Forums
After the Snowstrom
Quick find code: 86-87-60-65820818
Lisaa
said
:
I think that the point we're at right now, is that we're not "forever mad" at these people, but on the other hand we want absolutely nothing to do with them, and don't want them to contact us either. If they could do that, it'd just perpetuate the hate and negativity.
We don't hate them, but we'll have nothing to do with them.
I just feel like I went through a divorce and I don't even want to see my ex in a picture. I'm refusing to talk to my ex, but I'm worried about the kids dealing with the separation. I want the kids to know that I'm there for them. And now we're fighting each other over custody of the kids as much as the kids are forced to choose between us because we separated.
I want my former Clanmates back. All of them. The good and the bad ones. 'Cause even the bad ones were annoying at times, but they were our bad ones u know. I would just whack them from time to time and keep them in line. Problems started to happen when I became inactive. You know what they say, "when the cat's away, the mice will play!"
Ceecs said :
The best thing u can do is contine running the clan and let new clannies not known about the people who left, after a while the old ones feel that they are still in a great clan and don't bother those people who left.
I rather tell them everything myself than let them hear gossip from others. We've been through so much crap together and we're still here. At least now I've resolved my irl problems that were impeding me from being online, so things should slowly start to get better from here on. It's just sad to see this separation happening in the middle of me making things better.
I think that the point we're at right now, is that we're not "forever mad" at these people, but on the other hand we want absolutely nothing to do with them, and don't want them to contact us either. If they could do that, it'd just perpetuate the hate and negativity.
We don't hate them, but we'll have nothing to do with them.
I just feel like I went through a divorce and I don't even want to see my ex in a picture. I'm refusing to talk to my ex, but I'm worried about the kids dealing with the separation. I want the kids to know that I'm there for them. And now we're fighting each other over custody of the kids as much as the kids are forced to choose between us because we separated.
I want my former Clanmates back. All of them. The good and the bad ones. 'Cause even the bad ones were annoying at times, but they were our bad ones u know. I would just whack them from time to time and keep them in line. Problems started to happen when I became inactive. You know what they say, "when the cat's away, the mice will play!"
Ceecs said :
The best thing u can do is contine running the clan and let new clannies not known about the people who left, after a while the old ones feel that they are still in a great clan and don't bother those people who left.
I rather tell them everything myself than let them hear gossip from others. We've been through so much crap together and we're still here. At least now I've resolved my irl problems that were impeding me from being online, so things should slowly start to get better from here on. It's just sad to see this separation happening in the middle of me making things better.
11-Aug-2016 19:13:33
Even though my clan has only been around for a year or so now I have had some try to poach but were unable to break our clan family bond.
It really does teach you a lesson on true friendship and family, a real test for those who are truly loyal within the spirit of the clan.
I left my previous clan in peace for a better start and unfortunately they took offense to it as they mistook my friends leaving as stealing and damaging. It is a shame to lose friends and have them comment on my personal life in the public eye but there is always new opportunities and the future to look ahead to that I'm better off with as none of us need online nonsense in our lives. Some people take it too personally.
Work hard and never look back
It really does teach you a lesson on true friendship and family, a real test for those who are truly loyal within the spirit of the clan.
I left my previous clan in peace for a better start and unfortunately they took offense to it as they mistook my friends leaving as stealing and damaging. It is a shame to lose friends and have them comment on my personal life in the public eye but there is always new opportunities and the future to look ahead to that I'm better off with as none of us need online nonsense in our lives. Some people take it too personally.
Work hard and never look back
My physique is a product of my mindset
Macka#7877
-
Taiwanese Aussie Physique Bodybuilder
11-Aug-2016 19:25:19
Pescao6
said
:
Seer of War said :
if they wanted to be a part of the clan they wouldn't have left or they will rejoin someday as a member.
We get into this argument a lot with people who threaten to leave or constantly leave and rejoin. At what point does one say, "Enough is enough; you aren't allowed to come back"?
Yeah I know what you mean, it stinks to be put in that situation. In general, I do not think its a good idea to allow people that leave to guest. We have more or less established this as the "norm" with our clan (with a few exceptions that have permission).
