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~` A Noob's Creation `~
Narrator: Here we are again, enjoying the peaceful area that is Tutorial Island. It is a great land, filled with the newer adventurers, each attempting to make a name for themselves in the near future. Yet, there is always one who finds a way to destroy everything, and completely mess up the world. This is the story of the person.
('Noob' appears in a house.)
Guide: Welcome to Runescape!
Noob: Erm... Okay?
Guide: How do you like the world so far?
Noob: My first impression of this place is that it's homicidal...
Guide: Mhmm.
(An adventurer appears next to Noob.)
Nooblet: Ah! What a trip! With the choosing and the dressing and the... (Sees Noob)
Noob:
Nooblet: Why do I feel as though something bad is going to happen?
Guide: Because I'm not really the Guide.
Noob: Dun! Dun! Dun!
Nooblet: You're not helping!
(The 'Guide' suddenly grabs his pantlegs and pulls up with great force.)
Noob:
Chef: Yes, the Chef! Now witness my great plan for ruining this land!
(The Chef turns and pulls the lever on the nearby wall, causing a trapdoor to open beneath the two young adventurers' feet and they fall into the darkness, eventually landing in a room.)
Chef: So far, I've done this to hundreds of newcomers!
(Everything goes dark and then it reveals Noob and Nooblet strapped to some odd machinery.)
Chef: Now, would you like to learn how to cook?
Nooblet: Bah! It's pointless!
Chef: Fine! Noobinator, activate! (Chef pushes a button, causing the machine to turn on and send shocks through Noob and Nooblet, then it goes black as Chef opens his medication package)
(Back up in the house, the Guide is lying on the ground unconscious when Noob and Nooblet appear.)
Noob: Ha!
Nooblet: No! (Nooblet turns to run and falls out a window)
Noob: Yay! Now to do what I do best!
(As Noob continued, he killed many; however, he was eventually defeated by the Mage Guide when he teleported him.)

06-Jul-2008 20:10:31 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:16:30 by CaptChekaka

~` Teleportation Error `~
Noob: Where am I?
Ominous Voice: You, Noob, are in a sacred place!
Noob: Ahh! No!
Ominous Voice: Why do you shout?
Noob: I can*t see anything!
Ominous Voice: Sadly, your eyes are closed.
Noob: (Opens eyes) Oh.
Ominous Voice: Now! Your name is stupid! You must change it… (Voice turns evil) or die!
Noob: Hmm…
Ominous Voice: …
Noob: Is there a third option?
Ominous Voice: No!
Noob: Geez… you’re meaner than Martha Stuart!
Ominous Voice: You’ve met her?
Noob: Uhh… duh.
Ominous Voice: I love her! I watch her show every—
Noob:
Ominous Voice: I mean… (Coughs) Just pick something!
Noob: Hmm…
(Jeopardy tune starts playing)
Ominous Voice: Ugh… Rebecca! Turn down the Television!
Second Ominous Voice: What?
Ominous Voice: Turn down the television!
(A doorbell rings.)
Ominous Voice: Get that!
Second Ominous Voice: What? Do I have to do everything?
Ominous Voice: That’s it! I demand a divorce!
Noob: Umm…
Ominous Voice: Decided yet?
Noob: Yeah… I want a new name.
Ominous Voice: Good. What do you want?
Noob: I want it to be amazing.
Ominous Voice: Yeah?
Noob: Strike fear into the hearts of all.
Ominous Voice: Yeah?!
Noob: Make it exhilarating!
Ominous Voice: Just tell me!
Noob: Fred.
Ominous Voice: …
Noob: Oh fine! Savior.
Ominous Voice: Very well… goodbye, Savior…
(Everything goes black)
Ominous Voice: Wait!
(Everything appears again.)
Savior: Huh?
Ominous Voice: Do you know of a good divorce attorney?
Savior: No… I suggest counseling; a lot of counseling.
Ominous Voice: Thanks!
(Everything goes black, again.)

06-Jul-2008 20:10:32 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:16:45 by CaptChekaka

06-Jul-2008 20:12:31 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:17:00 by CaptChekaka

06-Jul-2008 20:12:31 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:17:15 by CaptChekaka

