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Nildi of Keldagrim

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Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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Dream, this is like Lord of the Rings! This is Poetry!

Very gripping novel, and your descriptions was very well done, and the suspense element of it is fantastic. I'd love to read more of it (and am very reluctant to leave) but I had to get home because this is the end of school ...

Random mistakes I noticed:

Or ‘Hey you, another pint!’ I answer to most things, come to think of it. But let us walk to the Guild while we talk.”

~Maybe use a dash to separate the speech inside the dialogue?

“Has Secretary Rarve been made aware of a Dwarf wishing to seek his council?” asked Nildi?

~Question mark...

“Demonstrate a high competency of magical skill. Otherwise the very forces in play within this Guild may drive you mad,” scoffed the voice.

~LOL

“that it would be better if you left the Guild as quickly as possible with that pendant of yours.

~ am no master of grammer, but I would recommend using 'leave' instead of 'left' here.

Good read, I hope to read more soon.

21-Nov-2008 15:32:43

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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I read it all now. Very nice tale! The description of the last battle was full of suspense and tension, you created a fantastic story and it was gripping throughout.

Quite different though, isn't it, comparing to your other works? I thought I sensed influence from the Lord of the rings but anyway, mind shedding some insights into the story?

This story is epic as it relates most parts of RuneScape. Nice job! You should publish a book some day. :)

21-Nov-2008 17:34:09

Dreamweaver
Aug Member 2003

Dreamweaver

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English, thanks so much for your comments. You're as insightful as always, and I appreciate it.

You guessed correctly that Tolkien's writing style is certainly an influence. Who in the fantasy realm would not wish to try and emulate some of his incredible prose.

As far as the story itself went, it started very simply with the germ of an idea, which became the introduction: A gruesome message written on a miner's skin. But it lay in that state, untouched for more than a couple of years, dithering around in the back of my mind, before I came up with a way to explain what that meant, and tie it into RuneScape at the same time so that I could post it here.

But once I started working on it, the plot came easily. I mapped out the skeleton plot before writing anything in full, then added the twist at the beginning where the barman was not whom Nildi expected him to be. That surprised me as much as my main character, but we found a way to explain that mystery.

The rest of it is fairly linear, with predictable but varied side-adventures when the shadows attack to try and show the breadth of the land of RuneScape and highlight the extent of the Shadows' attacks. It was supposed to be unsettling in its unpredictable nature, just as any terrorist threat would be, though terrorism was not a conscious thought while I was writing it.

I need to review and rewrite it if it's to be as good as it can be. Parts of it I remain happy with, though other sections can definitely be improved. I could also make the plot more complex, though I have always been happy with how the tale reached its ****** at the final fight scene, followed by the analysis and wrap-up at the end.

All in all, I'm happy but I think a re-write (or a sequel) could improve upon it.

Thanks again for your time and very kind, valuable words.

Dreamweaver

22-Nov-2008 05:21:27

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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Yeah well, for some reason, when i was reading it, I dreaded certain things to link into another, although I might have forgotten about which specific parts, but there were such moments :p

I still think those two thieves coming back at the end was a little bit of a surprise, though, and I like how you sometimes alter between Nildi and an attack of shadows. It is fantastic the way you describe your vitums - instead of mindless victums nobody cared about with no description whatsoever, you created a world for them, and they had their own habbits, and had just as much cause to be sympathized with as Nildi himself.

As for the terrorist theme, well, I guess that also works well, because if we're seeing all these stuff on T* it's very easy to forget these victums have their famillies, friends and loved ones too, instead of just - dry figures, numbers.

I don't know why, but the anti-****** seemed to be a let down in my case for some reason, maybe it was just me, but I find it not as gripping as the other parts of the story ... do you think ...?

Anyway, I'm always here if you want a suggestion or two about plot-weaving ... lol, but a mind like yours I'm sure you can weaver a plot just as well.

Why didn't Nildi want to be known as a crystalweaver anymore?

22-Nov-2008 16:18:56 - Last edited on 22-Nov-2008 16:21:07 by Englishkid62

Dreamweaver
Aug Member 2003

Dreamweaver

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You bring up some interesting points. If the piece is anticlimactic at the end, that's a good thing to know. I"m also a little uncomfortable about the thieves returning. That was a weak element, you're quite correct.

If I undertook some substantial editing I would try to fix those sorts of issues (or at least improve on them somewhat).

Thanks for recognising that the different victims were brought to life enough to be empathized with. I had to make them each feel like a substantial loss that mattered, to bring realism and importance to the terror aspects of the story.

Finally, Nildi didn't want to be recognised as Crystalweaver any more because his crystal-weaving skill almost brought destruction to everything he knew. So he didn't want to associate with or be recognised for that talent any further. I hope that makes some kind of sense. :)

Dreamweaver

23-Nov-2008 04:31:37

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chuck, sure, well, talk to me sometime and I'll try my best to help you.

Yes Dream, not many people these days recognized each victum has a life of their own, and the emotion of it came out well.

P.s. Perhaps the Shadows steal something from the thieves/kill some of their friends or something? lol Dunno, just a random idea.

23-Nov-2008 12:51:47

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