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~` Seers Village `~
Savior: That is the last time I mock ladybugs for sure...
Joe: Yeah! You got your proud self beat up!
Stupid Mage: By Ladybugs!
Savior: At least I didn't run from the ladybugs!
Iceburg: But you did...
Savior: That’s not the point!
Joe: Yes it is...
Savior: Maybe! But that’s not what we are discussing!
Joe:
Stupid Mage: Hey look! A Village!
Savior: Is it purple?
Joe: No! Why?
Savior: I like purple...
Iceburg: Okay...
Savior: What? Why?
Stupid Mage: Argh, what a moron.
(They walk to the village)
Random Person: Hello!
Savior: No!
Random Person: I was only saying, “Hi”!
(Random Person runs away crying)
Joe: Good job, Savior!
Savior: I feel-a all-a sad-a now-a...
Chef: You stole my line!
Savior: Gah! Rehab escapee!
Chef: Shush! Keep it down! I don't want to-
Mod 8: Ugh... My first time here and I find this homicidal chef running around torturing morons.
Chef: No!
Mod 8: Come on now...
Chef: Never!
(Runs off, slowly because of extreme weight)
Mod 8: Shoot. Now I have to move...
(Walks off in Chef's direction)
Stupid Mage: Anyway, want to see my new and improved bunny spell?
Joe: No.
Stupid Mage: Likopi Buniiosis!
(Two bunnies appear)
Savior: Bunnies!
Iceburg: Why the hell did you do this?
Savior: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Joe: Hard to believe he can talk that fast...
(Savior runs over and hugs the bunnies)
Savior: I love bunnies!
(The bunnies suffocate and are transported to Lumbridge)
Savior: No!
Stupid Mage: Why did you kill my bunnies?
Savior: I didn't mean too!
Joe: Let's just get out of this stupid village...
Iceburg: You said it.
Savior: Bunnies!
(Meanwhile, in Lumbridge)
Bunny 1: Aww.
Bunny 2: I got the guy's wallet! Lets go!
Bunny 1: Yay!

06-Jul-2008 20:25:07 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:26:32 by CaptChekaka

~` Ranging Guild `~
Savior: Anyone got some cash?
Joe: What happened to your money?
Savior: I think I lost it.
Stupid Mage: Heh.
Iceburg: How did you...
(suddenly Mod 3 appears)
Mod 3: Savior, you have just purchased a carrot patch worth one million gold. This is a loan. Thank you.
(Mod 3 leaves)
Savior:
Joe: XD
Stupid Mage: Wow... I guess you got pick pocketed.
Savior: You think?
Iceburg: Hey look up ahead!
Joe: It's the Ranging Guild!
Savior: My money!
Joe: Get over it. Anyway, want to go there guys?
Stupid Mage: Sure.
Iceburg: Why not?
Savior: Aha! I know who robbed me!
Joe: Who?
Savior: That realtor, listen to this tape recording that is completely true!
~~ Tape ~~
Savior: (Singing)
Realtor: Hey I'm going to steal your money!
Savior: No!
Realtor: Mwuhahahaha!
~~ End ~~
Savior: Undeniable proof!
Joe: Savior, you just spoke that entire thing holding up a cardboard slide show while a midget spoke in that weird 'realtor' voice beside you.
Iceburg: So that's not really proof...
Savior: (Shoves the midget down a well) What are you talking about?
Midget: Curse you! (Vanishes into blackness)
Stupid Mage:
(They walk up to the wall of the ranging guild)
Savior: Hello?
Ranger 1: Hi.
Savior: Let us in!
Ranger 2: Not by the hair on our chinny chin-chin!
Joe: Great… Idiots.
Savior: I know how to handle these psychopaths! I speak their language.
Iceburg and Stupid Mage: That you do.
Savior: We want in! Now!
Ranger 3: Ready yourselves rangers!
Joe: ...
Ranger 3: Aim!
Iceburg: Not good.
(Iceburg, Stupid Mage, and Joe slip away)
Savior: Bring it!
Ranger 3: Fire!
(After five minutes of arrow firing, Savior finds the others)
Savior: Hahahaha, they didn't hit once!
Joe: Turn around.
(Savior turns around to reveal five arrows jutting from his back)
Savior: Except there!
(Savior passes out)

06-Jul-2008 20:31:59 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:26:19 by CaptChekaka

