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Chuk

Chuk

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(( My newest piece, written for the AoG Story Competition ))

~ --- Across the Salve --- ~


'My Liege, Lord Saradomin's Anointed Regent,

I write to inform Your Highness of troubling reports from beyond the River. Our Lord's servants and missionaries claim sightings of werewolf activity and evidence of necromancers. There is little confirmation, unless it be the lack of word from Our Lord's outposts besides rabid tales of beasts and monsters. In case of the worst, I request a legion of Our Lord's finest armsmen, that the Blessed River and our sacred monastery might be protected.

Lord Saradomin's Humble Servant,
Abbot Webi'

For the dozenth time that day, Saradomin's Anointed Regent, King Fald placed the worn epistle on a small writing table and rubbed his temples. The letter had arrived a week previously, already delayed by a messenger pigeon dead mid-flight, he had yet to reach a decision beyond ordering scouts to search for confirmation.

"My Liege," his advisor, standing by his side, began, "I believe Your Highness should dispatch the requested Legion. If not so many men, at least half. Your Highness knows we must not lose the Salve."

"So you've said, Counselor, but I await the scouts. I understand the danger posed to Our Lord's realm, but I cannot waste so many men chasing ghosts and whispers."

"Yes, my Liege, but…"

Interrupted by a door swinging open, the advisor turned to berate whoever had so brazenly barged into the Anointed Regent's chambers unannounced, but what he saw kept the words from his tongue. One of the scouts, bloody and ragged, entered the room supported by two Anointed Guards.

"My Liege," he coughed into the silence, blood dribbling from his mouth. "A monk said…" Another cough racked his body.

"Said the Monastery…that it fell…it's ruined…broken, My Liege." The cough took him again, stronger. Finally, he conquered it and continued.

29-Mar-2010 07:40:58 - Last edited on 21-Jun-2013 10:34:00 by Chuk

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"And then they--" he closed his eyes and shuddered "--they came. Beasts and monsters, Your Highness, undead. They killed the monk. I…I barely escaped. They're close behind, my Liege, so close…"

He shut his eyes and coughed again, even harder. Unable to hold his convulsing body, the guards dropped him to the floor. When the fit had passed, the scout looked up from the floor, tears leaking from his eyes and rasped, "Our Lord Saradomin save us, Zamorak is across the…"

His head fell, lifeless, leaving the last word unsaid.

-- fin

29-Mar-2010 07:41:32 - Last edited on 21-Jun-2013 10:34:17 by Chuk

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I think that out of all of your pieces, 'A Sunrise' was my favorite.
Your imagery gave me chills in that one, and you managed to mix in just enough plot to entice the reader.
I found myself caring for this soldier who was witnessing the sunrise. I felt the breeze, and heard the birds. I saw the sun rising between two peaks.
It was very enjoyable. ^^

02-Apr-2010 16:34:37 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2010 16:35:08 by Logan Shafts

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Waters of Time:
I'm not giving a review or anything (especially as tired as I am, lol), but I want you to know what I thought of it:

This story really got me thinking. It could almost be classified as Sci-Fi (with the whole 'time is a river' analogy), except that it is written in a nearly poetic manner.
You start off by introducing this concept of a never ending river which is witness to all the good and bad in the world. Then you weave the image of what it see's, quite a stunning picture at that.
You take the reader through the lifespan of a civilization, and the whole while manage to keep building the scene of a river flowing on.
Then at the end, you tie it all together, explaining it in reference to the way our earths atmospheric recycling system works - an excellent analogy to be sure.
In all, I thought this story was brilliant. Thanks for sharing it. ^^

02-Apr-2010 17:15:59 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2010 17:17:14 by Logan Shafts

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well, I couldn't sleep, so I found myself out of bed reading comments I didn't know I had. (I only check this thread once a week or so. ^_^ ) Thanks very much for taking more time to comment. :)
I'm glad you enjoyed the imagery of A Sunrise, as that started life as a descriptive essay, so I put a fair amount of effort into describing everything.
I'm a little surprised that you liked the river one so much, as it's one of my older pieces, and I feel that it could handle a rewrite of sorts. But I'm glad you liked it anyway. :)

05-Apr-2010 10:01:01

Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well thanks for taking time to share your stories. They're all quite entertaining.
I hope your essay came out as good as the story, lol. =p
I liked the 'river one' because it mixes all the genre's I enjoy, and it left room for one to move on with the story.
A rewrite might make it better, but I don't think its really necessary - I think the tale tells itself.

05-Apr-2010 19:13:53

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