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*Hugs Bawa*
Hehe, that reminded me a little of Zatevon's comment:
"English that story was told amazingly...I don't know how to describe the story. It was so very well written."
It's not just you, lol, though I wonder how you'd feel were a number of readers struggled to describe your story...would you feel flattered, moved, or sigh with loss and regret? I certainly feel flattered here hehe.
I'd rather have a post from the heart, than anything
You're so generous, Bawa. You'd reread this over and over? You'd get bored lol. Like me. I feel like in part I'm immune to the storyline so it doesn't get to me that it ended this way. But such high praise...what an honour, sir!
Actually, I have some questions to ask you, if you don't mind.
What did you think of the epilogue, and the ending of the story? For me, the epilogue is not as well written as the other parts of the story. But then again, I spent the least time on it, as I wrote this chronologically. Did it come across as a slight let down from the previous chapter?
Which is your favourite chapter? Which is your favourite character?
Which is your least favourite chapter, and character?
Were the paragraphs like blocks of text and difficult to penetrate/read? Where was the narrative at its weakest?
Was Chapter 1 boring?
Lastly, did you have any time to have a think in the Food for thoughts section? And what did you think of Ronny and Edward's relationship?
Once again, thank you for the post. And what nonsense, anybody can write like me, given the practise and having put enough thought behind their work.

07-Jan-2011 15:28:03

08-Jan-2011 06:35:41 - Last edited on 08-Jan-2011 07:52:40 by Dark Enmity

08-Jan-2011 06:36:08

As for Ronny and Edward’s relationship I was a little skeptical about Edward’s feelings for Ronny about what he did. If I remember correctly, Ronny is 13, and that means has very high expectations. Ronny has no excuses, but it is unfair for Edward to react so violently to him, even if he ruined his life. I think it was horrible what Edward went through, though.
As for the food for thought I like a little supplementary reading. I find this quote and your narration after ironic.

“’If there were such feelings at all, it was a phase, because his own experience told him this was so, and therefore this must be the case for everyone else too who felt the same, especially Edward because he was his son.’
-Why do we judge others with our own standards?*
I think the “especially” should apply to Ronny because Edward believes Ronny is a younger him, when really he can’t possibly know who another person is. As it is out of context, don't literally change it. Just wanted to point out the fact.
I hope you respond to this. Feel free to ask more questions, I always enjoy chatting. Bye!

08-Jan-2011 06:36:24 - Last edited on 08-Jan-2011 07:51:14 by Dark Enmity

08-Jan-2011 07:56:51

Thanks Nguy for the bookmark
Hey, Kyle. No worries there, I remember you I’m glad it sparked the debatable ghost in you, because I’m not sure that many stories on here can, hehe!
The introduction of this work cited the culprit who uttered those words, but whether this work would have been produced were it not for that comment…I’m not so sure. I wrote this before I heard such a comment, and found it fitting as an ad, just like in The Priceless when the Wilderness update and all had nothing really to do with why the story was written in the first place. As for the second reason…I wouldn’t exactly say a better version. A better story, perhaps. I did*’t have it in mind that I should copy what I’d done in the Priceless and improve on it when I wrote this.
It is also in my view that the epilogue was weak in comparison. But I would disagree anything new being learned perhaps. As an epilogue, it’s a summary of events, emotions, and what happened to the characters we’ve met before. We learned that the previous chapters were fiction and entirely made up by the Older Ronny, who is guilt ridden and wanted appeal to the reader of his crimes. We weren’t revealed that it is possible to have some extremely inaccurate description of characters and events that occurred before until this point.
I actually don’t find it shocking that your least favourite character could be Edward. Intrigued, perhaps, but not shocked. Would love to hear your reasoning/evidence that prompted this though. And I’d love to see why you’d consider him the most evil character in this story.
Glad to hear Chapter one is not boring. Some find it too much for them, as they prefer slap bang entry and you’re gripped. Not in this case for me because I wanted (and the Older Ronny wanted too) to first establish a connection between the reader’s mind and the younger Ronny’s, so you can put yourselves in his shoes and care about what happens next.

08-Jan-2011 18:50:25

You’re the third person to have nominated Tyler to be your favourite. He was indeed lovable, innocent, but overall had the least to lose. He was born with a low expectation in life and was not expected as much. Whereas Edward had everything at one point and lost it all. Tyler was not the one being forced to live on a false hope for five years. And he still hasn’t forgiven Ronny, really .
At what point did you know the telling was going to happen?
Yeah, I agree with the lecturing thing, but due to space constraint and the message had to be conveyed, it got squashed into a paragraph. In that example, I started with some background information and mirror how these are treated by the Jagex company as a whole. And this probably forms my argument against the quote in the ad.
It was intention for me to make Reldo burst into tears out of concern for Edward, ask him questions, whereas Ronny had none. As for dying with no regrets…nobody knew for certain. Everybody has regrets, and perhaps Ronny feels Reldo has none, or Reldo was on much better terms with Edward than himself when he died.
One of my readers once said, they are all fools, in their own way.
By any chance, are you a younger brother?
What Ronny did to Edward, Edward did not deserve. Ronny justified the events led up to his crime being that of having a bad day, Reldo giving him assignments, being neglected by mother and scolded by father. Ronny didn't really bother describing what would be troubling Edward at those points, of being with an impossible love, having to meet secretly, had to put on a show with a woman he didn't love, a father who expected way too much etc. Though many were at fault here, it was easy to point your finger at one person, the catalyst, Ronny, and Ronny having failed to see past his own misery to consider the lives of others.

08-Jan-2011 18:50:46 - Last edited on 09-Jan-2011 02:52:36 by Englishkid62

08-Jan-2011 18:51:00 - Last edited on 08-Jan-2011 18:51:56 by Englishkid62

09-Jan-2011 01:40:56

09-Jan-2011 01:41:05