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Zmaster07

Zmaster07

Posts: 416 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
‘Andy.’

“Yeah?”

‘I've got an-err-‘

“A what?”

‘Never mind it’s unimportant’

“Spit it out dude.”

‘Fine. It’s just this-this feeling. Like something’s going to go wrong with this mission.’

“Would you like to hang behind? “

‘No, I just- I think we should be careful.’

“It’ll be ok. I’ll be here to protect you.”

‘I guess that helps.’

“Really? “

‘No.*

*Thought so.”

‘Ugh, your hand is sweaty. Let go.’

“I wasn’t trying to hold your hand anyway.”

‘No wonder you haven’t got a girlfriend. You’re hopelessly awkward.’

“That’s not what your best friend said.”

‘What? What did Jane say?’

“She said she liked me, and after the mission we were going to go out.”

‘She said what?*

*Kidding. I’m sorry. Just got mad for a sec. “

‘Oh, phew. ‘

“You really thought Jane would ditch you? Great relationship you have.”

‘I just wouldn’t put it past her. You can trust no one in this kind of a world.’

“You can trust me, Andy. And I can trust you. “

‘You’re right Josh. As always.’

“There’s no one else I’d rather have my back.”

‘Same back to you.’

“So we just go?”

‘I guess.’

“Is your heart also going to stop?”

‘Ha-ha. Just think of the monsters in their trousers.’

“Monsters don’t have trousers.”

‘Says who?’

“Says every mythology that includes monsters.”

‘OK, how about… loincloths?’

“You’re hilarious dude.”

‘Do you want to be the one to count their tentacles?’

“Tentacles?”

‘Just kidding.’

“Oh, phew.”

‘They probably have razor-sharp talons.’

“Thanks a lot, now I gotta go.”

‘Not on me. ‘

“Where, then?”

02-Feb-2013 23:58:51 - Last edited on 03-Feb-2013 02:04:27 by Zmaster07

Zmaster07

Zmaster07

Posts: 416 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
‘In the bushes.’

“Don’t look.”

‘Wouldn’t dream of it, bro. Oh, not in the wind! C’mon dude.’

“Sorry. You’re the smart one.”

‘I’m just the one with a decent hygiene.’

“As if. You pick your nose so much I’m sure that your finger must be developing

mucus tissue.”

‘I love you too….’

“’The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.’ Socrates, by the way.”

‘How’d you learn that?’

“You have your hobbies, and I have mine.”

‘Wait a minute- did you just call me stupid?’

“No, no. Not at all. Just not modest.”

‘Oh. Hey!’

“Hey is for horses not people. “

‘What are you, five?’

“Fifteen. So are you. Doesn’t mean I have no sense of humor.”

‘Five year old’s sense of humor, more like.’

“Ready?”

‘Have been for the past ten minutes.’

“Remember, you go left I go right.”

‘You’re the one who needs to remember.’

“Done insulting me?”

‘Yep.’

“Wish me good luck.”

‘Sure, you’re going to need it.’

“Thanks.”

‘Stop procrastinating.’

“I’m not. Just thinking my shoe laces are very intricately designed.”

‘That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.’

“Your mom’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

‘What the heck does that mean?’

“I dunno, just something I saw on the flat.”

‘Remind me to steal your TV when we get back.’

“What?”

‘Nothing. You’ve got the orb?’

“Yeah. You got the imagination? OH WAIT.”

‘You are just cracking me up.’

“My pleasure.”

‘How longer do you think we can keep this up?’

“How about until now?"

One… Two… Go!’

02-Feb-2013 23:59:48 - Last edited on 03-Feb-2013 02:05:21 by Zmaster07

Xereva

Xereva

Posts: 7,589 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You realize that I did review your piece first, yes? If you go back a few pages you'll find that I reviewed it before Chuk's, as I said I was going to do.

Also, you posted less than a thousand characters in two posts. The assignment states two full posts, in other words a conversation of 4000 characters in length.

03-Feb-2013 00:00:49 - Last edited on 03-Feb-2013 00:03:05 by Xereva

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"I know it's a tall order to include that much in two posts, but I have confidence that you can do it."

No, the tall order is getting two posts of nothing but dialogue. This is going to be the death of me. -.- I'll give it a go all the same.

Also, I would argue that 'um' and 'uh' bother have their place. I don't see what makes them less valid than the 'Nn.' in your example dialogue. It seems like you just have to use them sparingly and with specific intent.

Also, did you coincidentally have a character named Aleth before I posted last week's assignment, or did you like the name? :O

03-Feb-2013 07:45:18

Xereva

Xereva

Posts: 7,589 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You're right, they do have their place. But they're increasingly becoming overused as bits of 'flavoring' for dialogue, things that are meant to make exchanges between characters more natural. It's getting harder to use it well. Sparingly and with specific intent is the key, as you said.

But it also seems to me a rather inartistic way of showing a character's hesitation or confusion. They could stutter, or bite their lip, or put their hand up to their mouth, or wring their hands. There is such a wide variety of body language and more inarticulate sounds that people never use because they go straight to 'um' and 'uh,' and it annoys me. 'Nn,' for example, is the kind of visceral sound I make whenever I've been woken and am resisting / protesting getting out of bed*****?' a sound I make when I'm half-awake and not yet sure what's going on.

And I actually had dreamed up the name of Aleth months ago, for one of the article-writers in my Senior Thesis. If you look on my blog you'll see the December 27th entry has his name, and I think I first came up with it in October.

03-Feb-2013 17:52:24

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"But it also seems to me a rather inartistic way of showing a character's hesitation or confusion. They could stutter, or bite their lip, or put their hand up to their mouth, or wring their hands."

This is how I prefer to do it, certainly. But that's not an option for this assignment, as I understand it haha.

That's quite the coincidence on names, though I find it amusing that your Aleth is a guy and mine was a woman.

03-Feb-2013 19:28:37

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