~` Road to Draynor `~
Savior: Hey, Joe.
Joe: Yeah?
Savior: This is a journey right?
Joe: Yeah, why?
Savior: Yay! Song time! From Journey!
Joe: Ugh. Saradomin, please kill me now...
Savior: "Just a small town girl! Livin' in a lonely world! She took the midnight train goin' a-ny-where..."
Joe: Please, Saradomin, kill me now!
Savior: "Just a city boy! Coming out of south Detroit! He took the midnight train going a-ny-where..."
Joe: Hey look, Savior! Butterflies!
Savior: Oh my gosh! Butterflies?
Joe: Thank heavens.
Savior: Ahh!
(Savior runs past Joe)
Joe: Huh?
(Joe looks and sees thousands of butterflies)
Joe: Run! How the hell did you get into this?
Savior: Actually, *huff* I dont know.
Joe:
Savior: What?
Joe: Idiot.
Savior: What? You think I'm fat? (Sob) No I'm not!
Joe: I know you aren't!
Savior: Dont make me go Santa on you.
Joe: Bring it on, elf boy!
Savior: Oh, no you didn't!
(Savior puts on Santa hat)
Savior: Argh!
Joe: You're a weirdo.
Savior: Be prepared for my jolly boot going somewhere that isnt too jolly!
Joe: Ow, stop kicking.
Savior: Take it back!
Joe: Fine.
Savior: Good.
Joe: (Cough) Moron. (Cough)
Savior: You're asking for Santa again.
Joe: Ha! Whatever, dude.
Savior: Argh! (Starts to chase Joe, then stops with a crash) Gah!
Joe: Huh?
(Looks back and sees that Savior hit a tree)
Joe: Wow.
Savior: Stupid tree! (Kicks)
Joe: With your foot injury, are you sure you should sing?
Savior: Oh, that's right!
Joe: Wait, what?
Savior: "I don't wanna be a Canadian Idiot!"
Joe: What the hell?
Savior: Erm, yeah.
Joe: You are way too hyper.
Savior: Mhmm.
Joe: Ugh, that song is so stupid...
Savior: Hey look! A town!
Joe: Finally! Draynor!
Savior: Yes!

06-Jul-2008 20:12:32 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:18:01 by CaptChekaka

~` Draynor `~
Savior: Come on! Talk to me!
Joe: ...
Savior: Why won't you talk to me?
Joe: Because you are crazy.
Savior: Hah! You talked...ed.
Joe: Fine!
Savior: Hey look, people!
Joe: Wow, so busy.
Savior: Hi, anyone want to be my friend?
Random person who has absolutely nothing better to do: I will!
Savior: Cool!
Joe: I'm Joe - and this is Savior.
Iceburg: My name is Iceburg.
Joe: Okay.
Iceburg: So what are you guys doing?
Joe: Savior and I are - Hey! Where did Savior go?
Savior: Please?
Diego: No! You can't have a free horsey!
Savior: Why not?
Diego: Because I made them.
Savior: Why?
Diego: Because I have no life.
Savior: Why?
Diego: Because I have no friends.
Savior: Why?
Diego: Because you're fat!
Savior: What? No!
Diego: Mwuhahahaha!
Savior: What else could be worse than this?
Diego: This - Savior! I am your father!
Savior: No! - Wait, what?
Diego: Nothing... just wanted to say that.
Savior: Argh!
Diego:
Savior: Don't make me go Santa on you!
Diego: That's totally improbable!
Savior: Yep!
Diego: ...
Savior: I'll kill you with my jolly, fat...
Joe: No! Savior! Don't!
Iceburg: Yeah Savior, don't.
Savior: Fine.
Diego: ...
Savior: But I'm watching you, "Diego". If that is your name!
Diego: It is...
Savior: Well, then I'm watching you!
Diego: Okay, you do that.
Iceburg: (to Joe) Is he always this crazy?
Joe: Sadly, yes...
Joe: But the good thing is that he isn't singing Journey anymore!
Iceburg: He sang Journey?
Joe: And another song, but that's really... ugh.
Iceburg: Wow, he's psychotic.
Savior: So, guys. Some guy told me about a tower south of here called Wizard Tower! Want to go?
Joe: Sure.
Iceburg: Okay.
Savior: To the tower!
(Savior doesn't move)
Joe: You don't know which way the tower is - do you?
Savior: Uhh, no.
Iceburg: Follow me...

06-Jul-2008 20:12:33 - Last edited on 01-Oct-2009 02:41:13 by CaptChekaka

~` Wizard Tower `~
Savior: Are we there yet?
Iceburg: No.
Savior: Are we there yet?
Iceburg: No.
Savior: Are we there yet?
Iceburg: Yes.
Savior: Really?
Iceburg: No!
Savior: Aww.
Joe: Oh my gosh, shut up!
Savior: Stop being mean!
Joe: Stop being an imbecile!
Savior: No!
Joe: Yes!
Iceburg: Oh my gosh...
Savior: Hey look! Wizard Tower!
Mod 5: So now wizards, anyone that eats this roast beef sandwich is banned.
Wizard 1: Yes sir!
Wizard 2: Okay then.
Mod 5: Good luck!
Wizard 1: Luck? Why would we need luck?
(Mod 5 vanishes)
Joe: Hi. I’m Joe; this is Iceburg and Savior.
Savior: Roast beef!
Wizard 3: You cannot eat that.
Savior: Am I diabetic?
Wizard 2: Wait... What? I don’t know...
Wizard 1: You cannot enter or eat the sandwich now.
Iceburg: Let us in!
Wizard 1: Air Bolt!
(Joe and Iceburg perish in a dramatic fashion)
Savior: Aww...
Wizard 2: And by the way… Roast Beef is not a non-perishable food source!
Savior:
Wizard 3: Oh boy...
(Savior proceeds to kill them all and eat the sandwich)
Savior: Ahh, a job well done.
Mod 5: Where’s my sandwich?
Savior: I ate it.
Mod 5: Now I have to ban you!
Savior: Go ahead.
Mod 5: Dang... you agreed...
Savior: So?
Mod 5: No one ever agrees... now I have to give you anything.
Savior: Yay!
Mod 5: Anyway...
Savior: Bring back Joe and Iceburg.
Mod 5: Okay.
(Joe and Iceburg appear)
Joe: Ow...
Mod 5: Okay then! So long!
Savior: No!
(Mod 5 vanishes but Mod 1 appears)
Mod 1: You need something?
Savior: He owes me one more thing...
Mod 1: Ask me for it.
Savior: I need a squirrel; a ferocious one.
Mod 1: Okay.
(Squirrel appears in Savior's hands)
Savior: Thanks!
Mod 1: Bye!
Savior: Hey guys! I'll meet up with you later!
Joe: What?
Iceburg: Err... What's he going to do?
Savior: Bye for now!

