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Echoes of the Gods

Quick find code: 49-50-885-60972658

Graydon
Sep Member 2023

Graydon

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Oh noes Chuck you ruined it! I hadn't even realized there was more to it! I think I stopped reading after I gave you that edit! I didn't even know his father was alive! it's all coming back to me now.. the battle at Relnor.. the Academy, like a trance o.o
Rewrite naow pl0x :p

25-Mar-2011 23:55:48

Orbestro
Nov Member 2023

Orbestro

Posts: 14,122 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I just feel it's a cliffhanger since its a last-minute revelation, and now I'll have to wait a good while to see what happens next. There isn't anything really wrong with it, I just personally don't like cliffhangers :P Anything that feels like the author is taking advantage of me is irksome.
In the revised prologue - 'housed' should be 'houses'. That's in the second paragraph, I think. It's awesome by the way :D
~ O_o rbie
Lorehound
through and through.

27-Mar-2011 04:04:24

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You're only allowed in that corner if you come out of it to read as I post the rewrite. Otherwise, stay out! And...
It was Chapter Thirteen. Had to go look just to be sure. Here's the passage. Maybe it'll ring a bell:
- -- - -- - -- -
He paused, and weakly tried to raise his hand. It never left the floor, but the effort left him wheezing. Keryz gripped his comrade’s shoulder, opposite the wound, waiting. Finally, conquering his breath, Gertari managed to continue, his speech broken and barely audible.
“Relnor…your kid form Relnor…his father…he still lives…We pulled him out. Somewhere in the North, now*Erafae Chaelom.”
Again he coughed, this time stopping only for death. So he passed, shrouded in fitful orange light in the depths of a stronghold of both enemy and lord. Keryz pulled Gertari’s cloak over his cold features and left him on the floor. Then he turned and strode away, never looking back.

28-Mar-2011 09:14:14 - Last edited on 28-Mar-2011 09:16:20 by Chuk

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