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G Shamshir

G Shamshir

Posts: 1,723 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
fault of the character constraint, which I do see the nese**ty of.
Furthermore the woman who shot Marcus is entended to be recognized as being another member of Johan's team who were assembled to silence Elizabeth. This is ment to be emplied and obvious, once again a partial fault of the character constraint.
I will however not contest your coments about my poor spelling. Spelling has always been a problemn of mine, I have always been able to form elequint thoughts but transfering them into the form of words in a timely maner has always lead to sacrifices, especialy considering that I wrote this peice around 1:00 A.M. I have always found the night and a healthy level of fatigue to aid in the writing process, this is, inpart, a well-documented manifestation of my ADD and one of the few benefits of the condition however the need for a certain level of fatigue also causes me to make misstakes and generaly not notice them. Furthermore I was writing on the runescape forums and this story has yet to be saved in the form of a word document, allthough that is a very good idea.
I am sure that you will likely find fault with the spelling of my response as well but I only ask that you look past that and instead see its message for its own worth.
I wish you the best of luck with the revival of this writing guild and hope that you will understand that I harbor no malice towards you or your guild. I understand your reasons for my lack of aceptance, for different people have different tastes and different views and ideals, such is life. So I say, C'es* la vie. That is life, my friends, that is life.
So, I shall leave you with a few quotes from my favorite author, "Man is imortal.", "Beyond the last ding-dong of doom man shall survive.", "Between pain and nothing I choose pain.", "Between greif and nothing, I choose greif.", and "Between whisky and nothing I choose whisky, it's the closest thing to good moonshine I can find." - William Faulkner (collectively)
Good luck
G.Sham

12-Aug-2010 02:28:24

G Shamshir

G Shamshir

Posts: 1,723 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
fault of the character constraint, which I do see the nese**ty of.
Furthermore the woman who shot Marcus is entended to be recognized as being another member of Johan's team who were assembled to silence Elizabeth. This is ment to be emplied and obvious, once again a partial fault of the character constraint.
I will however not contest your coments about my poor spelling. Spelling has always been a problemn of mine, I have always been able to form elequint thoughts but transfering them into the form of words in a timely maner has always lead to sacrifices, especialy considering that I wrote this peice around 1:00 A.M. I have always found the night and a healthy level of fatigue to aid in the writing process, this is, inpart, a well-documented manifestation of my ADD and one of the few benefits of the condition however the need for a certain level of fatigue also causes me to make misstakes and generaly not notice them. Furthermore I was writing on the runescape forums and this story has yet to be saved in the form of a word document, allthough that is a very good idea.
I am sure that you will likely find fault with the spelling of my response as well but I only ask that you look past that and instead see its message for its own worth.
I wish you the best of luck with the revival of this writing guild and hope that you will understand that I harbor no malice towards you or your guild. I understand your reasons for my lack of aceptance, for different people have different tastes and different views and ideals, such is life. So I say, C'es* la vie. That is life, my friends, that is life.
So, I shall leave you with a few quotes from my favorite author, "Man is imortal.", "Beyond the last ding-dong of doom man shall survive.", "Between pain and nothing I choose pain.", "Between greif and nothing, I choose greif.", and "Between whisky and nothing I choose whisky, it's the closest thing to good moonshine I can find." - William Faulkner (collectively)
Good luck
G.Sham

12-Aug-2010 02:28:25

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

Posts: 3,400 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Nickname (A name that would be shown in the member’s list): Michael
Time Zone: Greenwich Meridian Time-zone
Is English your first language (this will not lead to a more generous mark scheme, if you indicated otherwise): No
A story that demonstrates the best of your talent: A Sci-Fi Conglomerate, the title of the story itself is: A Damned Terrene
Number of story posts on the said story above (Must be more than 15): It is around 9 but short stories are my expertise and I have several projects nearing fruition.
The QFC of your story: 49-50-742-61340122
Your specialties (Genre wise): My specialist is perhaps predominantly romantic drama/epics. However, I have a soft spot for science fiction since I am into such genre and science is very engaging to me personally. In addition, I adore a genuine philosophical or religious debate in real life so such stories regarding said issues are also appealing.
Additional information about yourself (Things I should know about you): Ever since I became fluent in the English language, I have valued reading very high on my list of hobbies. Some genres and novels have evoked sentiments within me such as Animal Farm by George Orwell and 1984. These are political books which I can relate to due to my own strong beliefs in politics. In addition, I have read numerous works by Richard Dawkins such as The God Delusion because, like I mentioned above, controversial subjects like that are captivating. Other authors I prefer are, H.G. Wells, Robert Ludlum, Clive Cussler and Thomas Hardy. I believe that I’m a generally sociable person and enjoy helping others in dire times. Also, I speak Chinese (to Agent Cico) since English mentioned that you are fluent at it as well!
I DO want my entry and its complementary review to be archived in The Library.
-------------
Without further ado:

The Enlightenment
----------------------------

13-Aug-2010 15:29:32 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2010 12:47:21 by [#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

Posts: 3,400 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Enlighten me.
Dispel my ignorance.
For you said, I am but a pawn in the broader perception.
What is this so-called ‘nationwide conspiracy’? You imply of this elaborate web of deceit. A bureaucratic system to repress me, you, and the whole populace? Am I truly embroidered into the fabric of democracy?
Born into the perpetual dark, I was. Indoctrination was the trick. Ever since childhood, never should I question the mechanisms of capitalism. Never forget that the government operates in the public’s interests. Understand that freedom is a virtue.
But, I beg to differ. My sub-conscience bears a memory that will collapse this ideology.
The light at the end of the tunnel emerges, the truth in sight.
---
Games are fantastical microcosms, breeding grounds for our imagination. They provide an alter ego existence enshrouded by aspects that could never hope to exist, be it interacting with dragons, slaying orcs or performing magic. But best of all, they are retreats from physical mortality.
Gluttony is a Cardinal sin. Perhaps I had committed this. Indulging upon my other self in the parallel universe was akin to ecstasy. The obsession mounted and the withdrawal symptom worsened.
Pleasure. That was my reward of banishing my life down the drain. The craving was intense; day after day my mind was held captive.
One morning, everything changed.
My avatar paused upon the gateway, the metal designs so intricately composed. A foreboding barrier locked in place by stone walls stretching on either side into the corners of my LCD monitor. It was mankind’s display of strength; I could scarcely conceive the beauty of the pixels. Entering the virtual city, my character, clad in armour authentic to the point of shadows, strolled amongst the hundreds of other players socialising in their second life. Attires and robes of diabolical fashion were on display. Horns, spikes, patterns of all manners defined wealth and opulence. Capes, cloaks and colours signified skill and experience.

13-Aug-2010 15:29:33 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2010 12:48:42 by [#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

Posts: 3,400 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Speech, posture and infamy heralded respect and status. I soon noticed their behaviour and glared perplexed at them. People looked down upon underlines with contempt. They preferred the company of equals, bantering light-heartedly, ignoring the pleas of the unfortunate or the praise from supporters. As they moved on, I could sensed that their heads were held high and muttered to themselves,
“I’m better than you.”
Unnerved, I accordingly commanded my character to sprint away. Never had I cared about the bourgeois class; it was a game. Somehow, that justification faltered that day as a compelling revelation arose from my instincts. My heart tightened with anxiety and malice, yearning to strike at the mindless pigs.
Calming somewhat, I sauntered through the district arriving upon a destitute area of despair. The designers had engineered beggars, wandering without an aim in their repetitive life. The buildings were maimed with holes in walls and the interior mutilated by the sprawling garbage.
A new emotion swept over my heart.
Pity.
I observed a scrounger’s routine. He would trudge across the cobbled path, often beseeching for charity then turn back before the process restarts. Eerily, from an edge of my screen came a puppy, it crawled with a tortured complexion, perhaps a broken leg. Its fur grew out of control yet some patches were ripped off from abuse. Parasites enveloped its skin, draining its crimson life-force, but worst of all was its bony features; the skin embracing the bones in malnutrition and a look of utter desperation in its sparkling eyes.
Extracting myself from this appalling spectacle, I leapt from my chair and flung myself onto the bed. Sweat trickled past my furrowed brows and the corner of my eyes as I gasped in distress. The drug’s leash around my neck was severed. I regained my freewill. Shrugging the shackles of restraint onto the floor, I slipped off the bed and paced steadily to the window to simmer down.
A familiar view lay before my

13-Aug-2010 15:29:33 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2010 13:40:24 by [#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

Posts: 3,400 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
sight…
The similarities of the game to our Earth dawned upon me; they are literal mirror images. I realised with great anxiety that reality was the fundamental model for that fictional planet.
The tramp. The neglected buildings. Even the disowned dog.
They are real.
Amongst the structures in the horizon, numerous were high rising, exclusive apartments for the bankers employed in the City. Turquoise glass panes blazed against the backdrop of a cloudless sky. The contemporary steel rods criss-crossed in lattices throughout the complex, the bold and unique shapes intend to assert superiority over the ‘lowly proletariats’. Smothered within was a lone council flat of brick and dull yellow paint, bleak under the shadow and menace of aristocracy residing in the adjacent office towers. Why do the elites sit on top of the world?
Tearing my eyes away, I turned to my neighbourhood for consolation from this injustice. Indeed, people seemed harmonious. Every estate was a duplicate of the other and no neighbour superior to another. Cars, belongings and signs of prestige were generally identical. This was Utopia. All humans united under a collective trait. My rosy lips curved to a beaming smile, this was life as God dictated.
My elation was short-lived. A figure struggled up my road. He pushed a trolley of his belongings, tainted and tarnished whilst his clothes were patched so frequently as though a rainbow of paint was poured upon him. Despite a warm pair of aquamarine eyes, the person’s beard was bathed in grease and his stench foul. Meanwhile, a jet black Ferrari swerved round with a suited man inside. Through the open top, his swarthy hair was greased with a well maintained style. Designer sunglasses rested on the bridge of his nose, concealing his eyes behind a façade of darkness. In the instant the business man passed the tramp, the essential problem of civilisation itself became visible…
---
Inequality is the legacy of democracy.
There is price for freedom.

