And now the Mavs have won, I'll rank that story of yours.
EDIT: Here goes.
Admirable, your story has good promise, and you showed a decent eye for characterization and plot throughout it. You're basically on the cusp between Scribe and Bard, but it's gonna be your somewhat clumsy grammar and description that hold you back from the rank of Bard.
Your most consistent grammatical error was the use of periods instead of commas at the end of dialogue; this is easily fixed. There are also some situations where you seem to try too hard to use "big" words but use them incorrectly, or overuse them in an effort to drive home your point.
Your two greatest sins, by my estimation:
"Good herbalist = good cook."
~~~
Never, ever, ever use a symbol instead of words in a story. It's lazy, looks bad, and is entirely without purpose. You're an author, a crafter of words -- use those words!
"Take your hands off me, you bearded b@st@r@d."
~~~
I know as well as anyone that the censor is annoying, but find a better way of getting around it. This just looks awful.
As such, your rank is Scribe. Fix up some of these errors and come back, and you should be able to pick up the rank of Bard pretty easily.
And, for your sake and mine, don't ever give a Fremennik a Scottish accent again.
03-Jun-2011 05:20:33
- Last edited on
03-Jun-2011 06:00:32
by
Poller5
