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The Last Dragon: Santhari

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Fireheart449

Fireheart449

Posts: 1,028 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
O_o The boundary has reawoken? Reawakened? Whichever...It was an intriguing chapter that moves forward the plot. Very nice.
Here are a few minor, easily fixed mistakes:
I think you meant 'their families' rather than 'there family's' in this paragraph: "After a short pause she continued,'Over time more and more people came to learn and brought there family's...'"

Part of Niona's speech at the very end: "Of course this made us lose more and more people and now we have almost now people to protect the borders." That second "now" should be a "no" I think.

Last sentence: "It has reawakened."
Yep, that's it, I think. There are a lot of words that sound alike, but certain spellings have different meanings. Watch out for those.

29-Jan-2011 07:04:07 - Last edited on 29-Jan-2011 07:05:24 by Fireheart449

AE Lambi

AE Lambi

Posts: 2,892 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
yeah those are the mistakes I think, but other than that the story is really really good. I still don't know what Mark is doing, the training? I'm guessing he's being trained to fight-off those monsters but he doesn't want to hence the scared look on his face on that chapter, I think...

29-Jan-2011 07:53:21

Beep282

Beep282

Posts: 904 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
monster name:swoogarth
description: A leader of the monsters, tall dark demon looking character with massive bat wings. He has a massive battleaxe that is the size of his own body and can breathe fire

ill let you do the rest :)

30-Jan-2011 04:12:55 - Last edited on 30-Jan-2011 04:14:01 by Beep282

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31-Jan-2011 18:20:09

AE Lambi

AE Lambi

Posts: 2,892 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Monster Name: Gueling
Gender: unknown
Description: Gueling is a monster made completely out of green goo and this means it has no bones, blood or anything. They take form of a golem but it's also a little wobbly and you can see right through it. since it's made out of goo objects can go through it's body but not easily, a bit like gelatin.
Weapons: It's incredibly strong with it's fists and sometimes even traps his prey inside his body by squeezing him in.
Extra: It can turn into liquid goo and slide across the floor, it can also split itself into two ONLY other smaller versions of gueling. It can also spit out goo that's a bit sticky.

01-Feb-2011 15:10:22 - Last edited on 01-Feb-2011 15:11:07 by AE Lambi

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