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--You are quite right.
“He was always busy, but he never forgot to say 'hi', through private messages, as soon as I was available to talk.”
Here you should quote like this: “…never forgot to say, *hi,* through private messages…” Oh, and the comma after messages doesn’t need to be there since it splits up the phrase. I feel a trend.
--Having the comma inside the quotation is a characteristic distinct to American English which I will not adopt in my writing under any circumstances
. The comma after it offers the pause.
“…pungent buckets of compost and filthy worms came to life and became vivid in my mind, when Farming was mentioned.”
Comma doesn’t need to be there.
--The comma is there to indicate that this sentence worked like Yoda’s grammar.
“Some children preferred hanging around in a smaller group, seeking genuine soulmates and studied together in the library, consulting each other for academic knowledge, or advancement.”
Right here, you have some tense issues. “Studied,” should be, “studying,” because you need to keep the tenses the same. “Seeking,” and, “studied,” are two different tenses.
--Studying is indeed correct here.
“He always had his hood up in school, hoping to be seen by nobody, despite his teachers repeatedly instructed him to remove it in lessons, which to his dismay only drew more attention from his classmates.”
This sentence doesn’t make sense structurally. “Instructed,” should be in the -ing tense. The -ed tense doesn’t fit well here. Also, commas should be between, “to his dismay,” due to it being a break in the phrase. It’s like the odd one out.
--You’re right about the tense. I left the comma out because I wanted this phrase to flow onto the next.
“It was by chance, that David caught Alex spying on him, and to Alex’s horror he looked up and threw a frown in his direction.”
The comma after, “chance,” shouldn’t be there because it interrupts a phrase. Also, there should be a comma between, “to Alex’s horror.”
“He was always busy, but he never forgot to say 'hi', through private messages, as soon as I was available to talk.”
Here you should quote like this: “…never forgot to say, *hi,* through private messages…” Oh, and the comma after messages doesn’t need to be there since it splits up the phrase. I feel a trend.
--Having the comma inside the quotation is a characteristic distinct to American English which I will not adopt in my writing under any circumstances
. The comma after it offers the pause.
“…pungent buckets of compost and filthy worms came to life and became vivid in my mind, when Farming was mentioned.”
Comma doesn’t need to be there.
--The comma is there to indicate that this sentence worked like Yoda’s grammar.
“Some children preferred hanging around in a smaller group, seeking genuine soulmates and studied together in the library, consulting each other for academic knowledge, or advancement.”
Right here, you have some tense issues. “Studied,” should be, “studying,” because you need to keep the tenses the same. “Seeking,” and, “studied,” are two different tenses.
--Studying is indeed correct here.
“He always had his hood up in school, hoping to be seen by nobody, despite his teachers repeatedly instructed him to remove it in lessons, which to his dismay only drew more attention from his classmates.”
This sentence doesn’t make sense structurally. “Instructed,” should be in the -ing tense. The -ed tense doesn’t fit well here. Also, commas should be between, “to his dismay,” due to it being a break in the phrase. It’s like the odd one out.
--You’re right about the tense. I left the comma out because I wanted this phrase to flow onto the next.
“It was by chance, that David caught Alex spying on him, and to Alex’s horror he looked up and threw a frown in his direction.”
The comma after, “chance,” shouldn’t be there because it interrupts a phrase. Also, there should be a comma between, “to Alex’s horror.”
08-May-2011 15:48:22
The comma after, “scheme,” should be a semicolon.
--Yes, I think a semicolon works here.
“‘Please, can we just sit here – I hurt my toe,’ Jenna claimed, preposterously. ‘I can’t walk today.’”
A question mark is missing here.
--Yes, it is.
“It was never meant to last. It was fun, and that was all it was, a joke.”
The comma after, “was,” should be a colon. “A joke,” is a statement referring to what the relationship between David and Jenna is.
--Colon works nicely here, I think.
*It was all meaningless now, the parties, the mansion, and the time he spent.”
The comma after, “now,* should be a colon.
--And here.
----------------
Once again, thank you. Your comments have been helpful and insightful. I hope it didn't take too much time off your studies
Azigarath - that's because you shut off your emotions!
--Yes, I think a semicolon works here.
“‘Please, can we just sit here – I hurt my toe,’ Jenna claimed, preposterously. ‘I can’t walk today.’”
A question mark is missing here.
--Yes, it is.
“It was never meant to last. It was fun, and that was all it was, a joke.”
The comma after, “was,” should be a colon. “A joke,” is a statement referring to what the relationship between David and Jenna is.
--Colon works nicely here, I think.
*It was all meaningless now, the parties, the mansion, and the time he spent.”
The comma after, “now,* should be a colon.
--And here.
----------------
Once again, thank you. Your comments have been helpful and insightful. I hope it didn't take too much time off your studies
Azigarath - that's because you shut off your emotions!
08-May-2011 15:49:58 - Last edited on 08-May-2011 15:50:44 by Englishkid62
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