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Tulessëvala

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Aaaaaahhh xD

Aaaaaahhh xD

Posts: 1,102 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Good Points: Very dramatic and excellent use of vocabulary.
Weak Points: None, one thing, sometimes you used so many posh words I just stared at the screen O_o

Story Type Rating: 10/10. Tells so much for a short story.
Overall Rating: 9/10

Excellent! I can't think of much else you could put into this amazing story!
So short but so much affect and power =D

EDIT: I also liked your use of AZZANDRA *Looks left* =D


- AzzA -

20-Feb-2008 20:59:35

Patriotic Br

Patriotic Br

Posts: 4,503 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hey I'm Brent from the Ye Olde Story Guild, and I've come to give your story a review.

The plot is perfect, I can easily see it being made into a long story. Your mechanics were atrocious, there were many, many mistakes. You misused the colon and the comma a lot, you also had many repeated words; too many to count.

You had no voice whatsoever, and that did not impress me. You had little description, and I love to see description in a story. To me, a pin opens a bank, and description opens the portal to a good read that will take readers away from their seat, and right next to the characters.

I'm having a hard time deciding on what to rank you... Essayist, or Columnist I'm thinking... but I'm going to go ahead and rank you a Columnist because it held me to my seat.


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22-Feb-2008 22:17:52

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Atrocious mechanics? No, my friend, I just think you don't understand the proper usage of such things. You've supported your scathing argument with absolutely *no* examples, which you should probably have if you're going to attempt to tear a story apart.

And: description and voice? This is meant to be a *history*, my friend, in the vein of Ardhonmeth. I purposely left description out, as it would ruin the mood of the story: there are many points I could have added in extra description, but *decided* not to.

So, until you give me some examples and hard facts, I shall ever fail to take your review seriously, and it looks like you're just trying to make yourself look... What, better? by attacking my piece.

23-Feb-2008 10:28:51 - Last edited on 23-Feb-2008 10:32:02 by Poller5

Patriotic Br

Patriotic Br

Posts: 4,503 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Making myself look better..nope, just calling them as I seem them.

It would have been acceptable if you had told me it was a "Historic" thing, and not too look for voice and description.

If I offended you, I am truly sorry, don't be angry because I just found things which I didn't like.

And please don't say I can't understand the usage of mechanics, there's no reason for it

P.S. This is my first time with a Story Guild, and my first time with a new way to review. So don't get all hurt because I don't meet the standards of all the other people who have used the forums for over a few months.

I started using the forums about a year ago, then I stopped. I pretty much just started becoming active on the SF in January.


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|±‡±‡±| Through the fire and the flames we carry on |±‡±‡±|
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24-Feb-2008 00:37:30 - Last edited on 24-Feb-2008 00:44:58 by Patriotic Br

6c91921auvd

6c91921auvd

Posts: 6,147 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Alright, Geo here from the Forge.

I saw one or two spelling mistakes just about evry other post. Most of the time you forgot to put a final letter on a word, nothing spell-check won't fix.

Grammer was ok for the most par although I did see a few sentences that need to be re-worded.

As for the plot itself I had to force myself to buy parts of it. Exuse my religous inaccuracy if I get this wrong but is Zaros not a demi-God, and Guthix and Company full out Gods? Now going by the old Grecian god definition gods can't be killed, they can be trapped as you demenstrated with guthix but killed no.

Everything else I liked, for the most part. Although I would have liked a discription of the Gods fighting.

As you are already in the Prose Forge with your other tale, this was for a advancment shot. Unfortunatly as of now you're still missing that little edge for Crafter.

More description of action scenes and fixing the few mechanical errors would most likely bump you up to Crafter

Good Luck

Geo The Arch

~Smithy Master of The Prose Forge~

24-Feb-2008 03:51:34 - Last edited on 24-Feb-2008 04:01:17 by 6c91921auvd

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