06-Jul-2008 20:13:57 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:18:55 by CaptChekaka

~` Savior's Return `~
(Joe is harmlessly chopping wood when Iceburg walks up...)
Joe: Choppin' wood...
Iceburg: Hey Joe... what’s up?
Joe: Not much, how about you?
Iceburg: Nothing.
(An explosion occurs in the distance)
Joe: What was that?
???: Ahh!
Iceburg: Could it be?
Joe: It's Savior!
Savior: Run!
Joe: Huh?
(Looks back and sees High-level person chasing him)
Joe: Shoot!
Iceburg: Great...
(Both turn and run)
High-level person: I’m going to get you noobs!
Joe: What did you do Savior?
Savior: Nothing, and one thing is for sure! I did not stick a squirrel down his pants!
Joe: Heh... Savior's back.
Iceburg: Why did you leave?
Savior: Just had to find this guy...
Joe: Why?
Savior: He was High-level person from a little while ago.
Iceburg: What?
Savior: He's the person who was very cruel and abused me mentally ever since I arrived in Runescape. Now he follows me around and tries to attack me every chance he gets. Geez, I only made his head implode, kidnapped his family, burned his house to the ground, watered his lawn with oil, and put his cat in the blender...
High-level person: Mr. Fluffins!
Savior: Go! Santa hat!
High-level person: What the...?
(Thousands of novelty toys spew from Savior's hands, killing High-level person)
High-level person: Argh! A completely irrational attack hath defeated me! (Dies)
Savior: Hahahaha!
Joe:
Iceburg: Novelty toys?
Savior: Yes!
Joe: ...
Savior: This calls for a victory tune! Oh! Now a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is usually a hussy... And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out is anything but fussy... But a woman who'll wait till the third time around...
(Continues)
Joe: Nice, I guess...
Iceburg: (Imitating Simon Cowell) I thought you were absolutely dreadful.
Joe: (Imitating Randy Jackson) No man! No! That song had the Yo-factor!
Random Noob: (Imitating Ryan Seacrest): Good for you.

06-Jul-2008 20:13:58 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:19:07 by CaptChekaka

06-Jul-2008 20:13:59 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:19:20 by CaptChekaka

~` Road to Falador `~
Savior: (Yawns) I’m so tired.
Joe: Get up! Time to go!
Iceburg: Yeah we have to stock up and leave for Falador!
Mystery: Hurry... we must not waste time.
Savior: Fine!
Pirate 4: Argh! I hope you enjoyed your stay!
Parrot: Squawk! I hope you enjoyed your stay!
Joe: We did, thank you.
Mystery: Iceburg and I will go and stock up on runes.
Joe: Then Savior and I will get food.
Savior: Yeah... I could eat.
Joe: For the trip.
Savior: Aww.
Mystery: Okay then.
(Mystery and Iceburg go to the rune shop)
Iceburg: We would like five-hundred airs, minds, fires, waters, chaos, and deaths please.
Shopkeep: That comes to a total of five-hundred and fifty thousand coins please.
Mystery: Okay, here you go.
Iceburg: Wow, you’re rich.
Mystery: Yes, I am.
Iceburg: We should go back to the inn and wait for Savior and Joe.
Mystery: I know a shortcut.
(After walking for a bit)
Mystery: This is far enough.
Iceburg: Huh?
Mystery: Die, Fire Bolt!
Iceburg: Argh! (Dies)
Mystery: One down. Two to go.
(Back at the inn)
Joe: Where are they?
Savior: Hey! There’s Mystery!
Mystery: Hello.
Savior: Where's Iceburg?
Mystery: He said he would meet us in Varrock.
Joe: Okay then... Well, we should go now to Falador.
Savior: Yes to Fall on the door!
Mystery: Ugh...
Joe: (Stifles laughter)
Savior: What's so funny?
Joe: Nothing...
(Meanwhile, back in Lumbridge)
Iceburg: Ugh... that traitor... I have to get to Varrock to warn Joe and Savior.
(Back with Savior)
Savior: Hey look! There is Fall on the door!
Joe: Ugh.
Mystery: ...
Savior: You guys are going to make me put something jolly where it wont be jolly any more!
Joe: Calm down.
Mystery: (To himself) Soon my master's plans will be complete. All I need is the hat of Santa.

06-Jul-2008 20:15:33 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2008 22:19:39 by CaptChekaka