~` East Ardougne `~
Joe: There you go. Now you’ve got bandages.
Savior: Ouch. Thank - ow - you.
Iceburg: So Savior, have you learned your lesson?
Savior: What lesson?
Stupid Mage:
Iceburg: The lesson about being polite.
Savior: That's a stupid lesson! I want one about the time vortex!
Joe: Erm... No?
Savior: Dang.
Stupid Mage: Maybe you will get one about not creating a machine that can destroy time and space as we know it.
(They stare at him)
Stupid Mage: What? That's bad, right?
Joe: Anyway, let's go to that town up ahead. What is it called, Iceburg?
Iceburg: Let's see. (Checks map) That's Ardougne.
Savior: A R in the dough?
Stupid Mage: What?
Savior: Is that what its called?
Joe: No, Savior, Ardougne.
Savior: Oh, Ardoukneowpoo.
Iceburg: What?
(Suddenly the chef appears once again)
Chef: They tried to lock me up but I got away! Haha -
(A crash is heard)
(Savior had hit him with a frying pan)
Joe: Where did you get a frying pan?
Savior: Nowhere...
Iceburg: Anyway, to Ardougne?
Joe and Stupid Mage: Yes!
Savior: No!
(They stare at him)
Savior: I just wanted to be different...
Joe: ...
(They walk to Ardougne)
Guard 1: No one is allowed in East Ardougne!
Joe: Is it just me or are guards not letting us in anywhere?
Guard 2: I be right - hic - there mother.
Guard 1: Erm, excuse my friend.
Guard 2: Yeah - hic - excuse this!
(Smashes Guard 1 in the face with his mace, crushing it)
Guard 1: Argh!
(Guard 1 dies from, erm, face crushing)
Savior: No, Ardougne.
Guard 2: -hic- (Passes out)
Joe: I'm starting to hate this place...
Random Strong Guy: Good! Then you wont mind if I teleport you guys using magic that is used by reciting incomprehensible words from a dusty old book written by a liger!
Joe: A liger?
Savior: Okay!
Joe: How did a liger -
Random Strong Guy: Sinemo Polimno!
(Random Strong Guy teleports them)

06-Jul-2008 20:32:00 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:26:50 by CaptChekaka

~` West Ardougne `~
Savior: Gah! Where did we land?
Joe: I think we are in West Ardougne, right Iceburg?
Iceburg: Yes, I believe so, Joe.
Mourner 1: Gah! Thou art one of the infected souls! Cursed by the Gods! Interpreted as evil! And thought to have been raised by psychotic donut roles of death!
Savior: Wait, we're the psychotic ones?
Joe: I think he is talking about the plague of West Ardougne.
Mourner 2: None of thou shalt leave without first going through the trials of Ti-ok!
Iceburg: First, we'll leave if we want too. Second, what are the 'Trials of Ti-ok'?
Mourner 1: They are a secret!
Iceburg: But then how are we supposed to complete them?
Mourner 2: We tell you what to do and you do it!
Iceburg: But then it isn't a secret anymore.
Mourner 3: Just kill them. >.<
Savior: Try it!
Mourner 2: Whatever. Alijo!
(Savior is teleported away)
Joe: Savior!
Iceburg: Where did you send him?
Mourner 1: Try and find him! Mwuhahahaha! Join with me my brethren! Mwuhahahaha!
Mourners: Mwuhahahaha!
(The Mourners leave)
Joe: How did we wind up here again?
(Meanwhile with Savior)
Savior: Ow... That hurt.
Mourner 5: You must perish!
???: No!
(The mysterious man kills the mourner by decapitating him)
Savior: Thanks, but who are you?
???: You know who I am.
Savior: Umm...
???: I am -
Savior: Spiderman?
???: What? No, I'm the guard from earlier.
Savior: Well, that -
Iceburg: Argh! Stopping trying to turn his mind!
Guard 1: Gah!
(Iceburg stabs the guard, killing him)
Iceburg: There, I saved you.
Savior:
Iceburg: What?
Savior: That guard saved my life.
Iceburg: Oh. My bad.
Joe: Hey! We found you!
Savior: Yay?
Stupid Mage: I learned a new spell that should help!
Joe: What! No way!
Stupid Mage: Here it goes... I hope I can remember it...
Iceburg: Great...
Stupid Mage: Alibaba Nomido!
(They are teleported away by Stupid Mage's spell)

06-Jul-2008 20:32:01 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:27:01 by CaptChekaka

