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*Watches Caydock runs off happily*

*Awfully silent now*
He's all grown up now! A head reviewer in TNG! *Shed happy tear*

26-Apr-2010 00:58:54

Just re-read again
Simply wonderful (no other words!)

26-Apr-2010 01:11:11

Really?
Found anything new?

26-Apr-2010 01:22:48

26-Apr-2010 01:25:35

I skimmed certain parts and corrected one error

26-Apr-2010 01:27:32

I write too quickly without the use of a spell checker or grammar checker thingy- but I particularly like poetic writing in terms of description or something seemingly drawn from real experience- the latter being why I was drawn to your story in the first place (even if it is ficticious- that's why it reads so well)

26-Apr-2010 01:34:21

English is my second language so I suppose something inevitably slips through. I catch new errors every time I read this lol.
But at least, all the writing devices are still in working order each time I do that
I'm guessing you've probably read this 4 times by now? I always imagined that I used two different tones for this story, one of which is my new one, and the other an old one I've used for 4 years. I always imagined that my new tone is at the beginning about this noob being ice barraged, and my old tone being the part beginning "But he is somebody you know."
I don't know, I just think switching between the two tones I changed the colour around a bit. Dunno what you think though

26-Apr-2010 01:39:25

English is my second tongue too
If you like I could read this again but from a critical perspective (this will take me some time to do properly)- I would not be especially looking at grammatical errors but more in terms in overall impact how the piece might be effective- but my views are simply that, views.
If you would like me to do so English I would be honoured.
I would look at each verb used in each sentence could be more effective, how description might impact on the overall structure and loosely speaking, how certain lines could be constructed to provide more impact- pretty similar to what you have done for my first chapter.
If you would welcome the same let me know and I will do my best to comment (I am not a reviewer, but just someone who has written many things (IRL) and if I can help the least I can do is offer)

26-Apr-2010 01:51:14

26-Apr-2010 01:59:01

Okay I will do my limited best
I am not Yrolg (who is appreciated- amazing), but I will look at this from a critical vantage point and do my best English- it will take me a few days
What did you mean byw about the points I raised?
^^ using text speak how awful my apologies

26-Apr-2010 02:04:11