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COMBAY, Porschestan - 13,000 workers from Neros, tons of supplies from Sol Solis, and a few more workers from Pwnage Land were all on hand to assist in rebuilding efforts in and around the capital city today. In case you didn't feel it, a massive earthquake destroyed much of the city earlier this morning. The cause of the earthquake is still not confirmed.
The government fears that the earthquake was caused by an explosion at a top secret military facility out in the deserts of southern Porschestan. The government reluctantly admitted that, "Yes, we did have a massive amount of gasoline present at the base. We know it's illegal, but we put it there before it was! We were trying to make rocket fuel out of it while also making it burn clean. Our scientists were trying to mix it with masonite and loads of other chemicals in order to make an eco-friendly rocket fuel."
One of the relief workers from Neros, who is also a geologist, told us a few more chilling facts about the landscape in the Porschestan desert. "Under the desert sands lie many pockets of fossil fuels. The Porschestani people have been drilling into them for a while now."
Another interesting fact about the situation came from an unlikely source. A terrified looking soldier walking around the city streets today was interviewed by our news crew. He said that he was on a special visit to the capital city and that his whole family was still living at the base when the disaster occured. Without thinking, he told us that government engineers had linked all the pockets of fossil fuels with pipelines to more easily extract them. "If one pocket were to catch fire, they'd all go up in flames! It's basically an enormous underground web of highly flammable material!" No further information was available from this source because he was taken by government police and beaten senseless with batons.
29-Nov-2008 05:49:05