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Azigarath

Azigarath

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Your stories are always a treat to read Sweet Potato. I liked your recent one, mostly because I am a chess fanatic and I have been playing it since childhood. The allegory (I think there was one) is executed nicely, though I'll admit that this time I'm a bit stumped upon the meaning. I think it had something to do with time and war, but that's just me. You are very good at imagery and allegory btw.

Hm, I was surprised that you didn't get a high rank in the last Story Contest. Personally, I found that your story outshone many of the stories that got a higher rank than you, but we have to respect the judges' decision nonetheless.

Oh, and roosters do crow. In fact, male chickens crowing was around since before the crow bird itself (it's original name was corvus). It's funny, because when I read "rooster" back then a female chicken popped in my head XD The formal word for a male chicken is censored though.

(What happens when English isn't your first language.)

Well, I didn't find anything wrong with Board-Clock-Souls. There is no need to critique a story when there's nothing wrong with it besides that annoying censor, and I think once or twice there was a little issue about wording but who cares.

Oh, and do you plan to type a full-length story sometime down the road? It'd be a big step, an adventure of imagination essentially, and doing so would be a big leap for any author, but then again not many people are posting much lately below the stickies.

06-Jun-2012 03:40:07 - Last edited on 06-Jun-2012 03:41:49 by Azigarath

Yam42

Yam42

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That is very kind of you to say, Azi!

And the first line of your post made me laugh out loud. It takes quite a bit to make me do that, so congratulations on that.

Thanks again for your compliment about the allegories. The particular Board-Clock-Soul story is actually just a story about the cosmic battle between God and Satan, although I can see how time and war could be interpreted as part of it. That's why reading stories is so great: because they can be interpreted many ways.

In this case, "Joe" = "Jehovah" = "God"; "Luc" = "Lucifer" = "the Devil/Satan"; "Jesse" = "Jesus." The advocates are those who serve the side of good, and the rooks represent the people of Israel (as this story is set during the life of Christ, which passes in only moments in the room with the sofas).

I've always loved chess, too. Been playing since I was three. :D

Oooh, a full-length story seems rather daunting. I'd love to do one, but it seems like I can't get a story to last longer than two or three pages. When I write longer stories, my character development tends to suffer, my plots can become needlessly complicated or ridiculously shallow, and continuity becomes a problem. We do improve with practice, though, so maybe I should write one. That could me my summer project!

Anyway, thanks again for your kind words and the time you take to read my stories!

06-Jun-2012 17:27:41

Yam42

Yam42

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That's nice to hear you say, Cyun! I really appreciate it. Thanks of stopping by!

Incidentally, if you happen to see this again, I want to tell you that I enjoyed your application to the Novelists' Guild. (I didn't want to post this on the thread because my opinions may "taint" those of the reviewer, and I want the review to be honest). I particularly love how you manage to describe "green" in so many different ways in the first paragraph. Nicely done!

07-Jun-2012 18:41:51

Cyun

Cyun

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Really Yam? I am quite relieved! I really have got no idea how they will take it, as I'm a novice in that sort of thing. About the "greens", I'll admit my trusty thesaurus had to come out in such of a setting as a wood, where almost all things are green!

07-Jun-2012 20:11:02

Yam42

Yam42

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I know the feeling of having too much of one color, for sure! The thought process runs something like, "The blue carpet ringed the room. The heavy, dark blue curtains were drawn closed over the window. And her deep . . . blue . . . what? Really? *Sigh* Eyes . . . shimmered in the glowing firelight. You know what? This is getting really tedious! Now would be a good time for a break."

Good luck with the guild, though. I was thinking today that they are a bit hard on the entrants, but then I realized that one must be really good to be of novelist rank. You'll be fine. Frankly, I think your works are excellent, but don't be disappointed if you get "Writer." I'm absolutely positive you're Novelist material.

07-Jun-2012 20:49:29

Yam42

Yam42

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Ha, it's good that you keep your goals simple. Sometimes I set mine a little lofty, which is why I never finish so many projects. Sometimes my philosophy is, "It MUST be perfect the first time, or it's no good!" Thank goodness I'm not like that all the time.

Ah, incidentally, I'd hate to seem selfish, but I was wondering today: Were the symbolism and metaphors in "A Passing" clear enough when you read it?

08-Jun-2012 01:36:48

Cyun

Cyun

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I'll go through of the symbolism and metaphors that I picked up. To start with the sunlight seems to play a great role throughout the piece. At the beginning it seems to highlight and improve the surroundings in it's pleasant glow. It also shares it's attributes to the Lady, in her bright appearance as well as her sense of welcoming warmth and comfort. Later on, when the youth is tired from his day, the sun is seen as strong and unpleasant.

The Lady herself though, when she was described as "Tennyson's Lady" struck me. Perhaps you were referencing to the poet Tennyson, and his poem "The Lady of Shalott"? I got out my poetry book and scanned the poem. It seems there is a great emphasis on the sunlight in the poem too, as well as similar plot. The Lady of Shalott is envious of the newly-weds and is not courted by a knight, until he eventually comes at the end, and then she dies.

Perhaps I've followed a wrong tangent, but that is what I have got from the piece.

08-Jun-2012 10:35:56

Yam42

Yam42

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Ah. Well, you have the allusion correct, but perhaps that was too much of a proverbial "curve-ball." The reference to "Tennyson's Lady" is indeed to "The Lady of Shalott"; however, I simply meant that her dress was very white (like the Lady of Shalott), and I was kind of giving a "tip-of-the-hat" to Tennyson, a writer I admire. Oops. Ha, oh well.

The entire story traces the path of John Felix's life, but condenses it into a day. The passing of time/vitality is also characterized in the changing of the seasons as the story progresses.

The lady is the personification of Hope, a comforting entity we often meet while young (depicted both by the youth of Felix and by the freshness of the spring season).

The fatigued professor is the personification of Opportunity, whom we often meet in the middle of out lives; however, even if we take it at the first chance, we often fail to notice how quickly it passes (characterized by the rapid passage of time during the lecture). The professor/Opportunity is fatigued because he is so often rejected, which is what the line "You're one of the first who accepts the first time," means.

The men chained together are the brothers of Nostalgia. The one who doesn't speak is the happiness that can come from reminiscence. The vocal, emaciated one is the sadness that comes, and his prominence was meant to personify the bittersweet nature of nostalgia.

The passing of seasons personifies the aging of Felix from youth to early mid-life, early mid-life to late mid-life, and late mid-life to elder age: spring at morning, summer at graduation/the lecture, autumn at the lecture's end, and winter upon the walk home/falling asleep.

You were right about the sun thing, which I initially didn't recognize. That came together rather nicely.

Perhaps I tried to fit *too* much symbolism into a small piece...

09-Jun-2012 02:43:50

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