getting worried. Such a large battle, so many dead, and still the last members had escaped! Furthermore, his advisor had perished. Math nerd3's body had been excavated just an hour ago from one of the walls of the cavern. Now Cheezit92 would have to find a new advisor, but he doubted anyone could replace Math nerd3. Maybe his own plans would have to suffice.
And his head buzzed.
He had said his pass back there. Was this buzz one of the symptoms of being hacked? Not to say this buzzing was the weirdest thing. Just a few seconds ago he could have sworn that his desk had turned into a miniature horse. Just to be sure, he checked the legs again. Wood. Was he becoming delusional?
He turned his eyes to the window that looked out from second story Lumbridge castle onto the castle grounds. There was a congregation of people out there, he couldn't quite make out the words they were saying. Did that one guy have a rune body on? He grabbed the bow he always had at hand and leveled an arrow. There was an elitist down there! And then the sun's light caught the armor and it shone silver, it was iron.
Lil Zezima:Ahem
Cheezit92 whirled around and Lil Zezima found himself confronted by a drawn arrow. He didn't flinch though and soon Cheezit92 lowered the arrow. Something was wrong with his brain.
Lil Zezima:I came to talk about the lvl 69 we captured.
Cheezit92:What about him?
Lil Zezima:He's innocent.
Cheezit92:Mr. Happy, innocent?
Cheezit92 :D on't let the name fool you.
Lil Zezima:He helped us remember?
Lil Zezima: At the start of the battle?
Cheezit92:He was interrogated an hour ago
Cheezit92:He admitted he was in the cavern at around the time of the battle!
Lil Zezima:He was helping us

27-May-2006 17:36:02

Azure Sunday

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Cheezit92:He's guilty. I already set him up for torture
Lil Zezima:Just listen
Cheezit92:Are you in cahoots with him?
Cheezit92:Get out of here or i'll have you tortured aswell and...
...and was that Zezima flying by the window? Cheezit92 grabbed his bow and dashed to the window scanning the sky, arrow once again drawn to cheek. Something flashed on the ground, and quickly Cheezit92 released the arrow at it. he turned away from the window confident of a job well done to find Lil Zezima had left. That was good.
Cheezit92 sat back in his chair. He wasn't going crazy, he was just killing the elitist spies trying to get inside information from him.
In the courtyard a group was gathering around the body of Putrid3, a lvl 3 who had just been shot down by an arrow from who knows where. They glanced around uneasily, anyone could be working for the elitists.

27-May-2006 17:36:28

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