~` Monastery `~
Savior: Ahh! Help me!
Joe: Savior...
Savior: Don't let the flying monkeys catch me! And I don't like those scary midget people!
Joe: Savior! Open your eyes!
Savior: What?
Iceburg: We're not falling anymore.
Savior: I know that.
Stupid Mage: Then why are you screaming?
Savior: Because I had a bad dream. There was a tornado, a run down shack of a home, an ugly green lady, an army of midgets who sing a lot, a road that would blind you, a black dog who was abnormally ferocious, a talking scarecrow, a metal man who lived on oil, a talking lion who was a wuss, a magic green head, a bald man, and a balloon!
Joe: Anyway, where are we?
Iceburg: I believe we are just south of Ardougne.
Joe: Well, everyone in Ardougne hates us and we need supplies.
Iceburg: We could try the monastery to the south, Joe.
Savior: Let's do it! Go team! (Jumps into the air with fist raised like an idiot)
Joe: Okay then.
(They walk a few hundred yards to the monastery)
Savior: I can't go on!
Joe:
Iceburg: That makes no sense! You can walk hundreds of miles without complaining. Then, after a few hundred yards, you're dying?
Savior: Yep.
Joe: >.<
Stupid Mage: Hey look!
Monk: Hello.
Savior: Why are you wearing a skirt?
Monk: This is a robe.
Savior: Skirt!
Monk: Robe...
Savior: Skirt!
Monk: I have two words for you!
Savior: And they are?
Monk: Shut-up!
Savior: Well, here are two for you!
Monk: Oh yeah?
Savior: Cross-dresser!
Joe: Okay people, let's not fight.
Monk: I will smite thee!
Savior: Argh!
(Savior and the Monk wrestle for a minute and then fall to the ground from exhaustion)
Monk: Argh...
Savior: Take - this - and that - gah!
Monk: (Gasping) We are a friendly people. We don't exercise.
Stupid Mage: Anyway, can we have some supplies?
Monk: Sure, why didn't you ask?
(Hands them a bag)
Joe: Is this a dead rat?
Monk: (Angry Voice) Leave!

06-Jul-2008 20:32:02 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:27:25 by CaptChekaka

~` Fight Arena `~
Savior: Gah! I'm freakin' starving!
Joe:
Iceburg: You just ate, like, a pound of lobster.
Random Singing Guy: Oiy! Did someone say 'lobster'?
Iceburg: Yes, why?
Random Singing Guy: Time for a song!
Joe: No! (Smashes Random Singing Guy's head in with a tree branch)
Stupid Mage: Anyway, I can help the hunger problem!
Savior: Awesome. Food!
Stupid Mage: Alibaba Buniiosis!
(Two bunnies appears)
Stupid Mage: Now all you have to do is catch them and skin them!
Joe: Wow. You just fixed one problem and caused a huge issue.
Iceburg: Yeah, now Savior's going to have to choose - Life or Bunnies.
Savior: Gah! I must have food without killing an animal!
Stupid Mage: But I did the spell already...
(Suddenly Chef appears again)
Chef: See? You should've learned how to cook!
Savior: Why are here? What about rehab?
Chef: They tried to make me take my meds! But never!
Savior: You didn't want to take your meds?
Chef: Of course not! (Cynical laughter)
(Mod 3 appears)
Mod 3: Gah! Why won't you take your meds?
Chef: You'll never take me alive!
(Chef jumps into the nearby river)
Mod 3: Oh, come on!
(Mod 3 jumps into the river)
Joe: So, now where are we going?
Iceburg: There's a nice little village up ahead.
Stupid Mage: You mean the Fight Arena? The place where people enter only to come out as bleeding corpses of pain and misery?
Savior: Sounds fun!
(Savior runs into the distance)
Joe: Gah! Not again...
(They hear an announcer from a distance)
Announcer: Now we present our next challenger! Savior!
Savior: Awesome! (A moment passes) Hey, look at the cute little puppy! (Another moment passes) Ahh! Ow!
Announcer: Savior has been defeated!
Joe: ...
Iceburg: I'll bring him back.
Stupid Mage: You do that.
Iceburg: Saliente Nojer!
(Savior appears in front of them, battered and bruised)
Savior: Gah! Psycho puppy... (Passes out)
Joe: >.<

06-Jul-2008 20:32:03 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:27:40 by CaptChekaka