It probably seems harsh, and perhaps it is; but I believe its also best for our clan. At the end of the day, clans are free to set their own policies about these types of issues. As leaders its ultimately our responsibility to do what is best for our clan as a whole. Do not let people that leave make you feel that you are somehow wrong for doing the right thing.
After all, these are people that already made the choice to leave the clan, so they really aren't a stakeholder in the success of your clan anymore (and in some cases may even have a vested interest in your clan's failure). Should they still be influencing clan policy after they depart? In my opinion, the answer is no.
Kind regards and best wishes,
Founder | The Order of War
Seer of War said :
if they wanted to be a part of the clan they wouldn't have left or they will rejoin someday as a member.
We get into this argument a lot with people who threaten to leave or constantly leave and rejoin. At what point does one say, "Enough is enough; you aren't allowed to come back"?
Yeah I know what you mean, it stinks to be put in that situation. In general, I do not think its a good idea to allow people that leave to guest. We have more or less established this as the "norm" with our clan (with a few exceptions that have permission).
It probably seems harsh, and perhaps it is; but I believe its also best for our clan. At the end of the day, clans are free to set their own policies about these types of issues. As leaders its ultimately our responsibility to do what is best for our clan as a whole. Do not let people that leave make you feel that you are somehow wrong for doing the right thing.
After all, these are people that already made the choice to leave the clan, so they really aren't a stakeholder in the success of your clan anymore (and in some cases may even have a vested interest in your clan's failure). Should they still be influencing clan policy after they depart? In my opinion, the answer is no.
Kind regards and best wishes,
Seer of War
Founder | The Order of War
2600+ Total Level International Tier 7 Citadel, PvM, and Skilling Clan Community
12-Aug-2016 01:40:45 - Last edited on 12-Aug-2016 01:42:35 by Seer of War
Seer of War
said
:
In general, I do not think its a good idea to allow people that leave to guest. We have more or less established this as the "norm" with our clan (with a few exceptions that have permission).
It probably seems harsh, and perhaps it is; but I believe its also best for our clan. At the end of the day, clans are free to set their own policies about these types of issues. As leaders its ultimately our responsibility to do what is best for our clan as a whole. Do not let people that leave make you feel that you are somehow wrong for doing the right thing.
I just don't know whether banning people after they leave so they can't even visit is the right thing to do. It may seem like it at first if you had any threats or indications from them that they would spam the chat or something like that, but after a while they're no longer a threat to the Clan and probably wouldn't even guest if they could.
Then we get into the argument of "Once they're no longer on the Clan, people act differently." Quite often we see people flame on Public Chats after wars. Should those offences be penalized on our Clan or do we not care because it happened outside of our Clan? And is it ok to allow people that flamed your Clan back into your Clan? At what point does one stop caring and wipe the slate clean?
Quoting Hector Lavoe's Aguanile song, "Listen to everyone praying over and over to end war. That isn't going to end; it's going to be a rarity." We will always have fights among Clanmates. It doesn't matter what rules or policies we put in place to prevent them. All we can do is stay intolerant to attitudes we don't agree with. And perhaps do more events to keep the kids busy and distracted so they don't have any free time to argue among themselves.
In general, I do not think its a good idea to allow people that leave to guest. We have more or less established this as the "norm" with our clan (with a few exceptions that have permission).
It probably seems harsh, and perhaps it is; but I believe its also best for our clan. At the end of the day, clans are free to set their own policies about these types of issues. As leaders its ultimately our responsibility to do what is best for our clan as a whole. Do not let people that leave make you feel that you are somehow wrong for doing the right thing.
I just don't know whether banning people after they leave so they can't even visit is the right thing to do. It may seem like it at first if you had any threats or indications from them that they would spam the chat or something like that, but after a while they're no longer a threat to the Clan and probably wouldn't even guest if they could.
Then we get into the argument of "Once they're no longer on the Clan, people act differently." Quite often we see people flame on Public Chats after wars. Should those offences be penalized on our Clan or do we not care because it happened outside of our Clan? And is it ok to allow people that flamed your Clan back into your Clan? At what point does one stop caring and wipe the slate clean?
Quoting Hector Lavoe's Aguanile song, "Listen to everyone praying over and over to end war. That isn't going to end; it's going to be a rarity." We will always have fights among Clanmates. It doesn't matter what rules or policies we put in place to prevent them. All we can do is stay intolerant to attitudes we don't agree with. And perhaps do more events to keep the kids busy and distracted so they don't have any free time to argue among themselves.
