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Kall Of The Karamthulhu.
Quick find code: 49-50-819-59405925
I hope you'll enjoy it.
27-Dec-2010 04:36:06
Read up to and finished page 14, and I am enjoying the story
you style of description is so much cleaner than mine.
I found a few things a bit odd though. The girl Azura is like a childish whelp but was able to kill a Kalphite Queen?
When Ko escapes on ship, the slaves know how to use cannons? Profesional sailors would know how much gunpowder to use, and how to pack the powder using a ramrod, and the amount of gunpowder and how to use it varied upon distance and the weight of the projjectile.
Too little gunpowder, and the cannon would not shoot, and if the powder was packed too tightly, it would not ignite, and sometimes cannons would just explode.
And we have worhsippers dancing and celebrating under the sea, underwater or something?
Anyways none of that matters because its your story and my opinion doesnt matter.
Guess I'm just too grumpy and stubborn to accept other points of realism.
well, this is all the time I have for now because I read this story while typing chapter 16 of part 2, so I mightve misunderstood something.
I liked the names Azura and Aazzi, because both are similar to my own username.
other than any of that the story combines multiple themes and is very hard to deduce, so I can only guess what happens.
that's all for now, so until next time.
ps
my internet is so bad for some reason now *:<
you style of description is so much cleaner than mine.
I found a few things a bit odd though. The girl Azura is like a childish whelp but was able to kill a Kalphite Queen?
When Ko escapes on ship, the slaves know how to use cannons? Profesional sailors would know how much gunpowder to use, and how to pack the powder using a ramrod, and the amount of gunpowder and how to use it varied upon distance and the weight of the projjectile.
Too little gunpowder, and the cannon would not shoot, and if the powder was packed too tightly, it would not ignite, and sometimes cannons would just explode.
And we have worhsippers dancing and celebrating under the sea, underwater or something?
Anyways none of that matters because its your story and my opinion doesnt matter.
Guess I'm just too grumpy and stubborn to accept other points of realism.
well, this is all the time I have for now because I read this story while typing chapter 16 of part 2, so I mightve misunderstood something.
I liked the names Azura and Aazzi, because both are similar to my own username.
other than any of that the story combines multiple themes and is very hard to deduce, so I can only guess what happens.
that's all for now, so until next time.
ps
my internet is so bad for some reason now *:<
28-Dec-2010 22:26:46 - Last edited on 28-Dec-2010 22:29:35 by Azigarath
Oooh hey. *shuffles through bag* *takes out gold star*
That's for leaving me the most in depth message to reply to.
Let's see, it's been a while but I believe Azura only lead the brothers to the KQ, and didn't slay it alone.
As for the cannons... well. Fair point. Perhaps other slaves were intelligent like Ko was? I can say if you read on more, more of his escape is detailed later on.
Yep, a celebration under the sea. It will make more sense later.
And I do enjoy opinions, alot actually. I'd be more than happy to hear any other comments you have.
And internet will randomly stab you in the back. It's just what it does.
That's for leaving me the most in depth message to reply to.
Let's see, it's been a while but I believe Azura only lead the brothers to the KQ, and didn't slay it alone.
As for the cannons... well. Fair point. Perhaps other slaves were intelligent like Ko was? I can say if you read on more, more of his escape is detailed later on.
Yep, a celebration under the sea. It will make more sense later.
And I do enjoy opinions, alot actually. I'd be more than happy to hear any other comments you have.
And internet will randomly stab you in the back. It's just what it does.
29-Dec-2010 19:19:27 - Last edited on 29-Dec-2010 19:20:10 by Baron Ogre
Oh, I see, makes much more sense now.
I shouldve guessed that more would make sense eventaully, and that the characters don't go adventuring by themselves, kind of evident that theyre all good freinds in the first place.
as for cannons, I guess I had a fair point, but then again I'd imagine that the boat-fight would last more than just a few minutes.
just a thought, captains would try to capture other ships rather than try to sink them, so in that case maybe the slaves had an advantage
anyways, I have to get ready for work tomorrow morning, and then again on sunday, so I might have more time to read next week-ish.
of course I like the story, certianly gives me a break from my usual ideas and all, so until next time or so.
I shouldve guessed that more would make sense eventaully, and that the characters don't go adventuring by themselves, kind of evident that theyre all good freinds in the first place.
as for cannons, I guess I had a fair point, but then again I'd imagine that the boat-fight would last more than just a few minutes.
just a thought, captains would try to capture other ships rather than try to sink them, so in that case maybe the slaves had an advantage
anyways, I have to get ready for work tomorrow morning, and then again on sunday, so I might have more time to read next week-ish.
of course I like the story, certianly gives me a break from my usual ideas and all, so until next time or so.
