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I've finally finished it, English, as promised.
My personal opinion is that this is slightly better than The Pricelss. I am far too tired to post a full analysis here now, but I'm sure you will be eager to interrogate me and discover my opinions soon in-game.
Well done on another stunning piece of literature.

18-Sep-2010 00:35:22

You can post your analysis here for others to see! I demand you!
(I actually thought you'd forgotten your promise )
And only 'slightly' better?

18-Sep-2010 01:04:51 - Last edited on 18-Sep-2010 01:20:18 by Englishkid62

Right, going to bed.
The comments'd better worth the wait

18-Sep-2010 02:07:35

18-Sep-2010 14:12:13

It took me several days to read your piece, but I finally did it. Throughout the first four pages of the book, I was thinking to myself that this story was not even close to rivaling "The Priceless". The Priceless had emotion in it, and I couldn't find as much in this story. Until I reached the last two pages.
Looking at your story literary wise, you're a freaking genius . I mean wow. At the beginning there was just enough emotion in the story to keep me reading; but at the end there was too much emotion, I could barely keep on reading. The part where Edward is in jail, to the end of the Epilogue, was just so... excellent, superb, outstanding, magnificent, exceptional, marvelous, wonderful, fruitful, and exciting. There was so much there, it was like you drowned the reader in emotions.
The characters are extremely well developed too. You can really feel their emotions, feel their presence. The reader can enter their heads, and be engulfed in the rush of emotion. Which I thought was awesome.
During the last pages, I kept thinking to myself, "Oh please! Come on Edward! Forgive Ronny! Please forgive him!" I felt really connected to him. That was really cool, and sad. (Because of the position Ronny is in) You really have this way of keeping the ready on the edge of the tallest mountain, I kept hoping for something, anything else then Edward dying. Really excellent job on this one.
Even though I don't like your ending, I love it. It's hard to explain, I don't like the way you ended it because Edward is lost, and Ronny never forgiven. But I like it literary wise. Such a great way to end it, it keeps you guessing and hoping.
I have four brothers, and I keep putting myself in Ronny's shoes. I really felt for him. After reading the story I was so depressed and sad, that's why i didn't answer right away. This is actually a good thing. I've been thinking about what I can write as a response, so I hope this isn't too bad of a response.
-Continue-

18-Sep-2010 14:34:20

The only fault that I did find in your piece is that the story was a little slow to start off. Your writing was great, but the story itself wasn't hooking me, if you get what I mean.
The plot itself was intriguing. I had never read the like. I had never read a story concerning the reaction of a whole kingdom concerning the relationship between Edward and Tyler. Like I said, intriguing.
Overal, excellent job! I prefer "Brotherly Love" to "The Priceless".
-----------
Morally wise I can't say I agree with Edward. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of hater. I just disagree with his beliefs. I know what the rest of the world is like when it comes to that matter, and I'm not like that. I'm not going to be angry at these people, but I can't say that I agree with them.
Which brings me to my last point. To me, you are a living legend. Caydock first introduced me to you, and regarded you in such high praises. I believe that you are the best writer there is in the forums. To be honest, I wish I could write like you. Now I know the talk, "Well, you can. You just need to work on your writing skills more" Well, that's not true. You have this... fire inside of you that brings your story alive, I don't care how good you are in writing; if you don't have that your story isn't worth it.
I regard you as one of my top three friends on Rs. But a friendship needs to go both ways. It's amazingly lucky to me that I even met you in Rs, not to say that I talked to you in friend-chat. Even though I may not agree with you on some of your beliefs, I hope that you don't regard me as someone else. I'm not these angry people, and I hope you know that. I won't think of you differently if you believe like Edward, and I hope you don't think any less of me because I don't agree with you.
I'm not that kind of person that hates. I really am not. I can't describe what I mean by "That kind of person" but I hope you know what I mean.
Well, that's about it. There's my feed-back.

18-Sep-2010 15:02:52

Hey, thanks Ruben. A two posts long comment is definitely worth the wait
Thanks very much for taking the time to write down your kind words, really. Very, very generous of you to praise and hold me in such a high regard! I am very flattered.
Wow, you have four brothers? Are you the youngest one? Usually the younger brothers associate more with Ronny and older brothers like myself identify more with Edward. I'm sorry it depressed you
And for the start, I know it was slow A lot of readers preferred the slap bang entrance into the story, but for the moment that is too forceful for my tastes.
I wanted to gradually ease the reader into the world in which Ronny lived, as the older Ronny tried to bring back the world he once lived in, the calm before the storm, and he seemed to relish it a little bit too. So stylistically the older Ronny would want to hang onto every last minute of that time in his novel. Technically however, concerning execution, I needed some time to actually get my readers to care about my characters, and to establish that link between their minds. Without it, even if there is an emotional scene at the start, the readers will not care because they don't know the characters well enough. So I needed a few chapters to build the reader's trust in me and my characters, and to build the story, set the scene, so it can be contrasted with later events and it would magnify the effects of Ronny's crime. So, yes, sorry if it bored you, but I kind of see it as a necessary part to make the second half of the novel more powerful.
Yay, another reader switched camp from Brotherly Love to The Priceless
---
As for morally, well, none of us can absolutely be certain that those were actually Edward's thoughts. And they weren't necessarily my beliefs as such, as the views expressed were a little on the extreme side. And feel free to disagree with, well, my character's guess at another character's view

18-Sep-2010 22:39:37

And of course you can write like me. And I am no genius, seriously.
Wait a minute, this...fire?
Who said you're one of those angry people...?
Regardless, thanks

18-Sep-2010 22:39:50

19-Sep-2010 01:28:55 - Last edited on 19-Sep-2010 01:30:21 by Steak Jesus

Hey. Thank you very, very much for your generous review and your kind praise. Really, they mean a lot to me

19-Sep-2010 01:35:06