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Azure Sunday

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None of the noobs responded. They were all too busy staring in shock at the body that lay limply in the shadow of the mage walls. The fire on Ratherdashng’s head flickered and then died.
N(c)umanuma3:We want to ‘negotiate’.
This produced more laughter from the row of heads atop the wall. But the laughter was suddenly cut off as a heart-wrenching howl came from Dondelur and the heavyset man burst into motion, lumbering out towards the fallen leader. A few seconds followed in which no one knew what to do and then several arrows whirred down from the mage arena walls towards Dondelur. A few connected with him, but he ran on heedless, and suddenly the noob army began lumbering forward behind him. The killing of their leader meant war, one could tell that by their cries. Their bodies washed forwards, a majestic movement to behold, but a very stupid movement tactically. Whatever the elitists might think, there would be no more negotiations.
Only the outcasts stayed behind, safely out of harms way. Baa Bleety stared despairingly at the mass of noobs moving towards the castle and wondered why she had ever allied with them.
The noobs converged on the castle, shouting incomprehensibly and running into a shower of arrows and mage attacks from the elitists above. It was only once they reached the mage arena*s wall that they noticed they had no idea of what they were doing. Some hacked at the wall with their weapons, others tried to climb it, a few even tried to build a tower out of noobs standing on each others shoulders. Nothing seemed to work. The arrows poured down and noobs died all around. Some began to turn and flee from the mage arena but most clung stalwartly to their tasks. A large section of rebels, in a flash of noob intelligence, had formed a group that pounded with bronze and iron warhammers at the mage arena wall. So far they had managed to crack it a bit. None of them even guessed that the wall was forty feet thick.

27-May-2006 22:25:53

Azure Sunday

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In the end, Baa Bleety, acting quickly, saved the majority of the noob army. She ordered her instrumental section to sound the horn call for a retreat. During their trip through the Wilderness she had made sure that everyone in both the noob and outcast army knew the horn signals. Most of the noobs responded to the call, turning back away from the arena. The hammerers left reluctantly, reassuring each other that they would come back to breaking through the wall next battle. The scalers continued trying to climb the wall. But most of the noobs had noticed the futility of attacking a wall and retreated eagerly. They chattered excitedly amongst each other as they made their way back out of the range of the elitist arrows. ‘That was fun,’ some exclaimed while others bragged about how far up the wall they had gotten. It was not until they joined forces with the outcasts again that they turned back to the mage arena and saw how many noobs had not made it back. A carpet of bodies lay at the foot of the arena walls.
The exultant shouts turned to ones of disbelief. Baa Bleety looked at the noob army and shook her head.
One fact that was never explained was the disappearance of both Ratherdashng’s body and Dondelur. Neither of them could be found after the skirmish and some noobs ascertained that Ratherdashng had risen once more in the middle of the battle and with a heavenly leap cleared the mage arena walls. Somewhere inside he was wreaking havoc amongst the elitist troops. This didn’t console the troops all that much, though. They were still stuck outside the mage arena, their army diminished by more than one thousand men and lacking a leader.
Far into the night Baa Bleety took care of the noobs and directed them to their positions. They were like children really, they needed someone to coordinate them all the time. Although some of the noobs brought up the subject, most of the noobs didn’* want to adopt Baa Bleety as their new leader.

27-May-2006 22:26:03

Azure Sunday

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Most believed that would ruin the noob cause once and for all. They set up their tents and held a large meeting under a full moon to decide their new leader. Hundreds of dark faces peered dejectedly up at a hastily erected podium as one candidate after another presented him or herself before the crowd. The leader was to be elected by a show of hands but so far none of the noobs had received more than three votes (and that was because one noob had three friends in the crowd.) Disgruntled murmurs slid across the audience as the last candidate, a noob named Pubert33, mounted the stage. He was immediately booed off because his name was so ugly. More disgruntlement came from the crowd as the noob priest whom Baa Bleety had put in charge of the elections mounted the stage again. He was the bald, muscular man named Fathermooney who had attempted to exorcise Mr. Happy’* ghost before his burning.
Fathermooney:Um, well…
Fathermooney:Thanks for your participation.
Fathermooney:Well, I guess there’s no leader then.
Fathermooney:Unless anyone else wants to come up here?
No one wanted to go up there.
Fathermooney:No?
Fathermooney:Well, I guess that’s it.
Fathermooney:Unless you want to elect me?
No one wanted to elect him.
Fathermooney:Haha…he…
Fathermooney:Um, I was just kidding.
Fathermooney:To finish off, then, let us bow our heads in prayer.
Many of the noobs decided this was a good thing to do. They prostrated themselves and listened as Fathermooney’ words leaked out into the night.
Fathermooney

