On Page 79.
Wow. Your improvement right around the end of July was dramatic. I'm quite impressed!
Everything from sentence structure and grammar to content and description got much better, making for a much more enjoyable read. However, as of where I am at, your description and development could still use some improvement.
Try to fill out the action so that it doesn't advance to quickly and feel free to focus a little more of your writing on the scenery around the main action.
If the earth is about to blow up, I think the effects would have been more devastating and needed better description.
But like I said, I am quite impressed with your improvement.
- - - - - - - -
Okay, I found that your plot is advancing far too rapidly all of a sudden. For example, Sarah and Zamak go from enemies to -- for lack of a better word -- lovers in the space of a few posts. It's unrealistic for something like that to develop that quickly. Also, much of the dialogue during battles and dangerous situations was too unrealistic. Those characters wouldn't speak so calmly and with such trivial topics in a life or death situation.
And now, it is about to end. I'm not ready for the end and I think you could stretch the story out a bit more and improve even further.
You've gotten a lot better. Especially with the description. I like how you described Guthix holding the planet together. Anyhow, I think you're nearly Blacksmith at the Prose Forge but not quite. So you're an Adept for now.
Nice story. I personally feel that you should continue it, or if not continue then start another. You do have the talent to write, it just needs more development and practice. Stick with it.
Wow. Your improvement right around the end of July was dramatic. I'm quite impressed!
Everything from sentence structure and grammar to content and description got much better, making for a much more enjoyable read. However, as of where I am at, your description and development could still use some improvement.
Try to fill out the action so that it doesn't advance to quickly and feel free to focus a little more of your writing on the scenery around the main action.
If the earth is about to blow up, I think the effects would have been more devastating and needed better description.
But like I said, I am quite impressed with your improvement.
- - - - - - - -
Okay, I found that your plot is advancing far too rapidly all of a sudden. For example, Sarah and Zamak go from enemies to -- for lack of a better word -- lovers in the space of a few posts. It's unrealistic for something like that to develop that quickly. Also, much of the dialogue during battles and dangerous situations was too unrealistic. Those characters wouldn't speak so calmly and with such trivial topics in a life or death situation.
And now, it is about to end. I'm not ready for the end and I think you could stretch the story out a bit more and improve even further.
You've gotten a lot better. Especially with the description. I like how you described Guthix holding the planet together. Anyhow, I think you're nearly Blacksmith at the Prose Forge but not quite. So you're an Adept for now.
Nice story. I personally feel that you should continue it, or if not continue then start another. You do have the talent to write, it just needs more development and practice. Stick with it.
12-Feb-2008 01:36:16 - Last edited on 12-Feb-2008 03:20:23 by Chuk