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† The Spite of the People †

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[#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

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Table of Contents

Chapter One: Zurik Odracek
- Page 1, #3-5, 9-10
- Page 2, #1-3
Chapter Two: The Rebels
- Page 2, #4-5
- Page 3, #2-6
Chapter Three: Malik Ivanim's Uprising
- Page 3, #7-10
- Page 4, #10
- Page 5, #1-2
- Page 6, #1-2
- Page 7, #2-7
Chapter Four: To Each His Own Path
- Page 8, #7-9
- Page 9, #5-9
- Page 10, #3-5
Chapter Five: His Leadership Challenged
- Page 10, #7-10
- Page 11, #1, 7-10
- Page 12, #1, 4-5, 10
- Page 13, #1-2
Chapter Six: Back to the Origin
- Page 15, #4-5
- Page 19, #3-6
- Page 20, #3-6
Chapter Seven: The Ammon Clan in Karamja
- Page 20, #9-10
- Page 21, #1-3, 6-8
- Page 22, #4-8
Chapter Eight: Jenke's Death-Wish
- Page 23, #8-9
-
Total Story Posts: 81

Quote below taken from the Game Guide Manual

11-Jul-2010 02:54:38 - Last edited on 24-Feb-2011 01:55:41 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"The location is ideal for a city: it sits astride major trading routes, with all the resources of Misthalin at its disposal. It is quite natural that Varrock would be considered among the most powerful and important cities in the world."

Chapter One: Zurik Odracek
Passing between the crowds of people flocking to the streets of Varrock, Zurik Odracek used his additional height over the others to scan the area around him. His gaze ignored the many faces in the crowd, seeking out instead those in the typical Varrock Royal Family guard uniform. There were a few of them scattered in the crowd, but he could not kill them with so many people around.
That would be like suicide.
He walked beyond the guardsmen he’d spotted, full of regret. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breathing was heavy. He had a passion for what he did, and he could wait no longer to kill those who’d caused Varrock’s recent, desperate sufferings. He did not mind that he was alone in his venture right now, though. Great leaders required initiative and decision-making. Others would follow eventually.
Entering the much more open plaza area in the center of the large city, Zurik stopped and looked around again. He could now search without having a constant arm or shoulder brushing up against him, as it had been in the side-streets. That wasn’t to say that the plaza wasn’t also packed, but he could work with these smaller crowds.
His hand moved to his waist, legs now moving again. His gloved fingers wrapped nonchalantly around the small hilt of a sheathed dagger and he carefully approached a guard unfortunate enough to be dozing off at his post. Leaning up against a nearby house with his arms crossed, the guard would soon have a rude awakening.

11-Jul-2010 02:55:02 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2010 01:56:30 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Within range, Zurik’s dagger lashed out from its sheath. In an instant, blade met the soft flesh between the guard’s collar bones and disappeared up to the hilt within it. The guard shot awake full of pain and gargling, but reacted too slowly. With an easy thrust, Zurik’s dagger ripped through his carotid arteries, as well as other blood vessels. He quickly followed through by knocking the guard to the ground, using his own leg to trip the guard. Then, quickly sheathing his bloody dagger, he walked away. The guard clutched at his throat and choked on blood for the final minute of his life, before he would return to his nap again. Forever.
People were swift to notice, but Zurik had faded into the crowd and now made his way into the courtyard of the castle. That was only a warm-up for what was to come.
“Hey, you!” one of two door guards shouted at Zurik as he approached them. “What business do you have –“
They had let Zurik get too close before drawing their weapons. Zurik pulled out his dagger and, like a flash, sliced it at the guard’s neck. However, he missed his target, the jugular vein, and his blade hit the helmet instead. The force of the blow sent the dagger flying in the opposite direction.
The other guard had his sword drawn in an instant and raised it high, amateur-style, before slicing it downwards. Zurik easily sidestepped the blade, making it miss completely and recoil off of the ground. Then he turned around, with his back against the man, and took the guard’s wrist in his hand. He twisted the arm with such power that the sword fell from his grasp to a clatter on the cobblestone.