ear Zammy, Guthax, and…
Fathermooney:And…um…the other one.
Fathermooney:Well we need a leader,
Fathermooney:And it would be really cool if you could send us one.
Fathermooney became quiet as though expecting some voice to answer from the heavens. Some of the noobs raised their heads and looked up at the hundreds of stars that drew their patterns across the sky.

27-May-2006 22:26:14

Azure Sunday

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Fathermooney also raised his head once to throw a brief glance at the heavens, then quickly lowered it again. He said angrily -
Fathermooney:Fine, don’t answer me.
Fathermooney:Amen.
And that was when Texan85 appeared.

27-May-2006 22:26:26

Azure Sunday

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71 – Beneath the Mage Arena

Elitists plot amongst themselves,
The noobs are leaderless,
Yet still each broken army delves,
Towards war’s dark abyss.

Base4. Base4. Isn’t living anymore. Base4. No more. Base4.
The walls hurt Mr. Happy’* eyes. Voices weren’t the only thing coming from them anymore, there were also shapes moving across the stone.
He had awoken in a small grey room without windows. The only exit seemed to be a small, grey door set in one small, grey wall and if he listened closely he could hear someone shuffling about outside it. He had not yet tried to open that door. All he had done so far was lie on what felt like a lumpy mattress beneath him. He was sure that if he turned over to look at it he would find that the mattress was small and grey.
The shapes looked like small people trapped in the walls. They roamed greyly over the walls, onto the ceiling. Whereever they went, the walls seemed to bend outwards and contort themselves. (c)Mr. Happy watched them, mesmerized by their movements, and tried to think up a plan to escape this room.
He was in the mage arena. (c)Mr. Happy could guess that much. He remembered Sethcat saying something about joining the elitists and Base4’s death and that had made Mr. Happy angry then something had hit him in the back of the head. The only logical conclusion was that Sethcat had taken Mr. Happy with him into the elitist stronghold. If Mr. Happy had been left in Xanadu, he’d no doubt be dead.
But why would Sethcat want to keep him alive? For torture? Something worse?
Whatever it was, (c)Mr. Happy was not going to wait to find out.
He turned his head to glance at the door through which the muffled sounds of movement and speech could be heard and went over what would happen –

Mr. Happy crept to the door and placed his ear against it, listening. There, on the other side, were the sounds of footsteps.

27-May-2006 22:26:55

Azure Sunday

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Their volume fluctuated, loud then quiet for maybe half a minute. Then loud again. Then quiet. Loud, quiet.
That meant a guard patrolled the corridor outside. When the footsteps rose in pitch, the guard neared the door, when they dropped he was moving off to one end of the corridor or the other. (c)Mr. Happy’* heart thumped loudly in his ears, this was his only chance.
Slipping one hand into a concealed pocket of the dirty red robes he still wore, he withdrew a fletching knife. Careful, he reminded himself. No sound must escape the room. The guard outside probably had orders to kill Mr. Happy if he attempted any kind of escape.
Slip the knife in between door and wall. Easily. Yes, like that. Slide it down. It caught on something. There, that was the locking mechanism. Now find the right pressure point. Click. The door opened inwards. There was no change in the tempo of the feet outside. Perfect.
(c)Mr. Happy held the door slightly ajar so that it wouldn’t slip closed and lock again. Footsteps came nearer. Then they were fading. It was time.
Silently the door swept inwards and Mr. Happy stole into the corridor. The guard was walking away from the door as Mr. Happy had guessed. He wore full Dharok’s, the weight of the great axe causing his gait to sway. Since he faced away from Mr. Happy, he did not yet notice that the prisoner was escaping.
The tricky part was coming up. (c)Mr. Happy tiptoed up behind him, his feet treading so softly they didn’t even disturb the dust on the floor. As he closed in, (c)Mr. Happy realized that the guard was whistling an unhappy tune to himself. The end of the corridor came up suddenly. The guard, still whistling forlornly, reached it and began turning around. (c)Mr. Happy jumped. It was timed perfectly.