~` Tree Gnome Village `~
Joe: So, a *puppy* physically destroyed you?
Savior: This wasn't any ordinary puppy!
Iceburg: It was a *puppy*!
Savior: No, man! This puppy was, like, on fire, man!
Joe: Don't act like a hippy!
Savior: Who's acting?
Stupid Mage: (Sighs) Can we get back to hunting down Mystery and Striker?
Iceburg: Oh. My. God.
Stupid Mage: What?
Joe: Did he...?
Iceburg: I think he did...
Stupid Mage: What did I do?
Iceburg: Nevermind. Anyway, let's keep going!
Stupid Mage: What did I...? >.<
Savior: (Muttering) I'd sing a song here but no! Stupid editors...
Joe: What was that?
Savior: Nothing.
(After walking for a few moments, they arrive at a huge wall of, erm, bushes)
Savior: It's so beautiful! (He starts to hug the bush)
Joe: Oh, will you knock it off!
Savior: (Sniff)
(They hear some noises from behind the bush)
Voice 1: So, we'll fire our giant fireball of doom into their base, causing mass destruction, eventually killing them all?
Voice 2: But what about our giant turtles of death?
Voice 4: There is no time for that now!
Voice 3: But -
Voice 4: We must only release our wolves.
Voice 1: But we have giant turtles and fireballs of death...
Voice 2: So, couldn't we obliterate them?
(Savior gets too close to the bush and falls through, revealing four gnomes)
Gnome 1: Err... (Looks at the others with a questionable face)
Savior: Midgets?
Gnome 2: We are... erm... gnomes! And you have found the way through our maze!
Savior: Oh! What do I win?
Gnome 4: Five million gold!
Savior: But, I want your hat.
Gnome 3: You mean that worthless little hat that we have thousands of back at the Stronghold?
Savior: Yes.
Gnome 2: Okay!
(They give Savior a hat)
Savior: Awesome! (Runs around like an idiot holding onto the hat)
Joe:
Stupid Mage: Just be glad he didn't sing a song...

06-Jul-2008 20:32:09 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:27:52 by CaptChekaka

~` Zamorak Summoned `~
Striker: (Sees Savior running around with the hat) What the...? How did you find us?
Joe: Haha! Now give us back the Santa!
Mystery: It's too late!
Iceburg: What do you mean it's too late?
Striker: Mwuhahahaha!
Mystery: Zamorak will be summoned!
Savior: Huh?
Stupid Mage: We will stop you!
Iceburg: Erm... Yeah. Go team and stuff, I guess.
Mystery: Holiopo!
(Stupid Mage and Iceburg were turned to stone)
Joe: >.< Crep.
(A mage appears)
Mage 1: Loliko!
(Joe is knocked back into the gnome)
Joe: Gah! Pain! It hurts!
Savior: Who can stop you?
???: I will!
Striker: Huh? Who the hell is this?
Savior: It's Spiderman!
Spiderman: Hahahaha! That's right! Haha - Oof!
(Striker punches Spiderman in the stomach)
Spiderman: My one weakness! Ugh! (Dies)
Savior: No! Spiderman! What about Mary Jane?
Mage 2: Holiopo!
(Miraculously, Savior is able to dodge the assault)
Mage 3: Heliopo!
Savior: I want my Santa!
(Savior's feet suddenly become stuck to the floor)
Savior: >.<
Striker: Aha! Now you are stuck!
Mystery: Now, witness the summoning of the Goddess...
Striker: (Coughs)
Mystery: Err... God Zamorak!
Mages: Zamok! Holiko! Piet! Tiok!
Mystery: Defiardo!
(Smoke begins to rise from the ground as a figure arises)
Savior: >.<
Joe: Oh, shoot.
Striker: Yes! Finally my dream of summoning Zamorak is realized! (Holds up big foam finger with 'Number 1' written on it)
Mystery: Zamorak!
Zamorak: Who dares summon me?
Striker: I do, great Zamorak!
Mystery: Holiopo!
Striker: Gah! Traitor!
(Striker is turned to stone)
Mystery: I wish for you to assist me!
Zamorak: (Checks portable calendar) If we can be done before seven, sure. I mean, I have to enslave humanity, destroy churches, drown kittens, and then there's the gardening...
Mystery: Erm, thanks?
Savior: You'll never get away with this!
Mystery: Just watch me!