13-Aug-2010 15:29:33 - Last edited on 15-Aug-2010 20:40:16 by [#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

Posts: 3,400 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I am enlightened.

(It is within 6000 characters but at the end of the posts, I couldn't exactly end on half a word.)









The Review/Essay
-----------------
Essentially, this is unique due to my different perpective of looking at politics. Instead of questioning socialism, I question democracy itself unlike many stories or works. And also, please do not think that I'm a communists... I am just debating and challenging the common belief of western civilisation.
(This section should go in the end but I do not have space in the second post: Words such as "bourgeois" and "aristocracy" are technical words which have no better alternatives, please do not think that I have over-done on complicated vocabulary from seeing those. Also, "mindless pigs" is a reference to the generic term of branding the rich as "pigs".)
My short story is inspired by the novel ‘Animal Farm’ by George Orwell. He dealt with the issues of socialism and communism, deliberately applying a recursive metaphor/analogy of a farm ran by the all the animals. The story then unfolds to the extent when “some are more equal than others”. And thus, it highlights the negativities of such politics. However, my piece is the exact opposite for I have utilised the analogy of Runescape and its higher class of ‘combat 138 people’ in comparison to the beggars and rundown districts of Varrock. The society in this game is obviously a form of democracy due to the Grand Exchange and a capitalist economy determined by supply and demand. I therefore highlight the gulf of rich and poor in the game before turning to reality.
I live in the United Kingdom and it is also a democratic state adopting a capitalist market. My view then focus on the skyscrapers in the horizon intended to resemble the Canary Wharf district, also know as the City which is the central hub of the UK economy.

13-Aug-2010 15:29:43 - Last edited on 15-Aug-2010 12:21:27 by [#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

[#F3XG0LQ4O]

Posts: 3,400 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
There is also a fictional council flat to emphasise my ideas of the gulf existing in reality as well. My descriptions are antonyms designed to put things in perspective likewise to “blazed” compared to “bleak”. The alliteration is deliberate. I have done the same thing again when I focus on a more personal level of individuals. The tramp and the business man have stark contrast such as “rainbow” to “jet black” and “warm… aquamarine” to “swarthy”, etc. Also, when I had mentioned that the driver passes the tramp, it is designed to show how close they are physically but the irony is that they could not be further apart.
My conclusion ends on that note that a democratic country such as the US and UK offers the tempting choice of freedom but I explicitly underline that inequality (rich & poor) is the result of boundless freedom. It oppose the conclusion of ‘Animal Farm’, where it sends the message that a communist government will eventually collapse to greed whereas mine regards how a democratic government will collapse from the widening gulf of rich and poor. There is also heavy influence from the poem “Two Scavengers in a Truck, Two Beautiful People in a Mercedes” by Lawrence Ferlinghetti.
Images I have used consist of a black tunnel and the light at the end to signify me learning the truth and escaping from ignorance or the dark. One repeated metaphor is my bold comparison of Runescape to a drug since both generate addiction and arguably hard to stop using. I then later on imagine this addiction as a physical restraint like the “leash” and the “shackles”. It is a brutal metaphor of this game but I have the aim to shock and draw the reader in. As I have mentioned before, colour is used to denote contrasts to the reader to aid them in understanding my main point that the poorer are getting poorer and the richer getting richer. The dog is intentionally focused on to pull heart strings because a sick puppy evokes powerful feelings.
Sorry that this is slightly over 1.

13-Aug-2010 15:29:50 - Last edited on 14-Aug-2010 22:22:15 by [#F3XG0LQ4O]

Dark Enmity

Dark Enmity

Posts: 2,957 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ciao is still the guild master so it would be his descision to void your entry if it over the limit. With the amount you mentioned, I will mark it regardless as that is not large of an issue for me. Though try to stay in the guidelines.

G shamsir I will respond fully to your posts once more free time has become available.

14-Aug-2010 06:32:32 - Last edited on 17-Aug-2010 20:39:52 by Dark Enmity

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