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Roshinda

Roshinda

Posts: 6,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Right, well I'm not used to getting such in-depth comments, especially two in a row, but I'm very appreciative that you both took the time to read and make notes!
I have to admit I'm rather surprised that you didn't find more inaccuracies. I have a few issues with grammar, and though I do my best, there are always mistakes.
Genzen, sadly this is my only completed work, though I do hope to change that, even just writing Outlander-length stories for a time. I intend to get back to work on a novel I started and neglected a while ago after I practice with short stories.
Dream, comas are one of my biggest failings. Thanks for pointing those out, I'll try to fix them.
As for "god", it's not a proper noun, so it isn't capitalised.
The same goes for "Outlander" vs. "outlander". I capitalised it when referring to the specific Outlanders the story is about. I hope that makes sense and is appropriate.

Again, much thanks for the detailed comments and compliments. I don't usually write such tragic stories, but I must say I'm glad I pulled it off well.
--Roshie

01-May-2007 10:12:34

Roshinda

Roshinda

Posts: 6,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ha, you must have been in the middle of commenting because there was only one page when I started my reply. You make several more valid points I will correct.
Some things I clearly see in my head, but fail to accuratly portray. At the beginning of the story Arik's father mentions that he "has only daughters", but you're right in that I talk very little about his family life. I guess I didn't think it that important, since the focus was on things that are different from his ordinary life.
Another thing I will try to change to make more clear is about the Kyatt climbing the tree. Kyatts are rarely seen, and most people know very little about them. I'll try to convey that when he first discovers the pawprints. Perhaps he just guesses that they belong to a Kyatt, since seeing as they are large, feline-looking paws.

01-May-2007 10:25:29

Roshinda

Roshinda

Posts: 6,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ok, I've gone and re-written it with most of those changes you suggested. (Though I can't easily work in further mention of his family).

The spacing is funny now because of the extra parts I added, but ah well.

01-May-2007 13:10:46 - Last edited on 01-May-2007 13:27:22 by Roshinda

[#0K93N43DH]

[#0K93N43DH]

Posts: 1,658 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I agree on that. I have some people already predicting what they think is going to happen in a story I got going. I can't wait to dissapoint them right when they think it's all going good. Perhaps you'd like to discuss a few writing tips in game.

03-May-2007 02:06:02

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