13-Aug-2016 16:54:03
Seer of War
said
:
After all, these are people that already made the choice to leave the clan, so they really aren't a stakeholder in the success of your clan anymore (and in some cases may even have a vested interest in your clan's failure). Should they still be influencing clan policy after they depart? In my opinion, the answer is no.
I think there is something to be learned from why they left in the first place. I no longer try to convince people to return to the Clan once they've left because I've done that before and they just ended up leaving again after a while.
I had the same problem with recruiting. Back in the olden days, people would apply to join. But after 2011, we've been inviting people to join. And we still get some that request to join, but I'd say that most if not all of the people who recently left our Clan were invited to join.
I've noticed that those who were invited to join are more likely to jump out of the Clan than those who requested to join. I'd say that part of the reason is that their ties to the Friends who invited them is stronger than their ties to the Clan. And that's typically a good thing as long as their Friends stay on the Clan, but once their Friends leave you can count on most of them leaving with their Friends if they were not successfully assimilated into the Clan. The collective must grow. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. As our clan motto says, "There is... no escape! RuneScape trembles and you... submit!"
But yes, I agree with you. Once people decide to leave, they lose their right to a voice and a vote within our Clan. And it's a good thing you reminded me of this because I'm rebuilding our ranking system inb4 we open Diplomatic Relationships with other Clans and I'm still working out the final details of how we will manage guests, clan friends, allies and retired members differently from active members.
After all, these are people that already made the choice to leave the clan, so they really aren't a stakeholder in the success of your clan anymore (and in some cases may even have a vested interest in your clan's failure). Should they still be influencing clan policy after they depart? In my opinion, the answer is no.
I think there is something to be learned from why they left in the first place. I no longer try to convince people to return to the Clan once they've left because I've done that before and they just ended up leaving again after a while.
I had the same problem with recruiting. Back in the olden days, people would apply to join. But after 2011, we've been inviting people to join. And we still get some that request to join, but I'd say that most if not all of the people who recently left our Clan were invited to join.
I've noticed that those who were invited to join are more likely to jump out of the Clan than those who requested to join. I'd say that part of the reason is that their ties to the Friends who invited them is stronger than their ties to the Clan. And that's typically a good thing as long as their Friends stay on the Clan, but once their Friends leave you can count on most of them leaving with their Friends if they were not successfully assimilated into the Clan. The collective must grow. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. As our clan motto says, "There is... no escape! RuneScape trembles and you... submit!"
But yes, I agree with you. Once people decide to leave, they lose their right to a voice and a vote within our Clan. And it's a good thing you reminded me of this because I'm rebuilding our ranking system inb4 we open Diplomatic Relationships with other Clans and I'm still working out the final details of how we will manage guests, clan friends, allies and retired members differently from active members.
13-Aug-2016 16:54:11 - Last edited on 13-Aug-2016 16:55:36 by Pescao6
Tribelewits
said
:
We've been trough it all and tbh, these situations made us to who and what we are now. We formed certain protocols that form our current system mostly trough situations, where clannies left. So we should actually thank those who left trying to cause issues while doing so.
I rather thank those who ranted or offered suggestions and stayed. Leaving doesn't resolve anything. It just delays progress.
Tribelewits said :
Every now and then we still get some idiots, who weren't even part of the situation, who try to trigger our clannies based on hearsay. etc etc...
That's actually what started this last snowball our Clan just went through - a situation that could've been avoided if someone had sent me a private message or used our private clan discussion forums to ask for a clarification. And I remain intolerant to abuse and acusations based on hearsay as clearly stated on our guidelines.
Tribelewits said :
Letting ex-clannies come back, hardly ever ends well. The relationship is broken, can glue it all u want. There's tiny cracks that form a weak spot, forever and a day.
Lol I must have some crazy glue 'cause my biggest success story was Cuervo97, Legacy Clan Leader of La Hermandad Latina, who I banned 5 times from El Imperio Latino and after joining he slowly got promoted all the way up to the Deputy Owner rank proving not only that we can work with our enemies but that together we're stronger than separated.
