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wildtype p53

wildtype p53

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Now I can get to what I’ve been dying to say all along.

Outlander is in my opinion one of the best stories in this forum, I love to read it over and over again because it’s realistic, the characters are easy to love, and even though you haven’t overdone it, the imagery is wonderful. I was there with Arik as his nostrils were filled with acrid smell of burning hides. I was actually watching the farewell banquet; marveling at the bonfire, whose flames licked the stars. I experienced it all. So in the aspect of imagery, you did quite well.

The entire plot of your story was notable too, as it was highly original, with the problem represented early on. The solution to the problem was what interested me most, however. Hitherto, reading your story I would never have thought that killing one of the main characters (my favorite character to be exact) would actually help the story. Before reading the end I believed that the two would go off together; enjoying their life as new adventures unfolded; however, now I see that Rebecca dying was not only highly original, but actually made the story more believable and memorable.

Though Rebecca will live on in my heart as a character, I now see that it was pure brilliance to dispose of her, not only that, but that in her death Arik achieved his dream and thus solved the main problem in the story. The irony here is simply wonderful.

02-Sep-2007 04:20:55 - Last edited on 02-Sep-2007 04:23:57 by wildtype p53

wildtype p53

wildtype p53

Posts: 5,021 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The vocabulary you used was indeed simple, but this worked well for you; creating a more laid back feeling in the story. Little words like ‘wont’ that were sprinkled here and there gave the story a certain sense of class, helped by the fact that you weren’t just packing in as many highfalutin words as possible.

Even though Outlander has its rough patches, and could indeed use some touch-ups, you’ve done an exemplary job with the story as a whole. Because of your impressive imagery, and highly original plot including a wonderful solution to the story, I am proud to award Outlander a three and one half star review.

Though it may not be my place to say, I believe this story is worthy of being admitted into ‘The Yanillian Library’. At least apply for your story to be considered there; only a fool could reject this story.

I hope you found this review helpful.

Regards,

-Tycca

02-Sep-2007 04:21:04 - Last edited on 02-Sep-2007 04:24:24 by wildtype p53

[#80N8R0VWZ]

[#80N8R0VWZ]

Posts: 9,100 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Remember that sometimes fewer words can be more meaningful. This is the case with the following sentence,
‘When we did, though, we really went all out, music and dancing, and of course much drinking.’
In this case the adverb ‘really’ is a little too much emphasis, because when you say ‘we went all out’, that in itself is quite a statement. When you say, ‘we really went all out* it actually takes away the power of what was formerly a quite a strong sentence. Therefore omitting with word ‘really’ actually helps the writing become stronger.
~~~
I would just like to point out to you, Roshie, that I disagree with that. It is a matter of preference, whether the word 'really' takes away of the effect or increases it. So, yeah, it's not necessarily such a good thing to take it out ;)

04-Sep-2007 17:14:38

wildtype p53

wildtype p53

Posts: 5,021 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Yeah I guess it is a matter of preference, like Siigy said.
Either way Roshie. After reading that again I don't care that much either, however in my honest opinion I just don't think that the 'really' does anything for the story.

04-Sep-2007 18:33:47

Roshinda

Roshinda

Posts: 6,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I thank you for the time it must have taken for you to write such an in-depth review.

Every word I wrote was done so for a reason. At this stage, I am not editing a thing, because I am perfectly pleased with the entire piece. For once I wrote something from start to finish that turned out exactly the way I intended.

I appreciate your words of praise, though they were rather burried at the end of a long string of, what I felt, to be rather nitpicky comments. Thank you nonetheless.

You are entirely right that it's not your place to say whether or not you think it qualifies for TYL, as you aren't even a reviewer there, and it was already accepted.

Also, just for future reference, try to keep reviews to under 2 pages. No one really likes wading through reviews nearly as long as the story itself to figure out what the reviewer thought.

04-Sep-2007 23:32:05 - Last edited on 05-Sep-2007 00:45:19 by Roshinda

Crimsonys
Jun Member 2012

Crimsonys

Posts: 1,183 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
'there on your nineteenth post (first paragraph) is a blatantly misspelled word, which you spelled ‘agonising’ with an ‘s’ and not a **’. This small error should have been something easy to spot, simply write your story on word and a red line should appear under it, pointing out the major fact that you just misspelled a word. '
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Tycca must not realise that not everyone in the world spells with American spellings.
When making such an arrogant statement, make sure you have your facts straight first.

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Roshie, you already know that I love this story, but I'll tell you again that you did a great job with it. :)

05-Sep-2007 00:36:40

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