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Wigwam/Seph’s bio’s last name, Bowditch, I read incorrectly
The combat intents of the bios are a bit off.
“The innocent blood is washed away by the falling rain.”
Blood is thicker than water, so it’d just make bloody water.
“Several white stone rocks rise from the ground and are hurled Joshua's way. Joshua swings his sword at the rocks and breaks them into bits.”
He’d have to swing the sword pretty fast to break apart several stones. I guess Abaddon couldn’t do better than magically throwing rocks even though he can kill people with special powers at will. It seems he needs to be alive for Abaddon to find the elixir.
Nyx appears before Sarah and scares her.
Joshua says, “And you took the job as an Assassin Hunter?” in regards to Sarah not wanting to harm people despite being an Assassin Hunter. This line stands out to some extent, I suppose it should put at least one thing I liked within dialogue. So far, I find Nyx to be my preferred character. Gotta be positive once in a while, but I would tell her to grow up.
Sarah loses friends and family as potential allies.
“Dark blue fur covered his body, and his eyes glowed yellow. After about sixteen seconds of transforming, his metamorphosis was complete.”
A blue werewolf? What is this blasphemy. Well, during those sixteen seconds, couldn’t Joshua take advantage?
“He charged at Joshua and slashed his deadly right claw at him.”
In this regard, the werewolf’s arms could be lopped off with upward slashes.
“Lakos was right in-front of Joshua when a radiant light blanketed him, blinding the werewolf's sensitive eyes.”
Well, I suppose Joshua could have grabbed a handful of sand and throw it into the werewolf’s face. Not that he’d do it, but hey, if werewolves were real, I’d consider it.
Is the beginning of chapter 10 a reference to the previous post about a thrown spear? If so, that’s awesome.
The combat intents of the bios are a bit off.
“The innocent blood is washed away by the falling rain.”
Blood is thicker than water, so it’d just make bloody water.
“Several white stone rocks rise from the ground and are hurled Joshua's way. Joshua swings his sword at the rocks and breaks them into bits.”
He’d have to swing the sword pretty fast to break apart several stones. I guess Abaddon couldn’t do better than magically throwing rocks even though he can kill people with special powers at will. It seems he needs to be alive for Abaddon to find the elixir.
Nyx appears before Sarah and scares her.
Joshua says, “And you took the job as an Assassin Hunter?” in regards to Sarah not wanting to harm people despite being an Assassin Hunter. This line stands out to some extent, I suppose it should put at least one thing I liked within dialogue. So far, I find Nyx to be my preferred character. Gotta be positive once in a while, but I would tell her to grow up.
Sarah loses friends and family as potential allies.
“Dark blue fur covered his body, and his eyes glowed yellow. After about sixteen seconds of transforming, his metamorphosis was complete.”
A blue werewolf? What is this blasphemy. Well, during those sixteen seconds, couldn’t Joshua take advantage?
“He charged at Joshua and slashed his deadly right claw at him.”
In this regard, the werewolf’s arms could be lopped off with upward slashes.
“Lakos was right in-front of Joshua when a radiant light blanketed him, blinding the werewolf's sensitive eyes.”
Well, I suppose Joshua could have grabbed a handful of sand and throw it into the werewolf’s face. Not that he’d do it, but hey, if werewolves were real, I’d consider it.
Is the beginning of chapter 10 a reference to the previous post about a thrown spear? If so, that’s awesome.
13-Aug-2013 11:51:59
I hate to have to read that. =/ I do hope you get better sometime soon. Your workplace sounds quite harsh, which reminds me a lot of my brother's. I loathe Summer and all things warm! I really cannot wait for Autumn and Winter. Though recently, Summer hasn't been too bad where I live. We've been getting cold front after cold front, but I still can't wait for colder weather. But anyway!
"Hunh, but I felt so sure I read a chapter title like that somewhere else, maybe in another story of yours, or maybe it just seems to me."
Maybe it might be true. xD I am after all quite terrible at reading. I might pass something that is entirely wrong in all sense of the word.
"Ah, I’ve been there before many times. Save that, as a perfectionist, I simply cannot stand idle and I often change things. But then I start thinking to myself if I just want to hide my flaws, but then I try to say to myself it’s just being productive!"
To some respect, I understand that.
I do correct things, mostly plot issues and stuff like that. But I don't know. As much as I try to, I simply cannot change my past work. It's just too... precious I guess is what I'm looking for. As you can tell, I'm pretty terrible at letting go. xD
It's all right, dood. xD Sometimes, you just can't help it.
Oh, yeah. You see that a lot nowadays. Especially in most RPGs (both JRPGs and WRPGs.) But moreover, a certain video game series that it absolutely seems like that's what it's going for. It is a fighter called SoulCalibur. Now, I've seen games with scarcely-clothed women... then you see the character Ivy from SC and you can't say she's not there for that exact reason.
But yeah, that's how it goes now. Everything is jumping on the gender-appeal boat -- even television commercials. Some just do it a little bit more than others, especially in video games. And what's more sad is that it's actually working!
"Hunh, but I felt so sure I read a chapter title like that somewhere else, maybe in another story of yours, or maybe it just seems to me."
Maybe it might be true. xD I am after all quite terrible at reading. I might pass something that is entirely wrong in all sense of the word.
"Ah, I’ve been there before many times. Save that, as a perfectionist, I simply cannot stand idle and I often change things. But then I start thinking to myself if I just want to hide my flaws, but then I try to say to myself it’s just being productive!"
To some respect, I understand that.
I do correct things, mostly plot issues and stuff like that. But I don't know. As much as I try to, I simply cannot change my past work. It's just too... precious I guess is what I'm looking for. As you can tell, I'm pretty terrible at letting go. xD
It's all right, dood. xD Sometimes, you just can't help it.
Oh, yeah. You see that a lot nowadays. Especially in most RPGs (both JRPGs and WRPGs.) But moreover, a certain video game series that it absolutely seems like that's what it's going for. It is a fighter called SoulCalibur. Now, I've seen games with scarcely-clothed women... then you see the character Ivy from SC and you can't say she's not there for that exact reason.
But yeah, that's how it goes now. Everything is jumping on the gender-appeal boat -- even television commercials. Some just do it a little bit more than others, especially in video games. And what's more sad is that it's actually working!
The end
is only
the beginning...
14-Aug-2013 14:41:50 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2013 16:09:47 by Serene End
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