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The Search for the Partyhats

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Croc 2251

Croc 2251

Posts: 5,867 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Noob Twinz, I actually think you deserve more readers than this. Your story's actually pretty good. I came up with an idea to promote a way of getting more readers in exchange for reading someone else's story. If you want, you can check it out - it's called "The Reading Exchange."

I'll still be reading, whether or not you decide to take a look at it, but I'm really hoping to get it started up and running; I just need participants.

20-Jul-2011 09:01:30

Croc 2251

Croc 2251

Posts: 5,867 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Noob Twinz 5, you've been selected for an exchange on The Reading Exchange. If you can, try to get your read-and-review done as soon as possible. If you need any tips on how to read-and-review a story, reference the third page on The Reading Exchange.

The story you've been assigned to is "The Adventures of Corugi," by Kimzi Caky.

The QFC code for the story is: 49-50-62-62358247

Thank you, again, for your cooperation, Noob Twinz 5.

21-Jul-2011 09:49:16 - Last edited on 21-Jul-2011 09:49:55 by Croc 2251

Kimzi Caky

Kimzi Caky

Posts: 10,908 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hi! I read this for the Story Exchange and I must say, it was awesome!

I have never written a review before so I don't know if this will be of any use to you, but here goes anyway.


I always like the whole 'players VS Jagex and their loyal mods' thing, and it was very entertaining to read this in your story. I like how you chose two noobs as the heroes, instead of two already maxed players. Everyone loves a good noob. Their personalities are a bit plain, but maybe that's a good thing. Annoying characters can really ruin a story sometimes.

I Loved the Jagex mods, especially Andrew. It's exactly how I have always imagined him. ;)

I think you used "..." a bit too often as pauses but it doesn't distract from the story itself so no need for any changes.

The only issue I really had with your story - and it's only a minor one - is that you spread out sentences over multiple posts. Maybe it's a better idea to start the new sentence on the next post if it does not completely fit. But again, it does not distract from the story itself and does not necessarily need changing.


Overall I really enjoyed your story and am looking forward to the continuation!

Well done. :D

21-Jul-2011 11:27:10

Noob Twinz 5
Feb Member 2012

Noob Twinz 5

Posts: 640 Steel Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"No one knows other than the CEOs, myself, and any of the moderators who worked here when the meeting took place. Anyway, at the time of the meeting, things here at JAGeX were getting very stressful. Players wanted more updates, newer content, and better gameplay. Seeing as we couldn't do anything and everything our players wanted, and since the players were threatening to attack our Headquarters--"

"Attack the Headquarters?!" MMG repeated loudly, sounding taken aback.

"Yes. Anyway, they threatened to attack us, and we could not let that happen. So upon the release of the partyhats, I stored a small shard of brick into each of them, a piece of brick that came from the JAGeX building itself. So should our building be destroyed, we have the pieces that can fully restore it."

"You only used partyhats?"

"Yes. I manipulated the prices to make them extraordinarily hard to get, and so valuable that no player in their right mind would want to drop them. However, over time, as the game got better and better, the need for the partyhats began to diminish, though they were still in there just in case. At least... what was left of them."

"You mean people were dropping them?"

"No. Two players, the names of whom I cannot remember, went around scamming and killing players to get the partyhats. After they took the hats, they would destroy them with a godsword that they inexplicably obtained, despite having only 10 Attack. They did this so we would give in and give them all the unreleased content they needed."

"So why did you not try to ban them?"

"Oh, don't worry about that.... I will ban them when the time is right...."

And the scene shifted again. They were following MMG down a dark and gloomy alleyway in the suburbs of Varrock. It was pouring rain and they could just barely see MMG turn and go into a house. They suddenly appeared in the house, where it was completely dry and clean, and followed MMG up the stairs.

