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CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

Posts: 35,595 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Suddenly, a huge explosion launched several men flying into the sky and several hundred yards away. Anthoni turned his head and saw a fiery creature rising from the shadows in the ground; its body was as black as soot, and its eyes were but two holes of eternal flame.

Maxwell broke free of his thoughts and drew his sword, only to be pushed aside by Anthoni, who shouted, “Men! Do not fight this beast of Hell! Quickly, now, spread out and make haste!”

As Anthoni spoke, Maxwell saw the creature spout forth a large column of flame from its mouth before smashing away one of the carts with a foul strike. It stood far over ten feet in height, and its massive size could be measured to that of three horses, much larger than either Anthoni or Maxwell or any other man.

Screams pierced the air as men were set ablaze by the dreaded monstrosity, and Anthoni grimaced as he saw his men perish, one-by-one. Anthoni then looked on at Maxwell, who stared in awe at what was occurring. Grabbing his shoulder, Anthoni said, “Get up on my horse. Hurry now.*

Maxwell immediately agreed and jumped atop the loyal steed. Anthoni followed, but then looked back and shouted, “All men, hurry forth to the town of Veskile! It is but a few days away, and we shall embark on this mission there, with a refreshing of our supplies and our abilities! Please… do not question this. Just run!” Anthoni’s words seemed to be head by the men as they jumped onto their horses; some were burned away by the monster, but many fled. Anthoni, knowing what must be done, turned and said, “We must go.” The horse took off up the hill, to its zenith, and then disappeared over the other side.

-- End of Chapter Two --

31-Dec-2008 01:44:00 - Last edited on 31-Dec-2008 05:02:44 by CaptChekaka

[#WIK7YQF0Z]

[#WIK7YQF0Z]

Posts: 2,189 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hmmm. Two mistakes so far.

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Page 1, post 7:

“Sire, that's a good two day's journey! Shouldn’t we send a party?”

Relocate the apostrophe in “day’s” so it’s after the ‘s’ to show plural possession.

Page 2, post 1:

The man’s eyes lifted open slowly, revealing two pupils colored a dark brown.

I think you meant irises instead of pupils; irises differ in color, while pupils are black 99.9% of the time.

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Oh, and, by the way, nice adds Capt ^_^

31-Dec-2008 03:09:42

[#WIK7YQF0Z]

[#WIK7YQF0Z]

Posts: 2,189 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hehe. I might as well get a head-start on one of my New Year Resolutions: reasing (and keeping up with) others' stories other than just adding and reviewing.

Ohz, and welcome.

EDIT:

Soz, do I get an arrow? <3

31-Dec-2008 03:19:06 - Last edited on 31-Dec-2008 03:19:23 by [#WIK7YQF0Z]

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