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Natsu Altiva

Natsu Altiva

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It's a bit rough but considering I haven't done this in quite awhile...

Also, I mainly concentrated on his appearance and not so much on major details but I didn't reall know quite how to intro. I'll add the other various details in my next few posts and you can tell me at anytime if there acceptable or not.

I'm not hard to get along with.
Normal is an illusion.
What's normal to the spider, Is chaos to the the fly.

14-Jul-2015 00:26:27 - Last edited on 14-Jul-2015 00:34:30 by Natsu Altiva

NotFishing

NotFishing

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Annie1227 said :
Annie said looked shocked to see the small ring richly adorned by jewels and a silver seal of Averham,"wow I never saw anything that beautiful before. I don't know any information on that. I am sorry." Then all of sudden fire came out of hands all over the place. After a few mins later she faint and had burns all over her body.

Jim was in shock what just happen to help her daughter. She saw her burns on her body. He got a full bucket of water and brought it to her daughter and started to take care of her wounds. He knows he needs to find someone to teach Annie to have control over our powers. So he decided to contact the Court Wizard to teach her. He sent a Messenger to the court wizard.

The messenger got to the The Wizard Tower and knocked on the door to give the message that Jim gave him.


Okay Annie, stop. You can't just do that.

First of all, Jim is literally mid-conversation with someone. Now he has to treat Annie's wounds. Then has to actually go out and find a messenger first, since he has no personal one. That would take several minutes at best. And you're interrupting whatever's going on with Azrael. What is he doing in that time?

Secondly, if fire burst out of her hands "all over the place" for several minutes, it would burn a lot more than just her. Plus, if burns were all over her entire body it would take a lot more than a bucket of water to heal her, and she would be permanently scarred.

And then Jim immediately jumps to the conclusion of "She has powers! She must control them." And immediately sends someone to the Wizard Tower, quickly getting over the fact that his daughter was on fire.

You can have Annie burst into flames if you want, but you can't immediately jump to all that other stuff. Azrael is still there. Give West a chance to have him react. Give Jim a reaction other than shock - how about fear of losing his daughter?
Beneath the gold, the Bitter Steel.

14-Jul-2015 01:09:58

NotFishing

NotFishing

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Give Jim some time before he decides she needs to go to the Wizard Tower. He has, after all, been setting her up to be part of The Organization for her entire life.

In three paragraphs you went from discussing something with someone else's character to sending a messenger to the Wizard Tower, and the two events aren't even related.
Beneath the gold, the Bitter Steel.

14-Jul-2015 01:11:12 - Last edited on 14-Jul-2015 01:12:14 by NotFishing

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