28-Jul-2011 05:21:56 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2011 19:34:30 by Noob Twinz 5

Noob Twinz 5
Feb Member 2012

Noob Twinz 5

Posts: 640 Steel Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"... Give me all the partyhats and your bank remains!" someone was shouting from another room. MMG peered through a crack in the door and then Bill and Bob were inside the room, watching Andrew shout at a younger version of Bill.

"NO! GET OUT OF HERE, ANDREW! You'll never get the partyhats! I've hidden them all!"

"I will reset your skills as well!"

"I don't care! This is for the players!"

"This is my last warning! Step aside now and leave me to my partyhats!"

"NO!"

Andrew screamed and then swiped his staff through the air, roaring, "DELE ISTA MIHI!"

And then he broke: He was nothing, nothing but pain and terror, and the shard of brick that was clutched tightly in his left hand broke free, and it forced itself into the chest of Bill, who cried out in pain, and Andrew, his ban rebounding upon him, imploded into thin air, and the past-Bill collapsed to the ground in pain, clutching his chest.

The room spun like mad and they were back in Andrew's office, and Andrew was panting heavily and was sprawled out on his desk. MMG had just barely entered the room when Andrew looked up, looking extremely tired.

"M-M-MMG... I've been b-banned.... I am weakened.... Please...."

"Er, sir, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it's just a game--"

"SHUT UP! I've been relying too heavily on my 'RuneScape' account... it's become a part of me. MMG, you must perform the rebirth ritual to bring me back to life.... Go-go to the main control room deep in the basements of this building. In there, there will be a l-lone computer. Go into my profile and edit my information to 'un-banned'.... GO! DO IT!"

MMG, Bill, and Bob were then in the basement, and MMG was rapidly typing in codes and pass-words into the computer. As soon as he logged into Andrew's profile, and person stepped out from the shadows.

"You were there," said a soft female voice. "Earlier, when Andrew was banned."

MMG jerkily turned his head to look at the source of the voice. It was Moderator Poppy.

28-Jul-2011 05:22:06 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2011 19:45:09 by Noob Twinz 5

Noob Twinz 5
Feb Member 2012

Noob Twinz 5

Posts: 640 Steel Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Don't do it, Mark. Save yourself now and don't un-ban him."

"I have to, Poppy. It's important."

"Very well, but you must know, you need to know. You'll have to tell the players who are destroying Andrew's partyhats."

"T-tell them what?"

"You didn't see what happened?"

"It was hard to tell from behind the door. I just saw a lot of movement, and then heard some screaming, and Andrew was gone."

"When Andrew went to ban Bill for destroying his partyhats, he brought with him a shard of JAGeX Headquarter brick, intending to place it in his staff with the ban of Bill--oh yes, to place a piece of brick into an item, you must first ban someone--anyway, when he tried to ban Bill, the ban rebounded upon him, sending the brick flying. Bill could not die because he had become to powerful by destroying the hats, so powerful that Andrew himself could not even ban him."

"W-what...?"

"A piece of JAGeX lies within Bill!"

"How is that possible?"

"I do not know, but any player cannot kill Bill! He is virtually invincible in the Wilderness and against and monster, because nothing can destroy JAGeX... at least, nothing aside from the co-creator of the game."

"You mean, Andrew must ban Bill? In order--in order for all of the JAGeX shards to be destroyed?"

"Yes, it is the only way, MMG. And it must be Andrew, that is essential."

"How do you know this, Poppy?"

And then everything around them dissolved and they were back in the underground cavern of White Wolf Mountain. Bill was had his back against the wall, still sitting, staring off into space. Bob stood up and looked at his friend worriedly.

"You don't have to do it. There must be another way. We can... we can bring you to Nex or something, and she can just kill you and you'll appear in Lumbridge, and it'll be all over!"

"No, Bob. Didn't you hear? I'm too powerful for even Nex to kill me. It has to be Andrew, the one who created this land."

[Space]

"Th-then I'll come with you--!"

"No, Bob, I have to go by myself."

28-Jul-2011 05:22:16 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2011 20:51:19 by Noob Twinz 5

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