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How about one for July?
Feliz
Feliz
17-Jul-2009 02:44:51
And thanks again.
20-Jul-2009 15:58:50
Here's the first of your short story reviews, from Full Circle Reviews. The rest may have to wait until tonight, or tomorrow.
A Christmas Dream:
>Plot – 33/40
Pace: 18/20
- The slow but steady pace fit the story.
Content: 15/20
- I can’t decide whether I liked it or not. *Dreamagine’ is unforgivably hokey, and in the end just too strange to judge at all.
>Characters - 28/35
Interaction: 17/20
- Santa had okay dialogue, but the little boy hardly spoke at all. You have two characters, which is perfect for a shot story, but neither has enough personality to make the interaction particularly interesting.
Development: 11/15
- The boy had next to none, and Santa none at all. It is, of course, hard to develop characters in a short, but you can’t just skim over it in favor of your philosophical quandaries - it is, in fact, necessary if you want to pull off the kind of inner conflict which is the '******' of this tale.
>Description - 26/30
Character: 12/15
- I could picture Santa clearly, but Erun is never described.
Setting: 14/15
- It’s always been your strong point.
>Style - 20/25
Voice: 10/15
- In the forums, your excellent grammar sets your writing apart from most of what I read, but that’s not the kind of uniqueness I look for. I hate to use the word ‘bland’, but it** what comes to mind.
Consistency: 10/10
- Bland it may have been, but it was bland throughout, and that counts for something.
>Mechanics - 19/20
Syntax: 14/15
- Nearly perfect, besides some very minor stuff that fits into my very broad definition of syntax.
Spelling: 5/5
- Ah, perfect and beautiful.
>>>Overall - 126/150, or 84%
Notes:
“Everyone that is, except for one young boy, lying awake in his house in Varrock.”
Not wrong grammatically, but it doesn’t read well. Consider ‘Everyone, that is, except for one young boy who laid awake in his house in Varrock’. ‘ing’ is not nearly so flexible a form as fantasy writer’s would have us believe
.
A Christmas Dream:
>Plot – 33/40
Pace: 18/20
- The slow but steady pace fit the story.
Content: 15/20
- I can’t decide whether I liked it or not. *Dreamagine’ is unforgivably hokey, and in the end just too strange to judge at all.
>Characters - 28/35
Interaction: 17/20
- Santa had okay dialogue, but the little boy hardly spoke at all. You have two characters, which is perfect for a shot story, but neither has enough personality to make the interaction particularly interesting.
Development: 11/15
- The boy had next to none, and Santa none at all. It is, of course, hard to develop characters in a short, but you can’t just skim over it in favor of your philosophical quandaries - it is, in fact, necessary if you want to pull off the kind of inner conflict which is the '******' of this tale.
>Description - 26/30
Character: 12/15
- I could picture Santa clearly, but Erun is never described.
Setting: 14/15
- It’s always been your strong point.
>Style - 20/25
Voice: 10/15
- In the forums, your excellent grammar sets your writing apart from most of what I read, but that’s not the kind of uniqueness I look for. I hate to use the word ‘bland’, but it** what comes to mind.
Consistency: 10/10
- Bland it may have been, but it was bland throughout, and that counts for something.
>Mechanics - 19/20
Syntax: 14/15
- Nearly perfect, besides some very minor stuff that fits into my very broad definition of syntax.
Spelling: 5/5
- Ah, perfect and beautiful.
>>>Overall - 126/150, or 84%
Notes:
“Everyone that is, except for one young boy, lying awake in his house in Varrock.”
Not wrong grammatically, but it doesn’t read well. Consider ‘Everyone, that is, except for one young boy who laid awake in his house in Varrock’. ‘ing’ is not nearly so flexible a form as fantasy writer’s would have us believe
.
Lorehound
through and through.
06-Aug-2009 22:27:22 - Last edited on 06-Aug-2009 22:30:24 by Orbestro
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