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Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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Plot! Ah! Time to discuss your plot, hehe. In general, a mystery genre is very interesting and it does leave the reader intrigued. Is it designed to be without answers? I don’t seem to find the reason that the Duke has died in some way relate to the death of the cook. I am confused. You didn't really specify that in the essay, so I don’t know whether this is an actual flaw in the story line, or that you have managed to weave a complicated reason behind all this that I can’t understand.
As I said earlier, the moral message needs to be stronger. In the beginning the cook was obsessed about adding, but to make your moral message appear stronger, he needed to take time and think through whether he should add more to the dish or not. This is essential. Yes, there is enough DOING and ACTION in your story, but not enough THINKING. It is also interesting to see how these characters come to do what they do, and be sure that you have a good reason for the things they do, too.
Apart from the major confusing ending, there weren’t many flaws in the story. Although I do doubt the necessity of the newspaper report, and wondered if you remove that passage, it would still be as effective…
Judging from the fact that it is a genre ‘Mystery’, which possibly gives it a reason to have unexplained deaths, I’d go with believing that the chef’s death is not out of entire randomness
Grade: G
I know you look forward to this category, Spelling and Grammar. Maybe it is because you are tired, or that I am being particularly mean, there are some things that sticks out in your story.
The word ‘unordinary’ does not really exist in the dictionary, although I’ve asked my English teacher that it is okay to use. For better English, you should consider extraordinary or unusual. No, you wouldn’t get marked down for this.

23-Jun-2011 13:42:47

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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“The cobwebs that once adorned the room had been removed specially for the occasion”
~I think, instead of ‘specially’, you meant ‘especially’, which would make more sense.
“Oohs” and “Aah(c)s” resounded around the medium-sized room, clear signs that the quests were impressed."
-As a SENTENCE, you seemed to have missed some words out.
"It was almost as if a hoard of locusts”
~Hehe, you meant ‘horde’ instead of hoard.
“as his face slowly lay down on his clean plate”
~Not really a grammar issue, but to move slowly, one has to be extremely conscious. I don’t believe he is in a position to put his face slowly on the plate.
“was even scarier than the cook first thought.”
~That wasn’t very good English. A better alternative would be 'the cook had previously imagined’.
Mmm, what can I say?
Grade: Good
Your Vocabulary was rather good. Multiple words I had to look up in a dictionary, but other than that you demonstrated a good range of words, descriptions, as well as using them correctly. That certainly is impressive. I wouldn’t expect to hit the highest grade in this category, since only a handful of people from this forum can do so, but this isn’t the most important aspect of my requirement, and you did well in it.
Nothing much to say, except that I really liked the word ‘luscious’
Grade: G

23-Jun-2011 13:43:03

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Conclusion:
With 5 grade ‘G’s you’re our strongest applicant up to date. All I had said has been said and I hope I have justified my grade thoroughly. If you wish to discuss this, feel free to do so. To improve your writing further, you could do with some more proof-reading, and possibly thinking about the story as a whole. A writer really should spend three times as much time to think about the story than actually writing it. You must be clear what your characters are thinking and feeling at particular points in the story to carry your messages through. You could also work on the ways in which you deliver your moral messages, to make sure that your presentation of it is absolutely spot-on. All in all, very well done to you.
I am delighted to offer you a place in The Guild of Unique Authors. Please don’t be shy. Step into the spot-light and it’s your time to shine :)
I hope you enjoy your time in our guild. To confirm your membership, please fill in the Bio form on Page 3 post 3
Happy writing!

23-Jun-2011 13:43:14

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Yeah, frankly, I'm no longer able to run the guild by myself like the old days though. To conduct every review personally seems exhausting.
I've been thinking to adjust the entry requirement a little as well. What about a monthly theme which then we assess how this theme is handled - and thus assess uniqueness? That's easier than just say 'this genre is unique...'

23-Jun-2011 13:45:50

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
That's a brilliant idea. It certainly adds an element of uniqueness to the guild, and authors will have a greater sense of achievement, as well as exploring new genres. Perhaps you could integrate a list of the genres each member has passed in? Maybe there could be ranks associated with how many genres a member is accepted in?
Though I think I remember you saying something about no ranks. But anyway, just ideas.

23-Jun-2011 13:48:38

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
That's a brilliant idea. It certainly adds an element of uniqueness to the guild, and authors will have a greater sense of achievement, as well as exploring new genres. Perhaps you could integrate a list of the genres each member has passed in? Maybe there could be ranks associated with how many genres a member is accepted in?
---
My proposal definitely is more restrictive, of course. People aren't as free to write whatever they want. However, it will give me more room to breathe because towards the end the acceptance was so general that as long as it's not A/A, it'll likely get accepted. But the handling of themes is more important, I think. It also gives me a chance to standardise things.
So for example, the theme this month is 'Betrayal'.
I can write about a c**koo in a nest...
I also see that continued participation should be rewarded, and it is an excellent way to generate activity. Maybe there will be ranks associated, I don't know ;) . Though it will certainly mean more reviews to complete.

23-Jun-2011 13:54:27 - Last edited on 23-Jun-2011 13:58:20 by Englishkid62

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well, as I apparently did in this guild, I could step in to assist with the occasional review of an entry. I would just really like to see it up again, as I believe we had one of the strongest guild communities, everyone with something in common.
I definitely think that the opportunity for members to apply for each genre as it changes will be a fun way to earn recognition in each field, and have stories reviewed. This grading system works well too.
EDIT: I think that the restriction you talked about is a good thing, as people will be usually forced out of their genre if they want to apply. This means a greater sense of accomplishment upon acceptance and getting writers to try new things.

23-Jun-2011 13:58:04 - Last edited on 23-Jun-2011 13:59:44 by Borna Coric

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Oh, I wouldn't ask them to write in genres exactly...
What I'm proposing is more like a set theme, like you'd get in a themed story contest. But applicants will be assessed how much of a twist they can bring to it, as well as the quality of writing. We can then review how much effort they've put in to make this a unique piece of fiction.
Genre is more restrictive than general themes, I think. Particularly, I don't feel confident in reviewing every genre :/

23-Jun-2011 14:00:50 - Last edited on 23-Jun-2011 14:01:43 by Englishkid62

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Oh sorry, I misread your original post.
Themes would work equally as well, though. I guess the biggest issue would be ensuring that each one has the same "scope" as the other, and don't overlap too drastically (eg, one month "Betrayal", as you said, and the next "Death&quot ;) . That's a bracket, no idea why it is making that face...
EDIT: But that shouldn't be too difficult to avoid.

23-Jun-2011 14:04:23 - Last edited on 23-Jun-2011 14:05:37 by Borna Coric

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