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Tulessëvala
Quick find code: 49-50-90-55731620
Poller, in all seriousness, send this and Ardhonmeth to Jagex seeing if they can add it to the lores and histories section. This is...well, I can only think of understatements =*
Of course, technical issues: The dessert, alone of the civilized areas, remained free of Saradomin's grasp. - Don't you mean 'the desert', or 'the deserts'? I'm fairly sure you're not talking about ice-cream and cakes, at least XD
The power it emanated was potent; Azzandra felt it most potently - annoying repetition of potent.
The distance to the door closed before him, and as his hand descended to open the ancient entrance; his attentions diverted to beings behind him. - Misuse of semi-colon. It should be a comma
and did battle with Armadyl, who's only weapon was his staff. - 'who's' should be 'whose'. Possessive pronoun is whose, who's is who is.
Those very few, very marginal, technical issues aside, I can say that I really, really loved this story =) Along with Ardhonmeth, it's most definitely your best work
I love how you make Saradomin's rule seem evil, and Azzanandra's rule of the des(* **)ert seem good
Of course, technical issues: The dessert, alone of the civilized areas, remained free of Saradomin's grasp. - Don't you mean 'the desert', or 'the deserts'? I'm fairly sure you're not talking about ice-cream and cakes, at least XD
The power it emanated was potent; Azzandra felt it most potently - annoying repetition of potent.
The distance to the door closed before him, and as his hand descended to open the ancient entrance; his attentions diverted to beings behind him. - Misuse of semi-colon. It should be a comma
and did battle with Armadyl, who's only weapon was his staff. - 'who's' should be 'whose'. Possessive pronoun is whose, who's is who is.
Those very few, very marginal, technical issues aside, I can say that I really, really loved this story =) Along with Ardhonmeth, it's most definitely your best work
I love how you make Saradomin's rule seem evil, and Azzanandra's rule of the des(* **)ert seem good
18-Feb-2008 22:55:01
Very nice story
. Gotta like the way it's written
. Sounds alot like a prophecy like Arodonmeth (sorry I spelt it wrong >.> ).
. Gotta like the way it's written
. Sounds alot like a prophecy like Arodonmeth (sorry I spelt it wrong >.> ).
19-Feb-2008 17:41:00 - Last edited on 19-Feb-2008 17:41:33 by Smok Taunter
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