This is a review for "The Pineapple Under the Sea" by Gamefreak318. The review is provided by )s(_Scoucher's Reviews_)s(.
"The Pineapple Under the Sea" was certainly one of the most interesting and attention catching stories I've read on these forums. Overall, you did a great job varying up the wording, sentence structure, and plot to keep the reader intrigued. Many stories here are written in a boring way that lose you after a little while, but I didn't suffer many attention lapses during my reading of your story. Your humor was great -- it was neither random nor stupid.
While it did keep me reading, there were several things you could have done better in the story. Sometimes, I felt at a loss for where the main character was -- there wasn't quite enough description. Certain things could have been slowed down, described better, and used to create more suspense. Also, you could have used descriptive wording more to set the mood and add to said suspense. You used this sort of wording sometimes, but not throughout the whole story -- it was all the crazy things that were happening that kept me interested.
Now for the meat of the review.
Grammar and Spelling 26/30
You did a great job here. You made a few mistakes, but they were probably merely overlooked. You have a good grasp for this area.
First off, you had some problems doing two things with numbers: starting sentences with them and not writing out the numbers ten and below. I personally think it looks nicer if you write out all numbers that aren't too long. If it's a number like twenty-two or something, it looks better written out, in my opinion.
Some of your mistakes were as follows:
"'8:12' it read."
"4:18, it read." Similar mistakes. I suggest flipping the sentences around. "The clock read 8:12."
02-Jan-2008 04:13:01
