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[#L6BVCL43M]

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Zurik aggressively pushed Athos back with a series of blocked and dodged sword strikes. Unfortunately, Athos didn't realize until the last minute that Zurik was actually pushing him to the edge of the rooftop. As his foot nearly fell right over the last ledge, Athos looked over his shoulder and saw his death tens of feet below. He quickly turned back and ducked just in time, avoiding a powerful horizontal swing. However, Zurik stepped forward and shoved Athos, pushing him over the edge completely. His legs slipped over rock and dropped like lightning over the edge of the rooftop. His fingers grabbed for everything, anything, and luckily managed to save him from falling. His knees struck the side of the wall hard, nearly knocking loose his grip, but he held on. Looking up, Zurik was standing over him, looking down. His boot was on Athos’ fingers, not yet crushing them into submission, but was prepared to.

“Zurik! There *is* another way!” Athos cried out. “Don’t do this!”

“I’m tired of hearing that cocky voice of yours. Say hello to Zamorak for me, will you?”

Zurik pressed his foot down against Athos’ fingers and felt the small bones snapping inside of them.

Then a bolt entered and protruded through his shoulder, sending a yell of pain to jolt from Zurik’s throat. Athos’ left hand’s fingers broke under the intense pressure Zurik’s boot pressed down onto them, and the arm fell to his side when Zurik turned and saw the archer guard who’d shot him. Athos started to swing back and forth, barely hanging on with his right hand. His fingers were beginning to slip on the ledge as well.

"I don’t have much longer," he realized with fear.

11-Jul-2010 17:43:07 - Last edited on 21-Feb-2011 01:09:16 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Zurik reached around to his right shoulder and jerked the bolt out of his robe. Blood slowly oozed from the wound, but he ignored it for now. Instead, he charged at the archer just as he was loading another bolt onto his crossbow. This blind charge was a dumb idea though; the archer had enough time and launched a swift bolt straight into the chest of the swordsman. It deadened him momentarily and caused his eyes to go through intense tunnel vision. When his sight returned, he was on his knees, panting hard. Looking up, he saw that the archer guard was aiming his loaded crossbow directly at his head.

"Do you really think this is over?" Zurik smirked.

The archer placed his finger over the trigger of the bow and pulled to shoot the bolt. It ripped forward, but shot diagonally. It missed Zurik and landed just to the right of him, even at such a short distance.

Rising to his feet, Zurik turned his hands palms-up and glared at the archer. He dropped the crossbow and his body froze up tightly. His expression changed to a look of fear and pain, but he was completely still. Zurik stood and looked at him, hands still raised.

“Foolish soldier,” said Zurik, with his voice hoarse and thin. “You’ve made me actually resort to using this.”

11-Jul-2010 17:43:40 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2010 18:29:59 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

The archer’s frightened eyes slowly fell to Zurik’s hands, their last sight being the open palms closing suddenly. Then, two large indentations appeared on the archer’s body, one being on the middle of his chest and the other over his stomach. Inside of his body, the organs imploded from these two spots, heart and stomach first. The surrounding organs and tissues followed, as if being sucked into a black hole. After a few seconds, the archer’s entire torso from the outside looked like a wrinkled raisin. Then Zurik’s hands reopened and the body dropped limply to the floor. Blood burst like a fountain from his mouth, ears, and nose, pooling all around his lifeless body.

Zurik turned around and walked over to the ledge. He was surprised, though, when Athos’ hand was no longer hanging on to it. Upon looking down, he was even more shocked that there was no sign at all that Athos had even fallen.

"He couldn’t have pulled himself up with one hand," Zurik pondered. "But where did he go?"

11-Jul-2010 17:44:13 - Last edited on 31-Jul-2010 18:32:51 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter Two: The Rebels

*Ten years earlier*

“Athos! You’re home!” a young boy cried out as his older brother came through the front door. He jumped to his feet and rushed at Athos, tackling him into a hug at his waist. Athos laughed and patted his little brother’s messy, dark mop of hair.

“Come on, Sabas, I just got home! I’ve been working all day!” Athos told him, playfully pushing him away. He looked across the room and met eyes with his mother, who stood at the stove preparing dinner.

