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Mod Craddock

Mod Craddock

Jagex Moderator Forum Profile Posts by user
Hi Poller5. I really like this story. ^_^ I haven't read Ardhonmeth yet. I'll probably read that story next. Happy gaming! ^_^

13-Mar-2008 07:26:56 - Last edited on 13-Mar-2008 07:27:35 by Mod Craddock

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Azzandra had to get there first, for if this was truly what he believed it to be, its value would be beyond perspicacity."

Nice vocabulary in that last word. :D


"With his magic his weapon and haste his only ally, Azzandra flew with unprecedented velocity to his destination: a depraved, poor area of Varrock."

Perhaps change 'velocity' to something else? It just doesn't seem to fit quite right and disrupts the flow. I would say 'haste' is the best word, but you've just used it in that sentence, so I don't know what to replace it with.

Well, as I've finally finished it...I like it more than Ardhonmeth. Quite a good piece of work.

The one encompassing complaint I have is that you sometimes used the same words in too close of company. Just be careful of that and also of using stray words that break the flow of the old feel your work has.

But that's about it. Great work. Did you want re-ranked at the Prose Forge?

15-Mar-2008 21:55:59 - Last edited on 15-Mar-2008 22:07:40 by Chuk

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