27-May-2006 22:27:06

Azure Sunday

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The guard turned right as Mr. Happy’* leap brought him above the guard’s eyesight. Nothing but a hint of a breeze ever reached the guard as Mr. Happy flipped effortlessly over his head, turning his body to slip past the monstrous blade of the great axe. And then he had landed, soft as a feather, behind the guard. Obliviously, the sentinel kept on whistling forlornly as he trod the length of the corridor once more. (c)Mr. Happy whisked off down a side tunnel that split off from the end of the corridor.
He had entered a warren of stone, it seemed. Everywhere tunnels split off and he chose his path at random hoping that he was going the right direction. There had to be an exit somewhere…
And suddenly, upon rounding a corner, a shaft of light appeared before him, stabbing down from through an open trapdoor with a ladder extending down from it into the passageway. (c)Mr. Happy climbed up it and into a large chamber.
A dagger stabbed at him from behind, as soon as Mr. Happy had finished his climb, and he spun instinctively, one hand chopping down aimlessly, the other catching the arm holding the dagger. (c)Mr. Happy’* hand connected with the neck of a dark man and there was a snap before the attacker fell, lifeless to the ground. It was Sethcat. (c)Mr. Happy smiled before running towards a large door in one wall of the room. Before he reached it, however, it burst open and released an army of elitists that charged at him. He charged aswell and, right before they collided with him, jumped and soared over the group of men. It seemed he flew through the air for half a minute as more than a dozen heads past beneath him. Swords, axes, whips, and flails cut up at him but missed and he landed neatly in a forward roll on the other side of the crowd. The escape was going well.

27-May-2006 22:27:19

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Through the doors and out into a massive arena he ran. It was a huge circular affair with a moat of lava encircling it. A lone figure stood in the center of the stone circle, caught in a heavenly beam of light thrown by the sun, which blazed brightly in the sky. It was Base4.
They saw each other at the same time, stood expectantly for a heartbeat, and then ran towards each other, two pairs of feet pattering over stone. The crowd of elitists that had been trying to kill Mr. Happy only moments before exited the chamber behind him. But now there weapons were no longer drawn, and as Mr. Happy reached Base4 and they embraced, the elitist masses whistled and cheered. He looked into her green eyes and spun her around, and she laughed, and the crowd applauded and -

-and Mr. Happy awoke in his lumpy bed. He hadn’t even realized he had dozed off.
Opening his eyes he saw the shapes moving across the walls. There were more of them now. A sinking sensation slowly crept into his stomach. His escape had been going so well, and Base4 had been about to escape with him, and now to realize it had all been a dream…
Lying there he noticed something. There were no sounds coming from outside the door anymore. Finally rising from his bed he crept to the door and listened at its crack. Nothing. Now was his chance.
He reached into his disheveled red robes for the fletching knife he had found in Xanadu and had concealed so carefully. It wasn’t there. Exploring all of the other pockets and crevasses of his coat didn’t turn it up either. ****.
He’d have to pick the door with his bare hands. There was a handle on the inside but he saw no way of unlocking it. Grasping the handle he pulled it and the door slid inwards easily. Once it was slightly ajar he stopped it and peered through the small crack he had made. That was odd. Was the guard trying to lure him out so they could accuse him of escaping and kill him?

