RuneScape Forum Archive | Life of Crime

In my opinion, fight scenes should be few and very far between in stories. This is because, when I see a scene in which characters are engaged primarily in direct action that does not necessarily have to build the plot, I want to see a masterpiece. Yours seemed rather short, and so I think this is where the discontent arises.

If I were to offer advice, I would say that either a) you don't term it a fight scene and leave it as is, which is a perfectly viable option; or b) you expand upon what exactly happens, going into intricate and meticulous detail of each and every action that is occurring. This latter is more important if you're planning on having future fight scenes because readers will extrapolate from their first impressions. Even if your prose is great, if your action is flawed, this is how the audience will remember your piece as a whole.

For most readers, the prose is boring, the action is good. And because of this, readers remember stories not based on the quality of syntax or the format of paragraphs but moreso the ability of the author to describe the action. Since fight scenes are the epitome of action, you should really focus on making them the best that they can possibly be.

In this particular fight scene, I would work on variation in diction (you used the word "hit" twice is relative succession) as well as more elaborate description of what is happening. When people say add more description to newer writers (which is not to say that you seem amateur), they mean in action. Especially in fight scenes.

Also, you end Chapter 7 with "End of Chapter 6", as a note of clarification.

27-Feb-2010 05:22:27

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I have an abundance of weak points in my writing, fight scenes included. I have created fight scenes for years with no help such as what you have just given me, and I appreciate you taking the time to give me some feedback. =)

I shall take all of your advice into consideration, and look over my battle scene to improve on it in the ways you have suggested. I have had very little feedback during my time on the forums, so I have a lot of room to improve. It is for that reason, I believe, I am a bit slow in my writing, ideas, and description.

Again thank you for taking your time to read through my piece and provide me with feedback. I cannot describe how much I appreciate it, as what you have given me is something I have only rarely received in the past. Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

27-Feb-2010 05:40:09

Dec

2023

Xanthangum

Posts: 4,651 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Bookmark'd!

27-Feb-2010 05:42:32

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Sirapyro,

Hello. It really is embarrassing to know that you've been in our forum for such a period of time and have never before received feedback. I would like to apologise on behalf of everyone for our callous disrespect. I try to always offer at least some snippit of opinion on what I read, even if it's just pointing out a simple grammar error. Luckily, I was able to provide a bit more for you.

I do encourage you to try and analyse others' pieces. It will allow you both to see what you do and don't like with their styles and plots. Many like to say that the best way to be a good writer is to practise, but I think the best way to be a good writer is to be a good reader. I suggest that you find your weaknesses (such as fight scenes) and start reading stories with wonderfully founded combat areas. As I said in my first post, I'm not a huge fan of the technique, so I unfortunately don't have much to offer in the direction of examples.

Most popular Action/Adventure books will have plenty of combat, however. I can only suggest you go to your local bookstore/book expert and ask for good authors in the genre. If you don't feel like venturing out, I suggest you just take a gander around the Stories Forum. Even if you catch a story whose combat is bad, at least then you'll be able to decipher what exactly is bad about it and leave those qualities out of your own writing.

28-Feb-2010 01:52:11

Sirapyro

Posts: 10,736 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Observation has been one thing that has led to why my writing is better than it was two and a half years ago, but perhaps I should look deeper to achieve your suggestion. Another persons opinion and suggestions are always helpful, though, especially to me.

Again, I thank you for giving me some feedback on my work and I have seriously taken all of your advice into consideration. =) Join The Questing Clan of RuneScape! !

28-Feb-2010 07:26:31

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