forums.rs

Forums

The Battle for Quiellea

Quick find code: 49-50-38-62178758

of 50
Beep282

Beep282

Posts: 904 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Just then Jeniva returned and called Bondaria out into the open part of the Nephilum camp. Bondaria followed, and asked her why Boris and Skeecher were so nervous. Jeniva turned to her.
“I’m sorry I did*’t tell you sooner like I did them, but I needed to get to know you better.”
“What? What did*’t you tell me?” Bondaria asked, suddenly tensed. Whatever was happened it couldn’t be good.
Jeniva gestured for Bondaria to walk with her.
“You train and serve out of loyalty to the Nephilum, while your friends serve out of fear, and strategy. Yes, that’s right we guessed that Boris planned to escape.” She said, when Bondaria tried to interject.
*So what’s your point?”
“My point is that I did*’t want to make you choose between loyalty to her friends and loyalty to the coven, so I waited until now.*
Bondaria’s heart beat faster. She had to choose between her friends and the coven?
Jeniva continued, “Today instead of training you will be deciding who stays with the Nephilum, and who….doesn’t”
She lead her to a area of the woods, and gave her a magic staff.
Jeniva continued to explain,
"You will be lead to the far end of the forest first one back to the camp gets to live, and serve the Nephilum."
As Bondaria was lead farther into the woods, and her mind raced. Only one of them would make it out of this, and she intended it to be her.

03-Aug-2011 05:47:14

Enheduanna
Sep Member 2023

Enheduanna

Posts: 16,566 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Solid adds.

One day I'm going to step off my pontificating throne and share some of the short story advice I've been given (and writing advice in general). Including all the (quite useful) stuff I learned when Archie Fusillo came to my school and gave a few lectures on short stories.

I hope you don't mind me saying this but that while you're a good writer with clever ideas (and you can carry a plot well), I can see a few little things that could lift you up quite a bit (specifically showing, not telling, sentence structure and following on from the first part, descriptive language).

P.S if you don't already, write all your stories in word or equivalent. Much easier to proofread etc.

04-Aug-2011 12:53:09

Beep282

Beep282

Posts: 904 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
thank you! *bows* lol and thanks for the tips, I have begun writing in word as of....well since my add on TNG and yea does it help or does it help. I'll try to improve on the other things that you mentioned.

Ps: tell me when you post your new story, looking forward to it :)

04-Aug-2011 19:29:19 - Last edited on 04-Aug-2011 19:32:49 by Beep282

Quick find code: 49-50-38-62178758 Back to Top