11-Jul-2010 02:55:41 - Last edited on 11-Jul-2010 15:56:53 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The first guard was thinking that this unwelcome visitor was finished, using both hands to ram his longsword into Zurik. However, an agile drop to the ground turned the tide of the fight completely. The sword easily pierced through the chainmail of his partner at the velocity that he’d charged with it. Blade disappeared into the other guard’s abdomen, but only for a moment. The crimson-stained blade quickly poked through the backside and shattered the mail again. Both men gasped, and the second grabbed the blade with so much fear that the palms of his hands cut and bled as well.
On the ground, Zurik reached over and grabbed the fallen sword. Then, he turned and thrust it into the leg of the unharmed guard. He pulled it back out at bone and chopped again. And again. And again, until the guard lost his balance and tumbled over Zurik’s head. The other guard dropped to his knees with the sword in his gut, coughing up blood and vomiting everywhere. Zurik got to his feet fast and stood over the first guard. With his boot on the man’s back, he used leverage and the sword’s blade to rip halfway through his neck. Striking vertebrae, he pulled the sword back out and then left them behind, entering the castle doors, now without conflict.

11-Jul-2010 02:56:07 - Last edited on 11-Jul-2010 05:14:49 by [#L6BVCL43M]

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
This looks to be rather interesting. Rather reminded me of Assassin's Creed if I may say so, but you definitely got right into the action. That should keep a reader entertained.
The one criticism I have is that you use a little too much 'tell' rather than 'show' description. An example:
--Zurik was much more skilled than this man and easily avoided the blade.--
Don't tell us Zurik is more skilled, show us. Write how he dodge the blade, whether he leaped away or casually leaned aside. These subtleties sometimes make all the difference in the world in how well you hold the reader's interest.

11-Jul-2010 07:24:07

[#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Strolling through the halls, Zurik’s stolen sword dripped blood across the carpet. His right hand was gripped tightly around it, and with his left hand he pulled down his hood. He would need to be able to see from all angles now. Things were getting serious.
He knew exactly where he was going, where to stop and wait, and where to hide as he went his way through the castle. He’d planned this invasion for many weeks beforehand; he wasn’t just mindlessly killing the guards.
After waiting behind a corner for one guard to pass by, he slipped behind him and raised his sword a little. Then, with one swift motion from behind, he slit the guard’s throat again. The frightened man clutched at his neck with both hands and began dropping to the floor. With a quick reaction, Zurik caught him before he collided loudly with the floor and then guided him down. Then, he left the guard to die in his own cold blood on the floor, heading up the stairs that he’d been guarding.
Sneaking upwards, Zurik peeked over the top of the stairs to make sure he wouldn’t be spotted. However, he saw just what he’d came to see, rather than just another guard to kill. He smirked and walked up the last few steps. Turning away from the staircase, his final objective stood on the rooftop outside, just ten yards or so through the open doorway.
“The time has come, Athos,” Zurik said loudly through the doorway, his voice a low, husky type. The guard known as Athos went on high-alert the instant he heard Zurik’s voice. His sword was drawn and his body was turned facing Zurik in an instant, ready for battle. Athos saw that Zurik’s own sword was dripping blood, obviously from a recent kill.

11-Jul-2010 17:41:48 - Last edited on 15-Jul-2010 19:18:07 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“Zurik, this isn’t the right way!” Athos responded boldly. He seemed to be holding on to a hope that Zurik wasn’t going to fight, just talk, but he was prepared regardless.
“It’s the only way,” replied Zurik as he slowly walked closer to Athos. “Ever since you joined the Varrock guard. That was the end of all rationality.”
“You’re the one who’s turned his back on the clan, Zurik. We’re just –“
Zurik’s voice peaked at a max. “I’m keeping our clan’s blood pure! You should know very well why we’re not supposed to mix with the humankind! You all have sacrificed the pride of the clan, and joining with that idiot Roald is the very reason why we’re doing what we’re doing!”
“So killing everyone who disagrees with your view is the right thing to do, huh?”
Zurik’s knuckles turned white with tension as he gripped the sword’s hilt. He glared at Athos and responded with a lower, but still angry voice. “You’re a wretched half-blood, Athos. You don’t deserve to call yourself an Ammon.”
“But I’ll fix that now!"
Zurik leapt at Athos, sword raised to the sky, and slashed downwards at his shoulder. Athos jumped back, but Zurik pressed forward, driving another strike back upwards at him. Athos quickly parried the sword with his own, but found Zurik’s strength overwhelming as their swords clashed. Athos swiftly pulled his own sword away and jumped back to avoid a follow-through.
"There’s no way that I can beat him alone," Athos thought to himself. "But, did he kill *all* of the guards?"

11-Jul-2010 17:42:33 - Last edited on 15-Jul-2010 19:28:22 by [#L6BVCL43M]

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