There is also something to be said about those who leave and return home with a higher appreciation of what your particular Clan has to offer that they couldn't find anywhere else. As if what didn't kill you but instead made you stronger, by leaving and rejoining most gain a stronger bond to the Clan.
We've been trough it all and tbh, these situations made us to who and what we are now. We formed certain protocols that form our current system mostly trough situations, where clannies left. So we should actually thank those who left trying to cause issues while doing so.
I rather thank those who ranted or offered suggestions and stayed. Leaving doesn't resolve anything. It just delays progress.
Tribelewits said :
Every now and then we still get some idiots, who weren't even part of the situation, who try to trigger our clannies based on hearsay. etc etc...
That's actually what started this last snowball our Clan just went through - a situation that could've been avoided if someone had sent me a private message or used our private clan discussion forums to ask for a clarification. And I remain intolerant to abuse and acusations based on hearsay as clearly stated on our guidelines.
Tribelewits said :
Letting ex-clannies come back, hardly ever ends well. The relationship is broken, can glue it all u want. There's tiny cracks that form a weak spot, forever and a day.
Lol I must have some crazy glue 'cause my biggest success story was Cuervo97, Legacy Clan Leader of La Hermandad Latina, who I banned 5 times from El Imperio Latino and after joining he slowly got promoted all the way up to the Deputy Owner rank proving not only that we can work with our enemies but that together we're stronger than separated.
There is also something to be said about those who leave and return home with a higher appreciation of what your particular Clan has to offer that they couldn't find anywhere else. As if what didn't kill you but instead made you stronger, by leaving and rejoining most gain a stronger bond to the Clan.
13-Aug-2016 17:52:25
Tribelewits
said
:
I'm not too worried anymore when someone wants to leave, its simple, we are x and they want y so they move on with their search.
We figured out the solution to this mathematical equation back in 2007. We don't need to offer x and y, we just need to offer x and connect with a Clan that offers y. Now it doesn't really matter if Someone wants to be on Clan X or Clan Y because they'll be able to share events with both Clans as a Clan Member, Clan Friend or Clan Ally.
What we didn't expect was people fearing Clan X or Clan Y having more control. So we came up with a solution: By community guideliness, Events would be led by their Organizers who also decided what chat to use and what specific rules and ranks would be granted for their particular event.
It's been working out great so far. I've just been having difficulty communicating with people from other Clans because I'm still rebuilding our website, but we share events with people from 100+ Clans through our teamspeak 3 server. Gotta keep building those diplomatic relationships u know.
Tribelewits said :
The issue is mostly what they tell themselves, to give themselves a good reason to leave. Sometimes one just grew out of the clan and doesn't feel home anymore. But somehow they don't want to be the cause, so, knowing or not knowing they create reasons to leave. All to not get the stamp of not loyal etc...
I learned about cognitive dissonance from a book called Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me). And it made me laugh because reading the book was like reading our Clan History. All of the problems I could've avoided or know how to deal with if only I had read this book before they happened.
I'm not too worried anymore when someone wants to leave, its simple, we are x and they want y so they move on with their search.
We figured out the solution to this mathematical equation back in 2007. We don't need to offer x and y, we just need to offer x and connect with a Clan that offers y. Now it doesn't really matter if Someone wants to be on Clan X or Clan Y because they'll be able to share events with both Clans as a Clan Member, Clan Friend or Clan Ally.
What we didn't expect was people fearing Clan X or Clan Y having more control. So we came up with a solution: By community guideliness, Events would be led by their Organizers who also decided what chat to use and what specific rules and ranks would be granted for their particular event.
It's been working out great so far. I've just been having difficulty communicating with people from other Clans because I'm still rebuilding our website, but we share events with people from 100+ Clans through our teamspeak 3 server. Gotta keep building those diplomatic relationships u know.
Tribelewits said :
The issue is mostly what they tell themselves, to give themselves a good reason to leave. Sometimes one just grew out of the clan and doesn't feel home anymore. But somehow they don't want to be the cause, so, knowing or not knowing they create reasons to leave. All to not get the stamp of not loyal etc...
I learned about cognitive dissonance from a book called Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me). And it made me laugh because reading the book was like reading our Clan History. All of the problems I could've avoided or know how to deal with if only I had read this book before they happened.
13-Aug-2016 17:54:17
Quick find code: 86-87-60-65820818 Back to Top