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The World in Flames 2
Quick find code: 49-50-924-57913680
Perhaps a 2,000 years >****; *Dramatic da da da DA! music goes off*
Okay...that was weird
P.S: Fik, after reading back to every sentence that Arad spoke. I believe I found the error and fixed it immediately. Thank you for telling me so I wouldn't have to face embarrassment via Ark
.
P.S.S: C'mon! I need one...more....post...until I...get...900 posts in total!
Okay...that was weird
P.S: Fik, after reading back to every sentence that Arad spoke. I believe I found the error and fixed it immediately. Thank you for telling me so I wouldn't have to face embarrassment via Ark
.
P.S.S: C'mon! I need one...more....post...until I...get...900 posts in total!
The end
is only
the beginning...
06-Dec-2008 14:41:59 - Last edited on 07-Jun-2016 23:33:31 by Serene End
Oh but woe is you the embarrassment was destined to arrive :p
I actually only found 3 errors upon my primary inspection (the Arad thing was already corrected):
Post 3, sentence 3: "His guy killed your family" should be "This guy killed your family".
Post three paragraph 2 sentence 2 "I was only saving her those evil humans" needs a "from"
Also in the first sentence "truely" is supposed to be spelled "truly"
While not necessarily an error I noticed that Mercutio is suddenly in the battle and has gained a sword (he had one 2-handed sword and a sheild in the bio :p). I don't mind him having an extra sword, just an observation.
I haven't posted too much for fear that the whole thread would be consumed with Raphael quotes but my story is coming along nicely (though not really near finished) and I don't know when it will be postable, sorry
. Also it's not written in the way my quotes are (it's more like a story instead of a play).
Oh and my third quest has been released:
The Science Fair: QFC: 80-81-239-57997617
Raphael Quotes:
Raphael: What is that awful smell?
Vexxazrin: Hello Raphael.
Raphael: Are you... Vexxazrin?
V: I am. I have been watching you for quite some time angel, I know more about you than even yourself. As a messenger of the gods you felt important, superior. You felt as if you were a part of a whole. The most frightening experience in your life was being stranded on a mountain when you were young. It was cold, you could hear wolves howling, and see their eyes peeking out from the undergrowth. You felt alone and scared, and you feel that again now. But I can change that.
Raphael: How...
Vexxazrin: Become my host.
Raphael: And be a puppet like that corpse you possess? I think not.
Vexxazrin: You would not be a puppet. You are strong willed; we would both be in control of your body. Together at all times. You would never be alone again. Safety security, power, all of this can be yours. What do you think?
Raphael: How do I start?
I actually only found 3 errors upon my primary inspection (the Arad thing was already corrected):
Post 3, sentence 3: "His guy killed your family" should be "This guy killed your family".
Post three paragraph 2 sentence 2 "I was only saving her those evil humans" needs a "from"
Also in the first sentence "truely" is supposed to be spelled "truly"
While not necessarily an error I noticed that Mercutio is suddenly in the battle and has gained a sword (he had one 2-handed sword and a sheild in the bio :p). I don't mind him having an extra sword, just an observation.
I haven't posted too much for fear that the whole thread would be consumed with Raphael quotes but my story is coming along nicely (though not really near finished) and I don't know when it will be postable, sorry
. Also it's not written in the way my quotes are (it's more like a story instead of a play).
Oh and my third quest has been released:
The Science Fair: QFC: 80-81-239-57997617
Raphael Quotes:
Raphael: What is that awful smell?
Vexxazrin: Hello Raphael.
Raphael: Are you... Vexxazrin?
V: I am. I have been watching you for quite some time angel, I know more about you than even yourself. As a messenger of the gods you felt important, superior. You felt as if you were a part of a whole. The most frightening experience in your life was being stranded on a mountain when you were young. It was cold, you could hear wolves howling, and see their eyes peeking out from the undergrowth. You felt alone and scared, and you feel that again now. But I can change that.
Raphael: How...
Vexxazrin: Become my host.
Raphael: And be a puppet like that corpse you possess? I think not.
Vexxazrin: You would not be a puppet. You are strong willed; we would both be in control of your body. Together at all times. You would never be alone again. Safety security, power, all of this can be yours. What do you think?
Raphael: How do I start?
06-Dec-2008 19:58:21 - Last edited on 06-Dec-2008 20:03:06 by Ark Von Doom
Man...I couldn't save myself from embarrassment >****;
Oh, well. Anyways, thanks again Ark.
Also, you can keep post your quotes. It doesn't bother me at all, in fact I enjoy reading them. It gives me a taste of what's to come out of your story!
w00t! 900th post on the Forum! w00t!
Oh, well. Anyways, thanks again Ark.
Also, you can keep post your quotes. It doesn't bother me at all, in fact I enjoy reading them. It gives me a taste of what's to come out of your story!
w00t! 900th post on the Forum! w00t!
The end
is only
the beginning...
06-Dec-2008 23:31:53 - Last edited on 07-Jun-2016 23:33:35 by Serene End
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