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Areno3

Areno3

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"He collapsed. The blooded, unprotected face smashed into the ground."
The example you used here didn't flow to me at all. I prefer my way of writing instead of the rapid sentences and chopped format. I don't know, it just seems... weird to me. I can't see myself writing like this. But if you write like this, I can understand the perplexity you probably garner when you read my writing. It's completely understandable.
But I would like an answer on the pronounciation of my character's name. I'm not good with that sort of stuff. :P
EDIT: Also, Camenae, where did you find the "thrown ajar" because I remember writing it, I just don't know where?

29-Jul-2012 18:22:55 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2012 18:37:50 by Areno3

Kereska
Jan Member 2014

Kereska

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Added the pronunciation of Xarth in the last post edit.
It depends on what you're writing. Take action films for example, everything happens quickly, scenes change fast etc.
I used to write how you did, but by varying what I read I started to use shorter sentences to match atmosphere. (Also, my English teacher also recommends doing so, for the reasons I've already stated. It picks up more marks too.)

29-Jul-2012 18:34:38

Areno3

Areno3

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All right, because that's how I pronounce it. I just didn't know how you would put it. Confusing stuff.
I understand. I might try mixing both together (long sentences and short choppy ones). Might make my writing better.
And about the pacing, that's why I put the adjective 'casually' in front of it, to personify what emotion was involved with his pacing.

29-Jul-2012 18:40:11

Azigarath

Azigarath

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Hm, I should have been open-minded enough to notice that not all the demons are exactly the same. Looks like I'm the pigheaded one, not they, hee hee.
Cam does offer useful feedback, but we have to respect the author's way of creating the story too; no one has the authority to change what an author wants to do, even teachers cannot do that. And let's keep in mind that one sentence will not disarray an entire story, and I personally don't find words confusing even when they don't fit; thinking about the story in another language, what sometimes won't make sense in English will make sense in a different language.
Thrown ajar in context doesn't make sense, but for me it makes perfect sense; the door opened fully, but then became ajar, as some doors swing back to place. This is what I imagined because I often read in English but sometimes "talk" in Polish and that was my result. I like to go beyond the words, or sometimes even beyond the story itself.
As long as the picture gets across, then the painter has done the job. Creative writing is not essay writing, so sometimes an author can go through rules creatively. Many authors have done that throughout history, such as Tolkien. Hemmingway often uses long sentences when describing detail, and also once said that writing a story is like making music.
Semicolons can be used between independent clauses not joined by "and", "but" or "or," so can replace the "but", "or" or "and" and a comma. Generally, that's enough to decide when to use a semicolon, I hope that helped a bit too, don't want to feel useless. At least that is the simple rule for Canadian English, so you might wanna double-check.
Of course, all kinds of feedback are valuable as long as there is honesty even when backbone is shown. I am myself a very hard critic, but also an honest one and will always accept the author's way of making his or her story. It's just not too easy to make a story perfect with grammar and syntax when it becomes a long-term project.

29-Jul-2012 23:42:29 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2012 23:43:38 by Azigarath

Kereska
Jan Member 2014

Kereska

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That's strange. I'm sure I posted something about writers and long sentences.
There are some writers that write incredibly long sentences and can do it well. Take Henry James for example. His sentences can last over half a page but again it matches the atmosphere. I recommend you read the Aspern Papers by HJ or The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald if you're adamant to continue using long sentences. And generally just good reads.

30-Jul-2012 10:17:42

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