“Is your father staying late?” she asked, receiving a short nod from Athos.

“Yeah,” Athos confirmed, sitting down at the dining table. He relaxed for a moment, sliding his hands through his brown hair. It fell right back down, mostly straight-like, and stopped right above his eyebrows. After he yawned rather loudly, he smiled and continued with, “and, actually, I think he’s getting promoted tonight.”

Her arm stopped mid-stir and she turned to Athos, eyes wide.

“You mean… to captain?” she asked quietly, but with excitement permeating through her voice.

Athos nodded and turned to Sabas, who was taking a seat next to him at the table. The young kid looked up at his older brother and grinned.

“I’m gonna be a Varrock guard just like you and Father when I grow up!”

**********

Later that night, Athos laid in bed, pondering different aspects of life and trying to get to sleep. It was during mid-thought that his abdomen suddenly clenched up. He bent over in pain, falling out of his bed with a large crash. Blood erupted from his mouth with a violent cough and he rolled over onto his side, a tear forming from one eye. His mother rushed into the room instantly.

“Athos, are you - OH!” she cried, hands over her mouth when she saw the scene. She quickly turned in the doorway and shouted for her husband. “Biron! Bring the medicine! Hurry!”

13-Jul-2010 00:17:52 - Last edited on 21-Jul-2010 22:51:03 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Athos’ parents had him lay flat on his back, despite the pain. Then his father pinned down both of his arms while his mother grinded together a mix of herbs and water in a mortar. Kneeling by his head, she pulled up his chin and forced the finished concoction down his throat. It was bitter, spicy, and vomit-inducing, but he knew he had to swallow it. Once it reached his stomach, though, his entire body shook and broke out into tremors. His father held him down tighter, making sure he couldn’t move his arms. The pain was overwhelming for Athos, so much so that suicidal thoughts began to enter his mind quickly. He couldn’t bear it, he just wanted out of it.

And after a few minutes, Athos’ body was still again. His breathing was deep and long, and almost immediately, he fell asleep. His parents then relaxed a little and sighed.

“This is all my fault,” Athos’ mother whispered sadly, wiping away the sweat on her son’s forehead.

“No it isn’t, dear,” her husband responded. He brought an arm over her shoulders and helped her to her feet. “He just forgot to take the medicine, that’s all."

"But why should they both have to take medicine for the rest of their lives just because of me? It’s not fair to them!” she insisted, slowly getting louder.

“Shh... Let’s talk about it another time, alright? I have to work early tomorrow morning.”

She sighed and agreed by committing to silence. However, she hadn’t given up her case.

It’s all my fault, she thought to herself, all of it - my fault.

--------------------

13-Jul-2010 00:18:40 - Last edited on 15-Jul-2010 19:32:38 by [#L6BVCL43M]

[#SKZPQMZTB]

Posts: 2,029 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Hey Rs, looking great -- excellent in fact. I love it. One thing I'd advise on is your repitition: you're using "however" a little too often to start a sentence, expecially during combat scenes. I have this same urge all the time. Otherwise, very good story.

13-Jul-2010 00:42:03

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Haha yes I realize it... I'm bad about it, but I have very few other words I can use in place of however. And if I just take it out, the sentences clash and don't flow well. But I can see your point in how I overuse them in action scenes.

13-Jul-2010 00:52:05

[#SKZPQMZTB]

Posts: 2,029 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Get a little creative. For example, instead of

"However, Athos did*’t realize until the last minute that Zurik was actually pushing him to the edge of the rooftop"

You could say:

"Unfortunately, Athos did*’t realize until the last minute that Zurik was actually pushing him to the edge of the rooftop"

13-Jul-2010 00:59:32

[#L6BVCL43M]

Posts: 4,026 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I might have to make a little notebook of words to use instead of however.

Thanks. I'll do that.

13-Jul-2010 01:23:17

Green Kill67

Posts: 7,035 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

You asked me to review your thread but I regret that I can't.

It seems you have been on the stories forum for a while now and my thread is to help new users. But even if I can't review this I'll still say that I liked the story.

Best of luck.

13-Jul-2010 03:48:35

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