what the point of this al
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14-Feb-2011 19:10:59
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The Last Dragon: Santhari
Quick find code: 49-50-292-62189500
You are doing a great job!!!!!!!!!!! lovin this story
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:D
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s at spammers*
:D
:D
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s at spammers*
14-Feb-2011 20:02:11
At the end of chapter 13, you may want to put dashes or something to indicate that there's a shift in scenes. It goes from what Matthew is doing to what Arabus is doing all of a sudden without warning.
Here's the end of Ch. 13 modified:
"Mathew's team were to go into the boundary to find a farm that had been recently engulfed to get the inhabitants out. Santhari flew into the air to watch for monsters, since she couldn't fit in between the trees. Mathew, Mark, Cassiel and Sifo Dias began to run through the forest in the direction they had been instructed the farm would be, and then they came upon a gueling.
---
It had been a long journey for Arabus; [semi-colon here] it had taken much longer then planned since he had to avoid towns. He had been attacked by multiple humans and had to run and gotten lost multiple times. Now after two years he topped a hill and saw it. The Tower of the Wizards."
You've already established your characters and your setting. Now you may want to go into your central plot (the main conflict/mission/quest). The story can't just be about fighting monsters, can it? Still, I like the chapters you have up so far.
Here's the end of Ch. 13 modified:
"Mathew's team were to go into the boundary to find a farm that had been recently engulfed to get the inhabitants out. Santhari flew into the air to watch for monsters, since she couldn't fit in between the trees. Mathew, Mark, Cassiel and Sifo Dias began to run through the forest in the direction they had been instructed the farm would be, and then they came upon a gueling.
---
It had been a long journey for Arabus; [semi-colon here] it had taken much longer then planned since he had to avoid towns. He had been attacked by multiple humans and had to run and gotten lost multiple times. Now after two years he topped a hill and saw it. The Tower of the Wizards."
You've already established your characters and your setting. Now you may want to go into your central plot (the main conflict/mission/quest). The story can't just be about fighting monsters, can it? Still, I like the chapters you have up so far.
15-Feb-2011 01:29:03
Been staying like 1 hour thinking up of this guy!
name: Ruskfor Mantell (but nobody knows it, they all know
him by the name The Enigma)
age: unknown
gender: male
species: He is human overall...
description: Ruskfor is a very tall and muscly person which makes you think twice before even trying to mess with him. He has long dark blue hair that's a bit unusual and also has red piercing eyes.
He has scars that look a little like cravings that run along one of his checks, his chest and one of his arms.
He wears long dark denim robes that's really hard.
weapons: He always holds in his hands twin daggers that are carved by the end and decorated with a blue gem that's a bit spiky on the side, when you see it it gives you an impression, as if he's saying "step aside or else, I have important things to do".
inventory: He keeps with him multiple potions that are medicine for he is ill and if he doesn't take a dose in a month he will start to slowly suffocate.
extra: He used to serve as a professional fighter in bentarin and grew quite a reputation but quit long ago after his best friend Elena died. After this occurring he became lost and didn't know what to do anymore, at first he went on a rampage and killed 3 people then realized what he had done and ran away to live in the dark in the boundary...
NOTE : He is not evil, he was only a little mad after Elena died but overall he is trustworthy and brave but lost and confused in life..
Elena's bio is at page 11
Hopefully if I am accepted, I think Elena should come back as a spirit (as seen in her bio) while the story progresses.
ALL up to you
name: Ruskfor Mantell (but nobody knows it, they all know
him by the name The Enigma)
age: unknown
gender: male
species: He is human overall...
description: Ruskfor is a very tall and muscly person which makes you think twice before even trying to mess with him. He has long dark blue hair that's a bit unusual and also has red piercing eyes.
He has scars that look a little like cravings that run along one of his checks, his chest and one of his arms.
He wears long dark denim robes that's really hard.
weapons: He always holds in his hands twin daggers that are carved by the end and decorated with a blue gem that's a bit spiky on the side, when you see it it gives you an impression, as if he's saying "step aside or else, I have important things to do".
inventory: He keeps with him multiple potions that are medicine for he is ill and if he doesn't take a dose in a month he will start to slowly suffocate.
extra: He used to serve as a professional fighter in bentarin and grew quite a reputation but quit long ago after his best friend Elena died. After this occurring he became lost and didn't know what to do anymore, at first he went on a rampage and killed 3 people then realized what he had done and ran away to live in the dark in the boundary...
NOTE : He is not evil, he was only a little mad after Elena died but overall he is trustworthy and brave but lost and confused in life..
Elena's bio is at page 11
Hopefully if I am accepted, I think Elena should come back as a spirit (as seen in her bio) while the story progresses.
ALL up to you
15-Feb-2011 13:46:53 - Last edited on 15-Feb-2011 13:47:42 by AE Lambi
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