30-Dec-2010 22:05:20
Well I'll be doggone. Feedback, after finishing the story... a year ago? Yeah. Neat.
Anyway. You seem pretty knowledgeable in Ye Olde Warfare, I may have to start consulting you on topics I'm not sure about. Naval warfare in old times being one such topic.
__
Well first let me start by saying, thanks! I can honestly say comments like this help keep me motivated in writing.
Ah, the plot. It's funny how much it evolved from the original concept I had. I never intended it to be any longer than 100 posts, if that. But I got carried away.
I did notice how the frequency of reader posts declined proportionally with the increase of story posts. But most the time it was inspired writing, so I just couldn't hold back.
__
Too much Lovecraft? You must be mad.
Anyway. You seem pretty knowledgeable in Ye Olde Warfare, I may have to start consulting you on topics I'm not sure about. Naval warfare in old times being one such topic.
__
Well first let me start by saying, thanks! I can honestly say comments like this help keep me motivated in writing.
Ah, the plot. It's funny how much it evolved from the original concept I had. I never intended it to be any longer than 100 posts, if that. But I got carried away.
I did notice how the frequency of reader posts declined proportionally with the increase of story posts. But most the time it was inspired writing, so I just couldn't hold back.
__
Too much Lovecraft? You must be mad.
01-Jan-2011 07:22:59
finished reading page 40.
lots of changes.
other than what I typed on my first post, everything else is perfectly fine, even though I do see a bit of things that I find 'off.'
I liked when the big squid attacked the ship, it reminded me of that story I psoted on well told tales.
Spears on a ship? That's a bit off, but who cares.
heavy cleaving weapons were almost always used. falchions, cutlasses, etc cut thick rope better on enemy ships they boarded.
what I found a bit funny was that the bio's name was Casper (not sure if it'd be used yet).
the guys and girls are a bit immature at times, but at the same time, very, very believable, and I got some memories from my childhood or when me and my older brother drink too much.
What's a bit childish, is like how sometimes the girl jumps in joy. When girls jump, they get bouncy (if you know what I mean) so i got a few good chuckles.
I liked how the two guys wrestled over a fish, or how a tooth got stuck in a knuckle.
the feelings are expressed very well, and I can easily picture what happens even though I don't get everything.
hmm, now we have undead attacking varrock again?
an angry god with subjects in squid form sounds... tasty!
anyways, the story is great and all, with a bit of violence here and there.
the duel bewteen the knight and gang leader was a bit odd though.
Landsknecht mercenaries were traiend to be able to stab with two-handed swords repeatedly by a single second, so against claws, a swordsman would only have to stab, the blade would slide through the claws no matter what, and walking forward while thrusting helps a bunch.
also, Vikings fought with their swords by slashing knees and then the neck when they could, dont forget that swordsmen were trained to attack every part of the human body
anyways that doesnt matter, and not that I've been in a fight with swords or claws, so maybe my assumption is far from reality.
I might have more time to read the story a few days later or so.
lots of changes.
other than what I typed on my first post, everything else is perfectly fine, even though I do see a bit of things that I find 'off.'
I liked when the big squid attacked the ship, it reminded me of that story I psoted on well told tales.
Spears on a ship? That's a bit off, but who cares.
heavy cleaving weapons were almost always used. falchions, cutlasses, etc cut thick rope better on enemy ships they boarded.
what I found a bit funny was that the bio's name was Casper (not sure if it'd be used yet).
the guys and girls are a bit immature at times, but at the same time, very, very believable, and I got some memories from my childhood or when me and my older brother drink too much.
What's a bit childish, is like how sometimes the girl jumps in joy. When girls jump, they get bouncy (if you know what I mean) so i got a few good chuckles.
I liked how the two guys wrestled over a fish, or how a tooth got stuck in a knuckle.
the feelings are expressed very well, and I can easily picture what happens even though I don't get everything.
hmm, now we have undead attacking varrock again?
an angry god with subjects in squid form sounds... tasty!
anyways, the story is great and all, with a bit of violence here and there.
the duel bewteen the knight and gang leader was a bit odd though.
Landsknecht mercenaries were traiend to be able to stab with two-handed swords repeatedly by a single second, so against claws, a swordsman would only have to stab, the blade would slide through the claws no matter what, and walking forward while thrusting helps a bunch.
also, Vikings fought with their swords by slashing knees and then the neck when they could, dont forget that swordsmen were trained to attack every part of the human body
anyways that doesnt matter, and not that I've been in a fight with swords or claws, so maybe my assumption is far from reality.
I might have more time to read the story a few days later or so.
05-Jan-2011 07:59:22 - Last edited on 05-Jan-2011 08:12:23 by Azigarath
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