The first one!: Well I must say it took me a while to get this one. Nothing agaisnt the story it just takes a bit for you to tell the reader what happened. I like how you involve cats. Cats are cool. And I must say I do like the like the line, "wonder if you have a seasoned sardine?”, excatly what I cat would say.
Short Number 2: Definatly shorter (or I just read faster) anyways more of a romance on, kinda hard to say as its short. Happy ending though.
Bleeding Love: Now this one was quite short, but not to bad. Thought I really don't have too many commets on this one.
Frog: Ok this one made me laugh, its been said. But I quite like it.
THE NEXT ONE: Now that is a cold-hearted knight. Thought being ambushed by a clan reminds me of a certain W.N.O. Anyways yes quite nice, he starts torturing people. Wait he's a bloody Reverant? Remind me to finish him off later
Nice on though.
Mother's Vengance: Ok little peom, kinda cool how you continue the Short's on with another short.
And the rest shall be finished later.
02-Nov-2009 02:01:12
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02-Nov-2009 12:19:10
by
Tava60
The first one I agree it needs some work still, Dream has made some recommendations and I am still messing with it.
I liked Mr. Frog too.
Edit:
W.N.O. ?? I don't know what that is. The clan ambush was to explain how the knight became a rev. and it was from stories my friends used to tell me of the "old wild"
Feliz
03-Nov-2009 02:51:35
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03-Nov-2009 02:56:34
by
Leela Feliz
You don't know what a W.N.O. is? Well its a Writer's Night Out we do down at the "Word" must say i'm surprised I thought you would of known what that was. And the reason it reminded me of it because Paccy had us all race to the Wilderness Volcanoe, then switch to a Pvp World where alot of us died.
Yes I had a feeling that was it. But anyways sorry I had a Boy Scout meeting so I was unable to continue, anyways here we go to the next one.
The next one!: Not a bad one. No commets on it, though not really much to say. One little thing is I found a error in the afterword you had on this one. You said "protion" which I'm sure was suppose to be portion.
You should really make titles for these, its not neccesary, but in my opinion it is better. Just work on that if you have time.
The Next Next One: An orphan? Man haven't seen one of those in Runescape, since.. well.. now! Well this is funny, "Gallent Varrock castle guard" don't know what's so special about being killed all the time
Well good short anyways, kinda reminded of a prologue for a story (not that it was copyright, just I thought it could be)
2008: Yeah not bad, feel sorry for poor little Boomer.
Jan. 2009: One commet. Nice one.
Feb. 2009: Yeah nice and dandy this one.
Now I know i'm not finsihed, but I think I already did most of whats left, and I'm going to bed now. I had a nice time reviewing this.
03-Nov-2009 22:56:07
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04-Nov-2009 01:59:09
by
Tava60
Well, I haven't read everything, but what I have is good. Your writing style has definately improved in my opinion between your first submission and your later works. I would have read everything, but, as I said in my thread, it's late and I have to go soon. I will, however be back later to finish. Keep up the good work.