06-Jul-2008 20:32:10 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:28:05 by CaptChekaka

~` Varoki Returns `~
Zamorak: Okay, let's hurry up with this. I have to get a massage at five and be ready by seven. What do you want?
Mystery: Oh, evil, satanic, ugly, ferocious, animal-like...
Zamorak: Just get on with it. >.<
Mystery: Of course! Lord Zamorak, will you bring my master Varoki back to me?
Zamorak: Sure, why not? I mean, it's not like you can't use my endless supply of Godly powers to destroy your enemies or something.
Mystery: Thank you! (Bows)
Zamorak: Erm... I need your mages to chant with me.
Mystery: Of course! (Turns) Hey, you slackers! Get over here and help me destroy the world!
Zamorak: Speak with me, magicians of the Gods! Chant the sacred words of Ti-ok!
Mages: Neip-ti! Domosh! Nolyi! Tomok! Sancti!
Zamorak: Zamok!
(A large column of smoke appears, with a figure standing in the middle)
Mystery: Now, Savior. Witness your doom unfold!
(Silence)
Mystery: (Coughs) Witness your doom!
(Silence continues)
Mystery: What the...? (Turns)
Zamorak: Whatever, deal with your lowly and pathetic issues by yourself, pathetic mortal.
(As he vanishes, Savior is revealed to have dozed off and just wakes up as Mystery slaps him)
Savior: Ouch!
Mystery: I make this big, dramatic sequence of events, and you fall asleep!
Savior: Sorry, you're just so boring.
Mystery: Anyway, witness your doom!
(Varoki is standing a few feet back)
Mystery: Great, now the entrance is terrible!
Varoki: Still a failure, I see.
Mystery: No, you see...
(He is interrupted by a gnome running by him on fire)
Savior: (Swipes the Santa while everyone is watching the gnome) What was that?
Mystery: I believe that was a gnome.
Varoki: Great! You bring me all the way back to a place where gnomes can just run around on fire whenever they feel like it? We're leaving!
Mystery: But - We can beat them...
Varoki: Hey! Don't talk back to me! Let's go.
(They vanish in a puff of smoke)

06-Jul-2008 20:32:11 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:28:17 by CaptChekaka

~` Gnomes `~
Iceburg: Ugh... What happened?
Savior: Well, here is the tale in the shortened version: Bad guys came, stole the Santa, we walked for hours on end to find them, I found them, they attacked, you guys got all hard and stuff, we fought, Joe got owned, I froze, some guy who had obvious balding issues came, Mystery called him "Zam-of-crack" or something, he made a wish on a shooting star, the other balding guy came back, they argued, I stole the Santa back, and then they left for some unknown reason.
Iceburg: Okay?
Savior: Yep!
(Gnome 1 walks up)
Gnome 1: Hello, friends.
Stupid Mage: Gah! A mutant!
(Stupid Mage grabs a nearby shovel and beats the poor gnome senseless)
Gnome 2: Why did you hit my brother?
Stupid Mage: Ah! Another one!
Gnome 2: My good sir, I assure you...
(Stupid Mage swings and the shovel smashes the poor gnomes face in)
Joe: Stop with your insane need to kill gnomes!
Gnome 3: Thank you, my good sir.
Joe: No problem. Say, do you know how to get back to Lumbridge?
(Gnome 1 sits up)
Gnome 1: I do say, that hurt quite a bit.
Stupid Mage: It's still alive! (Hits the gnome over the head with a shovel)
Iceburg: Can you stop?
Stupid Mage: Sorry, old habit.
Joe: You've beaten gnomes with a shovel before?
Stupid Mage: Maybe... (Glances around suspiciously)
Joe: Anyway, do you know of a way?
Gnome 3: We could always -
(Another crash is heard and Gnome 1 is sent flying)
Joe: Stop with the shovel!
Stupid Mage: Fine!
Gnome 3: Anyway, we could shoot you in a catapult!
Iceburg: Isn't that dangerous?
Gnome 3: Eh, do we really care?
Savior: Touché. To the catapult!
(Later)
Savior: Okay! Into the catapult!
(As Savior jumps, his hat flies off)
Savior: No! My gnome hat!
Gnome 3: Oh, my.
Savior: Can I have yours?
Gnome 3: Hmm... No, sorry. You're flying.
Savior: I'm not flying yet! I’m st...
(The sound of a catapult is heard)

06-Jul-2008 20:32:12 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:28:30 by CaptChekaka