27-May-2006 22:27:31

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

But he could see nothing other than a sliver of dusty corridor beyond the door. Suspicious.
(c)Mr. Happy grasped the door edge and eased it inwards. Even though he tried to be as gentle with it as possible, the door still let off a large grating noise. Suddenly footsteps started up a short distance down the corridor and Mr. Happy knew he was caught. He prepared himself to kill the Dharoker.
But the man who appeared was not a Dharoker. It was a small weaselly man in red dragonhide armor named Leske.
Leske:Ah, you’re awake.
(c)Mr. Happy

on’t come one step nearer.
Leske:?
Mr. Happy:I’m armed.
Leske looked questioningly at Mr. Happy*s bare hands and Mr. Happy quickly stuck one of them into a coat pocket as though he had some sort of weapon in there.
Leske:What are you talking about?
Mr. Happy:I’m escaping and I’ll kill you if I have to.
Maybe he should do his flip over the guard now.
Leske:Lol, you’re free to go.
Leske:I just have orders that Sethcat wanted to talk to you should you wake.
(c)Mr. Happy:He wants to talk to me?
Torture me, more like, thought Mr. Happy.
Leske:Yes. He said something about Cheezit92.
(c)Mr. Happy suddenly remembered that he had been carrying Cheezit92 around Xanadu. Was it possible that Sethcat had brought Cheezit92 to the mage arena too?
Mr. Happy:Cheezit92?
Leske:Yes.
(c)Mr. Happy weighed his choices.
(c)Mr. Happy:Fine, bring me to him.

~~~~~~~

Sethcat met them in another portion of the maze of tunnels that lay beneath the mage arena. It was a rank section, strong odors that Mr. Happy couldn’t quite put his finger on hanging heavily in the air. Sethcat, as always, wore a full black suit. The man eyed Mr. Happy warily.
Sethcat:Nice to see you up, (c)Mr. Happy.
(c)Mr. Happy:You said something about Cheezit?
Sethcat:I believe I said ‘Nice to see you up, (c)Mr. Happy.
(c)Mr. Happy:I mean you wanted to say something to me about Cheezit?

27-May-2006 22:27:50

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Sethcat

h yes,
Sethcat

o you happen to remember what we agreed to about his torture?
(c)Mr. Happy:Uh…that I’m going to torture him?
Sethcat:Exactly,
Sethcat:And you must live up to your promise, (c)Mr. Happy.
Sethcat:Now I can show you around the ‘equipment’ we have here,
Sethcat:It’* all pretty shoddy stuff but it will work.
(c)Mr. Happy:I already have an idea about what I want to do to him first.
Sethcat:Really?
Mr. Happy:Yeah
Mr. Happy:But I need you to help me.
Sethcat pondered that a minute.
Sethcat:Sure, I’d love to,
Sethcat:Today*s one of the few in which I have little else to do.
Sethcat:So what are we planning?
And Mr. Happy told him.

~~~~~~~~

WARNING: THIS NEXT PART IS AGAIN FOR THOSE DISGUSTING PEOPLE WHO ENJOY READING ABOUT GRUESOME TORTURE. CHILDREN UNDER 12 YEARS OF AGE AND ANYONE ELSE WHO FEELS QUEASY ON THIS SUBJECT PLEASE SKIP TO THE LINE: OK IT'S FINE NOW. THANK YOU.

(c)Mr. Happy took Cheezit 92 out of the sack and placed him on the table. The orange powder covering him lay heavy in the cracks and lumps that covered his warped form. Slowly Mr. Happy applied pressure to what he assumed was the head and it broke beneath his touch, crunching inwards and crumbling apart. Carefully he gathered some of the resulting crumbs and stuck them in his mouth. They were so cheesy. Why Mr. Happy was referring to the Cheezit as a ‘he’ or why he had even counted out 92 Cheezit’s, (c)Mr. Happy didn’t know. But they were an extraordinary snack that the elitists had scavenged from the Xanadian cooking building and they tasted delicious.
He s(h)ucked the remaining powdered cheese off his fingers and threw away the now-empty sack before turning to look at Sethcat, who was dribbling a silver potion between Cheezit92’s lips. With a sudden fit of coughing, Cheezit92 awoke from his slumber to the sinister face of Sethcat floating before his eyes.

27-May-2006 22:28:06

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