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CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

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The man’s eyes lifted open slowly, revealing two irises colored a dark brown. One of them, though, was glazed over, and it was obvious that he was partially blind. His brown hair was soaked with his own blood, and it soon dripped over his eyes, causing him to close them, while the red liquid began to ooze from his mouth, as well.
“Hm. I see," Anthoni muttered.
Maxwell looked confused and asked, “What is it?”
“This man,” Anthoni started, “was sent by Rezod to kill me. Luckily we got him before he got me. He’s obviously talented, because, as we all know, Rezod does not settle for second best. I think our men may have done a bit too much damage to him; he seems unable to respond, not that he would if he wasn’t incapacitated.”
Maxwell looked intently at the man on the ground and sighed. He glanced up at Anthoni, who nodded, and then went on to pick the man up onto his shoulder. “Should I put him in with the others?” he asked.
Anthoni shook his head and replied, “Set him atop my horse. I think that he, of course, is but a mercenary and has no issue with me as a man, or a soldier. If he wishes to continue his mission, then we shall let him; he and I will duel. However, if he wishes to cast aside such a task, then it will be us he will come to.”
Maxwell quietly placed him onto the large, well-built steed and then watched Anthoni reach down and grab his amulet again, mumbling a few prayers before he reached out and grasped Maxwell’s shoulder, saying, “My friend, the time will soon come for us to do battle, and I hope you are ready. You are a strong man, a strong person, and a loyal subject. But think not of our relationship in the tides of war, for not everyone is who they seem to be.”

30-Dec-2008 02:13:10 - Last edited on 31-Dec-2008 03:19:00 by CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

Posts: 35,595 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Maxwell nodded and Anthoni looked onto his men, who had packed away most of the belongings. Looking at each other, the leader and supporter became what the entire resistance needed to be: a unit, one in the same. If they are able to accomplish this, then, by all means, there will be no king.
-- End of Chapter One --

30-Dec-2008 02:13:32

The Level

The Level

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Not a bad addition to Chek Productions.
Aside from the various mistakes pointed out, now fixed, it's fine.
The plot seems a little cliche though; a tyrannical king bent on destroying all rebellion, nah nah nah. I think you can fix the cliche with a few good twists though.

30-Dec-2008 03:46:47 - Last edited on 30-Dec-2008 03:50:38 by The Level

CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

Posts: 35,595 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
It's going to be cliche just because I need something easy. I'm going to try and make it fun, but the cliches might hold on. :( I mean, I enjoyed writing that portion and can anticipate where I'm going with this.
Cheers to the future and 2009! *Cheers*
And thanks for pointing out the mistakes. ^_^
-- Chek

30-Dec-2008 03:48:42

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