Great stuff, Cigram, though I do feel the final stanza lets it down a little bit. Just seems weaker than the ones that came before.
Jeeze, seeing that poem I was about to be immensely impressed with your output, Snow
. That said, I can see why you like it so much -- the combination of alternating and internal rhyme makes for a very nice effect.
EDIT: Internet was down last night, so I spent some time tapping my muse. It was meant to be a sonnet, just because it seemed like a neat, self-contained form to try, but I got confused with the whole octet/sestet/couplet thing, and ended up with something of an extended Shakespearean sonnet, with 20 lines instead of 16. It's not great, but, well, it's something:
From ocean's depths we glistening arise
Awoken, roused from ancient slumber deep.
On crests of waves beneath the starless skies
We ride to shores our eyes had seen in sleep,
In dreams inherited from distant sires.
Upon the strand we silent, idle lie
Until we hear the songs of eldritch choirs
And, roused to ancient destiny, we fly.
The younger, weaker world, where now we toil
Remains yet ignorant of cosmic depth,
Of elder beings, not of native soil,
It dares but guess the universe' great breadth
Imagination falling short of truth.
Upon it dwell we, heritage unguessed,
Until it waking sees, to its great ruth
Its life we secret stole, to build a nest.
Our eggs then laid, we look up to home afar
And glimpse it winking in a distant star.
Jeeze, seeing that poem I was about to be immensely impressed with your output, Snow
. That said, I can see why you like it so much -- the combination of alternating and internal rhyme makes for a very nice effect.
EDIT: Internet was down last night, so I spent some time tapping my muse. It was meant to be a sonnet, just because it seemed like a neat, self-contained form to try, but I got confused with the whole octet/sestet/couplet thing, and ended up with something of an extended Shakespearean sonnet, with 20 lines instead of 16. It's not great, but, well, it's something:
From ocean's depths we glistening arise
Awoken, roused from ancient slumber deep.
On crests of waves beneath the starless skies
We ride to shores our eyes had seen in sleep,
In dreams inherited from distant sires.
Upon the strand we silent, idle lie
Until we hear the songs of eldritch choirs
And, roused to ancient destiny, we fly.
The younger, weaker world, where now we toil
Remains yet ignorant of cosmic depth,
Of elder beings, not of native soil,
It dares but guess the universe' great breadth
Imagination falling short of truth.
Upon it dwell we, heritage unguessed,
Until it waking sees, to its great ruth
Its life we secret stole, to build a nest.
Our eggs then laid, we look up to home afar
And glimpse it winking in a distant star.
31-Oct-2013 02:24:05 - Last edited on 31-Oct-2013 22:39:59 by Poller5
